Almost 4 behaviour

[GladLurker]

My son is a lovely boy, everyone comments on how great and polite he is, he's such a delight when he wants to be. HOWEVER, the past few months he has been beyond boisterous. Just throws toy cars at my face, kicks and scratches if he doesn't get his own way. Nothing in his life has changed to cause this.

I've tried the whole gentle parenting thing which lasted about 3 seconds because he just does not care. We have tried taking toys away, explaining to him right from wrong, no treats at the weekend etc, pretending to phone his nursery teachers, and ultimately we end uop shouting at him when he's at his worst which I hate.

He just pushes me to the absolute limit at times.

He is so loving and we adore him, but I just feel I am going around in circles with no form of discipline/consequence working. He either just laughs, ignores me, or starts hitting me even more. He does say sorry sometimes.

Today for no reason at all he just launched a hard toy at my head, I told him off. Binned the toy, he didn't care at all.

This is a child who in my eyes has a great life. I dedicate myself so much to him, hes only in nursery part time(his teachers think he's great), he is fed very well, and we do barely any screen time (tv goes on about once a week for an hour), he is outside and ran about constantly and sleeps fine.

He does not not have any autism etc before that's suggested.

I understand he is still so young, but it just so draining trying to get him to stop being so boisterous with the hitting and kicking and throwing things, and getting no where.

Lastly, we have tried the naughty step but he just gets up off of it and couldn't care less. I dont have the time to be sitting there for an hour with him on the step so any other suggestions welcome please. Thanks.

Honestly I think 4 years old are the devil reincarnated! They are only just starting to understand empathy and other peoples feelings. My DD is a nightmare currently. I get how draining it is.

All I can suggest is consistency with whatever approach you take. We found deviating from the consistency would set us right back to the beginning again.

I found boys cared less for removal or throwing away of toys. You have to find the thing they value most at that time. My DS was screens (the limited 1 hour a day he got). It was removed after 2 warning. He seemed to get it after a while. We still use it now. With DD its removal of toys.

We do the naughty step/spot. You can't expect them to sit there without getting off even if you have been using it a while so it takes some effort. Some times it take 5,6,7, attempts to get DD to stay there - my DS (Now8) once was on it over 60 mins because he kept getting off. After that episode he never got off more than once.

At the end of the day he is only 4. He's learning what is and isn't acceptable and it is going to take a few attempts (or months in our case!!) for both you and him to get it right. He is also trying to figure out his place in the house, he'll push against boundary to know where they hard stop is. You might also find if he is seeing behaviours at nursery, he is trying them out on you first to see what is acceptable.
But it sucks being pushed to the limit all the time, so sending some hugs! I'm with you in that one right now.

4 sucks! (I love a lot of it too!) And adding in all the extra feelings and expectation from school is intense when you get to that stage. Mine also doesnt care one jot about consequences. Pick battles, remain consistent, praise all the good, currently I've figured out not to overwhelm with choices - e.g. offering a choice of shoes to pack for after swimming will just mean they kick off at the idea of going swimming. Winging it

Your sanctions are wayyyyy too removed from the event. Withholding treats at the weekend?! Crazy

4-5 is the hardest stage I've encountered both with my high needs boy and fairly self sufficient girl. His hard stage was much harder than her hard stage has been
After nursery today she had a tantrum wanting about 5 different types of sweets in the shop. It's about a mile back to our house and I ended up carrying her as she kicked and screamed. The thing is I know she's just been exhausted, overwhelmed by unusually sunny day, tired from nursery but also she was up with a bad dream last night so is undersleot. So I know why she struggled today and for her it's about once a month she loses it. Even then she can tell me 'im too upset. I can't walk. It's too hard' which really ultimately helps. My son used to have a meltdown 4-5 times a day and they'd last for hours. He couldn't tell us what was wrong and we couldn't always work it out. I got my daughter home and tucked up on the couch with a biscuit and a cup of milk and she settled in 10 minutes.

4 is the hardest age for little kids! I definitely have found so far anyway. But some kids version of hardest is harder than others.

My son though. He has autism and ADHD but is very bright and mainstream has now learnt to articulate his upset. Has learnt to make use of his calm space when worked up and now rarely lashes out. So I feel confident telling you things will get better, your child will learn but also develop impulse control and better understanding and regulation of his own emotions. We 'gentle parent's but the actual parenting kind, not the 'i don't intervene even if he's throwing himself off a wall' stereotype people like to perpetuate.

For us that looks like sitting with him while he gets over a meltdown . In a situation with the thrown car I'd take his box of cars, put them on a high shelf and tell him 'its clear you're not able to play safely with these just now, we'll try again tomorrow' and hold the boundary. So if he got upset about that I'm there to help him get over the upset but I'm not giving the cars back. Then once he'd settle from his meltdown we'd talk about better ways to manage his cars. Not had a car thrown at my head in a few years. Now I occasionally dodge Sylvanian families mind you

Also what do your days look like? Kids go through play schemas where they NEED the sensory outlet of throwing or hitting or pushing or whatever so when my son was throwing a lot on the advice of a child psych friend I set up safe throwing games at home and also we get 2-3 hours exercise every single day outside if possible which massively helps

*ucking fours
Just keep with consistent consequences when he does somwhting wrong and lots postive praise when he is doing things right.