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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he just doesn’t care

23 replies

Iusedtobefun95 · 19/03/2026 22:10

Aibu to think that if dp and I have had multiple conversations about issues in the relationship and he says things like he’s going to do better but never actually does then he actually just doesn’t care he’s upsetting me. We had a full blown argument on Sunday both took time out for a few hours then sat down had a conversation that I feel we’ve had so many times before and nothings changed at all. One issue is money he seems to think as soon as it goes into the bank he needs to piss it away and once he’s blew through what’s in his account he thinks I’m a millionaire and what’s in my account is up to piss away. We have a joint account that we put equal money in for bills that he’s not got the password for because he’d spend the money in it. Another issue is I can’t get his attention most of the time because he’s got his head stuck in his phone Iv literally had to shout his name at times to get him to answer a simple question. My biggest problem right now is after having baby 11 weeks ago Iv no sex drive at all and Iv explained to him that I’m exhausted with baby I don’t feel like myself at all and I’m stressed out so sex is not on my mind at all but he just keeps harping on about it, I don’t have 5 minutes for myself and in his mind once lo is asleep I should be up for it.

I honestly think at times he just doesn’t give two fucks about how I’m feeling. I suffered pnd after my second child years ago and really am doing my best to not go through that again because my partner at the time was an abusive prick and just made me feel horrible. Right now it feels like all my partner sees me as is a bank machine or a sex toy. He’s said he feels as if I’m pushing him away but it’s not like he’s doing much to help the situation. Sometimes I feel like just telling him leave and find someone else because I shouldn’t feel so disrespected.

OP posts:
CarrierbagsAndPJs · 19/03/2026 22:18

What does he actually bring to the relationship? How hands on is he with the baby? How much housework does he do? Is life just you two sat st home?

Iusedtobefun95 · 19/03/2026 22:22

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 19/03/2026 22:18

What does he actually bring to the relationship? How hands on is he with the baby? How much housework does he do? Is life just you two sat st home?

Honestly he’s not as hands on as he makes out to be, he can’t make her a bottle when Iv tried to show him how he’s to busy on his phone to actually learn. He will change a wet nappy but that’s maybe twice a day. He was out of work for a few weeks but thankfully he found another job. At this point it feels like it’s just stress he brings

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 19/03/2026 22:26

Honestly? It sounds like you've swapped one abusive prick for another who is self-absorbed, lazy, selfish and a sex pest.

You're obviously newly post partum so I appreciate you might want to just get through the next few months but I'd be looking for an exit as soon as you can.

RampantIvy · 19/03/2026 22:26

He sounds like quite the catch.
Stop doing things for him.

Burntt · 19/03/2026 22:30

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/03/2026 22:26

Honestly? It sounds like you've swapped one abusive prick for another who is self-absorbed, lazy, selfish and a sex pest.

You're obviously newly post partum so I appreciate you might want to just get through the next few months but I'd be looking for an exit as soon as you can.

This ^^

WallaceinAnderland · 19/03/2026 22:33

You're right OP, he doesn't care about you or the baby.

Iusedtobefun95 · 19/03/2026 22:34

I know someone is going to say why did I have a baby with him but firstly lo was not planned I was on birth control and before I fell pregnant he wasn’t like this, he was always crap with his money but not as bad as he is now and he used to be helpful around the house it just feels like in the few weeks before I gave birth he changed. He’s just left at 9 to go on night shift and I’m in bed with lo and feel so peaceful, can’t help thinking if I just ended things and he moved out I’d be better off. The house is mine his name isn’t on it as I’d bought it years ago and he moved in after 2 years of us dating.

OP posts:
Minilover79 · 19/03/2026 22:40

Proper cocklodger, I think you're much better off without him.

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/03/2026 22:41

Iusedtobefun95 · 19/03/2026 22:34

I know someone is going to say why did I have a baby with him but firstly lo was not planned I was on birth control and before I fell pregnant he wasn’t like this, he was always crap with his money but not as bad as he is now and he used to be helpful around the house it just feels like in the few weeks before I gave birth he changed. He’s just left at 9 to go on night shift and I’m in bed with lo and feel so peaceful, can’t help thinking if I just ended things and he moved out I’d be better off. The house is mine his name isn’t on it as I’d bought it years ago and he moved in after 2 years of us dating.

