AIBU to feel unseen when partner chose beers over a cuddle?

[MWJC88]

My partner knew I’d had an emotionally tough day today, I put our toddler to bed and had a shower and got into bed myself around 7pm. When he came home I got emotional just saying it’s been a bit of a rough day and he said “what do I need from him” I said for you to come up and we have a cuddle.
he then said I’m not ready to come to bed yet which usually signals he wants a beer, he then goes downstairs and sinks a few beers not checking in on me or coming up for a cuddle.

AIBU In feeling a bit unseen here? He’s had a rocky day at work but it ended positively.

I’m feeling a bit unthought of here 😞

Has he been at work all day? I wouldn’t want to get into bed after being at work all day because my partner wanted a cuddle. Go and cuddle him on the sofa or just spend time together if you want to.

Yes I can see why you feel hurt OP.
When you needed a bit of support he chose to put himself and what he wanted first.
Cuddles and closeness are really important for sustaining and nurturing relationships and they don't cost anything.

Did you mean for him to come up for a cuddle, and then go back downstairs and get on with his evening, or did you mean for him to come to bed for the night? With the former, then it seems fair enough to come straight up, but with the second, if someone just came in from work then I think it is fair that they want to do other stuff before going to bed when it is only 7pm.

He probably wanted some wind down time before bed, which is not unreasonable after a day at work.

Perhaps you could have found a compromise that took account of what you both wanted. For example, you could have stayed up with him and had a cuddle.

I'm sorry you had a tough day, but I wouldn't go to bed at 7pm. I'd absolutely come and chat with my DH and check he was okay etc but going to bed at that time would mess my sleep rhythm right up.

are you using ‘cuddles’ s euphemism for a shag or did you really just want to hold each other in bed at 7pm? Why not just cuddle up on the sofa?

7pm is really early to go to bed, you haven't been clear if you were expecting him to come to bed to?

Why couldn’t you cuddle him on the sofa while he drank his beer?

Sounds like you both had a rough day, and while you felt like you needed a cuddle, he felt like he needed a beer! If you needed him, you could have gone to him and cuddled on the sofa rather than expecting him to cuddle in bed at 7pm,.then you could have both been happy.

I think if you wanted a cuddle you would've been better off going downstairs for it.

I mean rather than expecting him to get into bed at 7pm.

I don’t think OP means she expected him to come to bed for the night, she means she expected him to pop up and give her a cuddle, have a chat and then go down and have his beer! YANBU

I'm not sure how/why you expected him to come to bed at 7pm.

I'm sorry you had a crap day but sit downstairs and have a chat about it.

Don't hide in bed and then expect him to put his evening on hold too.

I wouldn't want to get into bed at 7pm. Quite happy to cuddle on the settee though

You have both had a shitty day. You’ve gone to bed at 7, he needs to decompress. When I get in from work I genuinely struggle to speak to anybody for abit never mind lie down and ‘cuddle’. I think you’re being abit sensitive tbh. Wallowing in bed that early won’t help your mood, do down and watch some television- take your mind off the day.

Aw OP, I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I guess for me it would depend how often beers are chosen over a cuddle. Although, the fact he asked you what you needed then didn't follow through validates your feelings.

If this is a one off, I'd let it go. As PPs have said, you could go find him downstairs and have a cuddle. 🤗

Depends what your expectation was.

If you just wanted him to cuddle you and show he was hearing you and then get on with his evening and he ignored you to go and get pissed yes I can see why you'd be pissed off.

But I wouldn't dream of wanting to go to bed at 7pm and I would be irritated if my partner expected me to because he wanted to.

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect your partner to give you a quick 5-10 minute cuddle and THEN go have some beers. You were asking for emotional support and he knocked you back. Tell him that. Or maybe next time go cuddle him while he drinks his beers.

We are not ‘cuddly’ types and I am afraid I would find your request a bit needy and off-putting. But we are big talkers and if I wanted to chat, my husband would def come and talk to me about stuff if I wanted to. It’s a shame your husband didn’t see you were struggling. Talk to him today I guess. I hope you feel better.

There is a difference in i need a hug he does then still goes on with whatever

Or you need to come to bed the night is over

Which is it

One seems normal the other attention seeking

Couldn’t you have had a cuddle on the sofa?

YABU in not getting out of bed at 7pm to go and get yourself what you needed after a hard day whilst he was getting what he needed after a hard day.

YABVU starting a thread on it.

relax

No wallowing just shattered after a rough day and being a busy working mum means getting all the rest you can especially on the rough days! 😊

we are cuddly and very affectionate that’s why it was a little surprising. Thanks for your input 😊