AIBU to stick to the court order?

[carah27]

My child’s father took me to court after being absent from their life for a prolonged period.

There is an interim court order for a set number of sessions in a contact centre, on a set day every week, supervised, pending Cafcass report and further hearing…

After 1 session, child’s father has advised he is unable to make a third of the remaining sessions… quite a chunk.

He says it is due to work, and wants those sessions moved so he can still see our child.

He picked the contact centre and the dates. I was very flexible when this was being hashed out in court as he’s accused me of making contact difficult before.

From my side, contact broke down previously because he was unreliable with times and dates.

AIBU to want to stick to the court order and say no?

I think that's a bit naive @TurtleGroove - there is at least a possibility that OP's ex is playing games, in which case he would not be the first to organise contact for specific days, then ask her to change them, and then turn up at the centre on the original days bewailing her lack of attendance and telling the supervisors this is exactly what he thought his awful contact-refusing obstructive bitch of an ex would do to alienate him from his beloved child.

If she doesn't turn up with the child she is in breach of the order (and he might well arrive for contact even if he's said he won't). If she does turn up as per the court order the child is likely to be upset if the father doesn't turn up. Heads he wins, tails she loses. It's a horrible position to be in.

Although I agree photographing the child at the contact centre is entirely unnecessary, since the supervisors will make a record of attendance.

If there’s written evidence of you agreeing with him to change dates you won’t get in trouble for not turning up at the original date
if you turn up when you know he won’t be there and photograph your child looking sad you’ll rightly be eviscerated by CAFCASS

how about people who have no experience of family court at least add the disclaimer to their batshit advice . It’s so exhausting reading the nonsense that gets chatted

Actually 4 year long court case had me wise of court proceedings
.. I know how things get 'accidently' omitted.. And how Cafcass can be bias... And lie.
And get caught out on the stand.

I’m not going to turn up and photograph my child looking sad. The contact centre record who turns up and supply it to the court.

Maybe the approach then is to let him go back to court if he wants to change it. I’m not sure how quickly that he could do that though and whether it would happen in time?

I have already demonstrated flexibility by agreeing to the original dates. Most of which didn’t suit me, and were agreed around his availability and work.

It wouldn’t bother me as much if this wasn’t the whole issue with him in the first place years ago. If I was in his shoes I would be doing anything to make this interim order work and show up for my child. Cafcass will be doing their section 7, this would be the time you’d surely want to demonstrate commitment etc. I’m also worried about setting a precedent going forward that I am the one that’s expected to be flexible all the time. My child also has a life and activities, schooling etc that he’s not been involved in for years. None of that seems to be taken into consideration and again it’s all based on his needs and availability.

He obviously doesn't give a shit about his child. He just wants to make your life difficult by dicking you about to cause the most inconvenience to you.

As other posters have said, stick to the current agreed arrangements.

How has this last week been?

I feel like I need a bit more perspective. I don’t know if I have poor legal advice or if it’s me being ridiculous.

My solicitors advice was that we need to come up with a solution because a blanket “no” could reflect badly on me when we are back in court…

I offered to arrange my work so that I could take our child to a contact centre on a day suitable for Dad. I asked if Dad could make arrangements with his work to be available for the other one, which felt to me as fair so that the burden isn’t solely on me.

Dad won’t accept this, and wants me to take time off work to facilitate an alternate day for both sessions. He has refused to take time off work and says it’s not possible at all.

It feels inherently very unfair to me that I need to take 2 days off work (using my annual leave) because he is unable to take time off work to attend the contact as ordered?

But my solicitor is encouraging me to do this and says we will address the issue with his “priorities” later in court.

I don’t know what to do but I feel stressed and annoyed.

One of his proposed “make up sessions” I cannot do as I cannot get the time off work due to staffing. This was met with a sharp response from his solicitor that this is “simply unacceptable”. But it is acceptable for him to be unavailable due to work reasons?

I feel so small. Back to the relationship where I didn’t matter.

I have legal aid for domestic abuse.

No, my exh tried this. The contact centre also had a no phone policy so time was for DC. He used to sit on his phone and contact staff had to warn him if he didn't stop using his phone he'd not be able to use centre. He missed many session then tried to demand I brought DC to him to catch up his sessions. I ignored him. When we went back to court and he tried complaining to judge he told him he was unreliable and he must stick to dates/times agreed.

I would just feed back that you are unable to take the time off work to meet the alternative dates he has requested but you could do the following days - list several that would work for you.

His solicitor is being a bully and quite possibly has been fed a pack of lies as to why he hasn’t seen the DC etc.

Don't be bullied by his solicitor. If you can't get the time off then that is how it is. Offer a few other dates and then the ball is in his court. Maybe your solicitor should send a sharp response back.

The problem is, our availability is opposite so my working days are his days off and vice versa. As he is point blank refusing any concessions with his work stating it is impossible it is down to me to take the time off. So I can offer different days but I will still be in the same position.

I'm not expert and have never been in your situation but this is what I'd do too.

Stick to the court order. Have your solicitor explain that this is the court order and that you have to work to provide for your child. Your solicitor sounds weak and lazy.

Just keep repeating that you can’t take any further leave it’s all accounted for to cover school holidays/lack of childcare and covering sick days.

His solicitor is trying their luck. If you’ve already made arrangements to accommodate contact and now he wants to change that and you can’t, he’ll have to miss out. Can you get an email from your manager to you saying it’s too late to change your day off/the rota/whatever? Ask that his solicitor confirms whether he’s coming as ordered so that DC isn’t disappointed.