I don’t know what happened but when my parents separated they both became really odd. One of them lived in a house that you would see on TV as a before example ‘this person lives as a pauper, surrounded by rubbish’ etc. I’m not exaggerating it was bad, to the point I couldn’t have ever left my children alone there for even 10 minutes as it was a health hazard. The other one maintained tidiness but not cleanliness. So they cleaned but washed up with a splash of cold water and no soap etc. at surface level it looked clean but I knew it wasn’t and when they come to mine I have to rewash all the pots because they insist on washing their cup etc even though I’ve said not to bother because I know that precisely zero germs were killed. The worst part though is that the second parent I mentioned just because they’re smelly. They let their house get smelly (smoke but also like a window has never been opened) and now they’ve moved their bungalow smells, no longer smoky but just gross. I’m not exaggerating I don’t take my coat in when I visit because everything else is easy to wash but not a coat. I just don’t know what happened. We had a strange childhood but I don’t remember it ever being unclean or smelly, in fact we did cleaning chores. The parent got in the car with me today and I had to open my window, I felt so sick, cooking smells on their coat that were so strong which I know does happen but most of us take steps to avoid it don’t we? We open a window or move things that will get smelly. This has been going on for 15 years and it’s got worse and worse. If they buy any clothes they have to be washed in at least 40, I’ve had to throw some things they’ve bought straight in the bin and that’s really sad. They also dress like they have nothing, charity shop things, but stuff that didn’t really have much life left in it, a coat someone gave them that is 3 sizes too big and looks ridiculous. I’m actually really disappointed that I’ve got / had parents like that, they weren’t brilliant parents to be honest but I can forgive that but why did they both turn out to be so scruffy? Some of it is penny pinching, they don’t / didn’t like to spend money, one worse than the other but there’s no excuse for the smelliness and looking absolutely atrocious.
Anyone got similar? How do you deal with it? I don’t even want to go out with this parent or visit them anymore because it’s so bad. I’m embarrassed to be seen with them, it doesn’t help that they’re a bit cocky and often get annoyed by other people (for the kind of traits they themselves display) it’s like they’ve given up on maintain any semblance of looking or smelling nice, I don’t even mean nice, I mean neutral, I’m not talking hair styles or dye or make up or anything massively superficial. I just mean washed, not smelly and wearing clothes that fit and don’t look like they’re ready for the bin.
Please don’t tell me that I would lose them one day and regret feeling like this as I actually did lose one and the way I feel about the way they lived hasn’t changed. I’m sad but also a bit angry. Also, money isn’t tight.