How can we support a 13-year-old with suicidal thoughts.

[HowcanIhelp12345]

Hi all
My DSD13 has disclosed that she has suicidal thoughts. She lives with her DM and stays with us EOW.
She's a very fragile girl. Not very resilient, doesn't make friends easily and has some really big emotions.
She a wonderful girl, kind, caring and very talented with creative things but she struggles with her peers.
I just wondered if anyone has some advice on how to support her and her parents. Her DM has mental health issues, been on antidepressants for many years and perhaps also isn't that resilient.
Her Dad is quite matter of fact, tries to promote being tougher and whilst does listen to her also thinks there are things she can do to help herself. It's literally polar opposites from her parents.
I just want to help.

With suicide ideation you need to get her professional help asap.
Doing this on your own, and with the two parents not being any useful support, you will struggle immensely and potentially make some dangerous mistakes.
Please get her to a GP and get her referred.

Thank you. She has an appointment with a teen charity/referral. I don't know the full details. The school are aware so I hope they're able to assist too.

It might sound odd but I see it as a good sign that she has voiced her thoughts so it's like she's open to help.

You'll need to access professional help for her. If it's in any way reassuring suicidal thoughts aren't uncommon (I think 1 in 5 people have experienced similar). The important thing is to understand if she has an actual plan in mind. It's a difficult but necessary question to ask as having a plan/timeline already mapped out points to severe and imminent crisis.

I'm a MHFA at work and we're told to ask them if they have a plan but I wasn't sure if this is appropriate to ask a teen?

Immediate professional help is key, and if you find yourself waiting for that referral but things worsen do not hesitate to get a GP appointment or call your local crisis team.

In the meantime, if you feel comfortable to do this, you could work through a safety plan with her. It will help her to communicate what she needs, what will give her hope, and ways to keep her safe if her thoughts worsen. It might also help your DH to understand how important this is, but also give him practical ways to help: https://media.samaritans.org/documents/Samaritans_Editable_Safety_Plan.pdf

I would highly recommend looking into seeing if anyone near you offers ASIST training - it's a 2 day training course about how to safely provide suicide intervention support and is the only WHO recognised non clinical suicide prevention programme

It's a really difficult question to ask isn't it, but asking is absolutely not the same as demanding they put a plan together or giving them any ideas as to means. Any crisis team will be asking her as part of their assessment but if her appointment is some time away, I would certainly want to make sure she doesn't have a timeline in her head.

I’m a counsellor at a children’s charity.

First, it’s great that she is speaking to someone, that’s a really important first step. And clearly you are looking to support her-she is lucky to have you.

I would recommend that you help her to look at the Childline website for information and support, and I think some of the info and links on there will help inform you as well. There are often long delays in getting support so somewhere non-judgmental where she can talk in the interim can really help.

There are lots of young people who have suicidal thoughts and many do not act on them. Which doesn’t make it any less worrying for parents and carers, of course. I’d echo what is said above about gentle exploration and a safe plan. It is a hard question to ask but if she isn’t suicidal, asking isn’t going to make her so. And if she is, it’s better to know and have a plan in place.

Does her mum have a diagnosis? Could DD be suffering from the same (if it's something hereditary)?

I was wondering about ASD as your description of DD fits it very well IMO. It's quite possible that her mum has it unknowingly and has developed MH issues because of it if she doesn't have an ASD diagnosis.

Definitely get help with the suicidal thoughts. Are school aware? If not I would be speaking to them about it too.

Thank you so much for all the practical replies.

I'll look into that course and have forwarded the childline website.

I assume her Mum has a diagnosis as she's been on antidepressants for many years. I do think Mum's situation has a direct impact on DSD. She often feels the burden of supporting her Mum.

Are you in the UK ? Her GP should be urgently referring her to CAMHS for professional support.

Yes, absolutely it's fine to ask if she has a plan. Listen to her as much as you can, and take her seriously. Encourage her to contact Samaritans or Shout (but understand that they cannot and will not tell you whether she has been in touch with them, or what was said).

Camhs have a crisis line which you can call and speak to someone, they will also speak to the child, you can then also do a self referral to Camhs without going via the GP.

There is also an app called Kooth which is NHS supported I think which offers services including text based counselling for teens.