Is DH unreasonable about social event?

[Borrowe]

DH and I met when we were in our mid 30s and by that time we both had separate groups of friends. Generally speaking we socialise separately, me with my friends and him with his, although there are some occasions when we crossover and husbands / partners also attend.

The last year or so of our marriage has been difficult, no one to blame necessarily. However, we’ve come through it and are slowly getting to a better place. During the issues, I’ve confided in some of my group of friends about the difficulties, and DH has become aware of that.

In a few weeks, one of my friends has suggested a couples night out, which I’m up for and DH has been in the past. However, he’s said he doesn’t want to go to this one. He’s not stopping me going, but he feels awkward about being around the friends I confided in, and feels they will definitely have told their husbands about our issues.

I’m not sure if he’s being unreasonable here. It’s come a little out of the blue, as things have been going quite well.

DH and I have been through a rough patch and confided in our friends. It's been years ago and I'm still uncomfortable around his friends, especially as we don't socialise together often. He'll get there, but it will take time, I can understand where he's coming from.

My ex would tell his friends and family every detail of our life's.

I so embarrassed at some of it was privet to me, and me thinking he wouldn't tell anyone.
Including a boil i had in my nono silly yes but I was embarrassed about it.
Our sex life was told like a story.

I get that friends are there for us but sometime they dont need to know everything.

I realise it is not the same because they are his feelings and not yours, but how would you honestly feel if he had done this. I'm not being critical of you just it may help you understand how he feels

My husband and I have had difficulties in the past and had marriage counselling. Our mutual rule has always been we confide in each other or the therapist but never our friends when it comes to intimacy, and marital issues. For the very reason your husband has raised - it means the person who’s been talked about has no real idea of how much has been said and feels awkward and judged.

So a few months ago you were having an intense conversation with a friend about your lack of a sex life with DH at a social event with him right there too?!

Now he is uncomfortable going along to this upcoming social event because he found out you’ve been confiding the above with multiple friends?

I cannot blame him. I would be boycotting any social events if this were a reverse and my husband had been complaining about our sex life to his friends and then expecting me to do social events with them.

Oh god, I wouldn’t want to go either. YABU sorry.

No way would I want to go with you to a social event where people had been told this kind of stuff about me.

Jeeze...

I don’t think you were unreasonable to confide in your friends, but I don’t think he’s being unreasonable to now feel awkward.

I went into a decent amount of detail, but not every blow by blow issue. The issues are we’ve become disconnected and intimacy has reduced significantly

Jeez, of course he's not going to want to spend an evening with a bunch of women who have been told about his 'significantly reduced intimacy'.

How would you like to hang out with your husband's friends if they were all looking at you thinking 'Oh, there's Pete's wife, the one who won't let the poor bastard shag her?'

Well and the fact that he knows they’ve told their partners who’ll also be at this event!

I'm probably in a minority but I would never speak to anyone my DH knows about our marriage. We met in our 30s too, so had established friends. We also mostly socialise separately. Occasionally together, but it's never the same as his friends are much more his/mine much more mine, and new friends - acquired as adults - just aren't the same.

I think it's fine if you confide in your own friends, but a huge overstep if you confide in someone who also knows him (and by extension, who could also talk about him to other people he knows).

Well that’s the repercussion of saying the unfiltered truth.
You needed to be quick thinking with a better answer “we were discussing a recent difference of opinion on the topic of xyz” without it being about him.

I wouldn't fancy socialising with my husband's friends if he'd discussed our sex life and other problems.

And of course we're all fairy biased when telling our side of things, even if we don't mean to be.

Honestly I can see his point. I wouldn't want to either. He will feel judges and awkward.

I definitely see his point but I would hate a couples night regardless

I’m surprised by these replies. I have a BFF that I confide in (not gory detail but she has a good idea of what’s happening in my life, as I have in hers). DH knows this and has no issues with seeing her or her DH. I know DH talks to his best mate too and it doesn’t bother me.

But is your bff telling their partner? Are you telling whole groups of people?

Don’t know if she is or not? Possibly. It honestly doesn’t bother me but no, I’m not telling whole groups of people, but it doesn’t sound like op is either?