I'm not going to say why did you have a baby with him. I have first hand experience of how men can change when you have a baby with them and I know what its like. And it doesn't help you now. What's done is done.

But it's very obvious that he's not a good partner or father. So I think you should focus on getting him out. The house is in your name and your not married, so those are both wins. Do you work? (assume not now, but in general). That would be another win. If you do work, don't whatever you do give your job up. And for God's sake don't have another baby with him.

When you do it will depend on your circumstances but you know you need to get rid of him.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 20/03/2026 07:40

Iusedtobefun95 · 19/03/2026 22:34

I know someone is going to say why did I have a baby with him but firstly lo was not planned I was on birth control and before I fell pregnant he wasn’t like this, he was always crap with his money but not as bad as he is now and he used to be helpful around the house it just feels like in the few weeks before I gave birth he changed. He’s just left at 9 to go on night shift and I’m in bed with lo and feel so peaceful, can’t help thinking if I just ended things and he moved out I’d be better off. The house is mine his name isn’t on it as I’d bought it years ago and he moved in after 2 years of us dating.

Your life would be better without him.

DaisyChain505 · 20/03/2026 07:53

🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ please for the love of God, women of the world raise your bar. Stop being in relationships with absolutely useless pathetic men, stop accepting less than, stop letting these good for nothing men move into your homes and sleep with you and impregnate you.

Catcatcatcatcat · 20/03/2026 08:01

You are right, he simply doesn’t care. He’s a revolting useless sex pest.

Do you have real life support to get a plan together to get rid of him?

Iusedtobefun95 · 20/03/2026 18:03

Well he’s gone and I’m done. I had an awful night with lo so I’m absolutely exhausted today and I had a doctors appointment and had to get a food shop in all while taking lo with me. Came home he was asleep but he worked night shift so that was fine. He came downstairs 10 minutes before my older kids were coming home from school lo just finished a bottle and I got her settled to sleep and all I wanted was a warm cup of coffee so went out to make it he followed me to the kitchen and said we have time before their home come upstairs and I just lost it grabbed bin bags threw all his clothes in them and threw him out. He’s since text to say I overreacted so Iv said only contact me about our child.

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 20/03/2026 18:20

Well done OP!!!! 🥳

Catcatcatcatcat · 20/03/2026 18:38

Well done OP!

Did you get your key back?

Iusedtobefun95 · 20/03/2026 19:09

Catcatcatcatcat · 20/03/2026 18:38

Well done OP!

Did you get your key back?

Edited

Yes I took the key off him lol

OP posts:
Userengage · 20/03/2026 19:15

Bloody hell, no flies on you!

PennyPugwash · 20/03/2026 19:17

Ohhhhh fan-body-tastic
now, stick to your guns

Zanatdy · 20/03/2026 19:18

I don’t say this lightly as you have a young baby, but what the hell does this man bring but misery and stress? I’d end it. Nothing will change.

Zanatdy · 20/03/2026 19:19

Iusedtobefun95 · 20/03/2026 18:03

Well he’s gone and I’m done. I had an awful night with lo so I’m absolutely exhausted today and I had a doctors appointment and had to get a food shop in all while taking lo with me. Came home he was asleep but he worked night shift so that was fine. He came downstairs 10 minutes before my older kids were coming home from school lo just finished a bottle and I got her settled to sleep and all I wanted was a warm cup of coffee so went out to make it he followed me to the kitchen and said we have time before their home come upstairs and I just lost it grabbed bin bags threw all his clothes in them and threw him out. He’s since text to say I overreacted so Iv said only contact me about our child.

Oh amazing Op! Well done you!!

honeyfox · 20/03/2026 19:21

Well done you!!

Mimsea · 20/03/2026 19:24

Brilliant! How dare he suggest you overreacted? He’ll never learn. You’re much better off without him.

Meteorite87 · 20/03/2026 20:07

Iusedtobefun95 · 20/03/2026 19:09

Yes I took the key off him lol

Well done on getting rid of him @Iusedtobefun95

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