Please hep me decide what the right thing to do here is.

[C0ATS]

I have a dd who has been very ill with an eating disorder. She was hospitalised for 9 months. For 14 months she has been receiving PIP, well I am her appointee and I receive the money. I have mostly been putting this money away with the intention of her using it at some point, she has been through hell and I would love to be able to give her a lump sum. But I also have been using it for various things that have made her life a bit more comfortable like a clothes allowance and a doing things together we couldn’t usually afford as well as paying for travel to visit and attend all appointments and pay for therapy etc.
she also has a fair amount of savings as she is careful with money. She has been invited to a couple of expensive things in the summer, a festival and a holiday. I am not sure if she will be ready for these tbh but she is also worried about spending her money on these which will total around £700.
I have this money and could pay for her but don’t want to be overly generous as can’t do this for siblings, but essentially it’s her money.
would you give her the money for these things or even just give her all the money? It amounts to around £5000

thank you for any ideas

please don’t say that if I can save it then we don’t need it. It has been an awful time and I have needed to take time off work and the whole family has been affected very badly

She is almost 17

Using the money for something that will improve her quality of life sounds like a good use of the money to me, @C0ATS.

She’s 17 and it’s her money so I’d give it her, but help her with it also. Total control over the money could be stressful for her, but paying for those events makes sense

What about using some of her savings and giving her some of her money?

It’s her money.

If you think the trips would be good for her (and if she is healthy enough) then absolutely I would use the money for them.

Re the rest of the money - I probably wouldn’t give it to her all at once but perhaps let her know that it exists and is to be used for things that will help her recover or improve her quality of life. So if she has any ideas in those categories she can discuss with you.

I would definitely give her the money for the trips, if she's well enough to go. She's been through such a difficult time (as have you) and deserves to have a lovely time with her friends if she can. I'd also think about a treat for her siblings who have probably had to take a bit of a back seat while she has been so ill, understandably.

I can't think why anyone would begrudge the PIP your daughter recieves. Having a child with an ED bad enough to be hospitalised is unbelievably difficult. I would pay for her trips and also use a little to treat her siblings as ED affects the whole family.

As her appointee I think you're doing the right thing by saving as much money as you can for her future as it sounds like her life and presumably her education has been interrupted. There may come a time she'll feel well enough to apply for courses that need paying for, or for driving lessons to help with her confidence and independence etc

If you believe she will be well enough then I'd cover the cost of the trips and keep hold of the rest for when she needs it.

She's been through a lot and needs to be s 17 year old girl having fun with her friends.

Thank you all. I’ve had a chat with her, told her the money is hers and it’s there and it’s for things that will make her life better, easier and support recovery.
she’s so sweet she said it’s for you mum, you’ve done so much for me. Anyway we talked it through and she understands that she can have it for these trips and for anything else when she wants.