For wanting him to make contact?

[CaramelBiscuitCake]

Why do I want him to contact me? I have children with my ex and he hasn’t seen them for 3 years, last spoke to him last year, but not seen them in 3 years, despite this why do I want him to contact me? I haven’t heard from him in a year and I thought he would make contact at Xmas, then didnt, birthdays and still he didn’t, I should be furious with him which I am so why do I want him to contact me? Is there something wrong with me? I guess im wondering why he doesn’t care about them? Why doesn’t he want to know them? Has anyone been through this? I think it’s the change thats confused me as he would normally always contact on a birthday even if not seeing them.

Is he alive ??
My partner disappeared out of my sons life 12 years ago. Contact has been sporadic (once a year or so).

This might be an obvious question, but have you tried contacting him?

I wouldn’t reach out first, so no I haven’t. But I have wondered.

I think you should, for the children's sakes.

"Colin, I think it's important for you to be involved in your children's lives..."

After he ignored their birthdays? Wouldnt it look bad on me for me to chase him?

Also I should have included that I suspect he blocked me on the phone so thats a pretty clear message
that be doesnt want me to contact him, (he emailed me)

What about his family? Are they on contact with you for the children?

Doesnt really have family, no parents. He only has a sister but he wasn’t close to her and I don’t have contact with her.

I don't believe it would, but even if it did, so what? You're asking him to contact his kids. Nothing wrong with that.

Does he pay child maintenance? If not, you need to contact CMS.

Are you possibly blocked cos he's got a new woman on the go who doesn't know he has DC? Or as a PP has asked, is he definitely still alive?

Does he have social media or anything that you could ask someone else to check (who wouldn't be blocked) to see if he's active.

Asking for a reason why he missed a birthday is not chasing him, just cos he's decided to drop off the face of the earth doesn't mean his kids don't need answers for where he is.

I think he blocked me because he sent me an email last year asking how we are and included his number, I was confused as I’d always had his number so I responded to him by text rather than email but it said it didn’t go through, I tried a few times but each time it said undelivered, so I assumed I was blocked? Im not sure what else that could mean. I thought it was odd him including the number in an email seemed to confirm it as he usually texts happy birthday anyway so I assumed he blocked/ deleted my number.

All social media is deactivated dont think hes blocked me on that as it doesn’t come up even if im not signed in. I suspect new woman possibly new baby even, I wouldn’t be surprised, but I am not sure if he would welcome me contacting him in that situation so I have to be sure as dont want to be met with hostility..

Doesn’t work unfortunately

Thinking about this more and speaking with some other people no one felt that I should contact him, no I don’t know if he is dead or alive but he also doesn’t know if we are and doesn’t care so why should I bother 🤷‍♀️ he is practically dead away since he has completely disappeared physically, mentally, financially, emotionally

It's called trauma bonding by intermittent reward. It's how these people with personality disorders rope you into their world of pain Look it all up, things will be clearer.

He contacted me since I made this post

My ex last saw the kids 4 days before xmas 2017 said he would be back with their presents and just vanished..... tried to contact him to arrange contact time after time. What did it for me was 3 years on our daughter needed a scoliosis op and he still didnt get in touch. The kids would no longer want anything to do with him if he did get back in contact, he even ran away when he saw our 18 year old walking down the street she was so angry about that. They were 10 and 8 when he saw them now 18 and 16 , they will likely never get over that feeling of him just abandoning them. I didnt when my father left and that was nearly 40 years ago but they and i know its not us , it was definatly their loss x

All i would say is please be careful if he says he wants to visit. My ex before he completely disappeared staryed not showing up and messing the kids about. Sporadic and inconsistant contact can sometimes be more harmful than no contact x