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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would I Be Unreasonable?

25 replies

saggyhairyarse · 17/06/2008 21:18

Bil and nephew were taking the mickey out of my DS having stabilisers on his bike still. Nephew has not got stabilisers (he is 5.5) my DS does have them (he is 6.5 but he has nystagmus).

Would I be unreasonable to say "don't tease DS about it?" DS was asking me why his Uncle and cousin were being mean to him as they were really mocking him for it.

Also, would I be unreasonable if I asked BIL and SIL not to tell me to smack my kids when I don't tell them not to smack there's?

PS. I feel pretty sure I would not be unreasonable, I am jsut venting after biting my tongue yet again on the weekend. Inlaws, arrrgggghhhhhhhhh

OP posts:

cardy · 17/06/2008 21:19

YANBU

LyraSilvertongue · 17/06/2008 21:20

YANBU. Mocking a small child for anything is just horrible.
Your poor DS.

2shoes · 17/06/2008 21:21

YANBU

stuffitllama · 17/06/2008 21:21

yes yanbu whatever are they thinking? they don't sound awfully nice tbh

littlelapin · 17/06/2008 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kayzisexpecting · 17/06/2008 21:22

YANBU.

That is disgusting. I agree with Littlelapin. He needs to grow up!!

namechangecosfeelingsad · 17/06/2008 21:23

I don't think it would ever be unreasonable to ask a grown adult to stop mocking a child, FGS. Even if they only mean it as a joke, once it is pointed out to them that they are upsetting a child with their thoughtless comments, the only kind response for them would be to apologise and to never to do it again.

And as for the smacking...bah! Stick to your guns, you sound nice, they sound a bit gung-ho to me.

mummymusings · 17/06/2008 21:25

they tell you to smack your children??? OMG!

I suppose the polite way would be to request them to poke there nose out of how you chose to discipline your child, my way would be to tell them to f* right of and let them know in no uncertain terms that while they may feel its reasonable to use violence against there child you will certainly do no such thing with yours!

Sorry if i sound ott i fortunately dont have ils to deal with and am rather to the point

You are absolutely in no way being unreasonable, the fact that you havent told them exactly what you think tells me youre rather a saint!

Twelvelegs · 17/06/2008 21:25

Your in laws sound horrid. Do some children just never grow up?
As for the smacking perhaps you should have insisted they got one for cruelty!!

Sanctuary · 17/06/2008 21:25

YANBU
tell your BIL to grow up

I know you can`t do this
But next time tell Your DS next time nephew laughs at him when he is on his bike .Go over and push him off his then laugh
See if he likes it

I hate it when people take the piss out of others like this

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 17/06/2008 21:27

The more time I spend with them it becomes more apparant that they are not very nice people really.

I am really annoyed at myself for not defending my son and biting my tongue. Deffo speaking up next time!!!!

OP posts:

bluenosesaint · 17/06/2008 21:27

YANBU

They need to grow up!

Twelvelegs · 17/06/2008 21:27

You will be armed for next time.

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 17/06/2008 21:35

Yes, they do tell me to smack them. My DD is 4 next month and in the half term we were with them and she was having tantrums (we were at a theme park and she could not go on on rides because she was too small and so she was having to wait with me and our DC3). Twice I took her back to our tent because she was having an abdab and I was stuck with her waiting around so better to not be there and they both told me I should of smacked her for it.

They have are always bringing up the smacking thing whereas I don't tell them not to smack their kids. It is not that I am anti-smacking, I don't think about it as it is jsut something we don't do, I don't concern myself with it.

OP posts:

mummymusings · 17/06/2008 21:46

smacked her for what? for the fact that she is still a 3yr old child who isnt actually emotionally developed enough to manage her feelings, that is allowed as a child! It would have been more helpful for them to help entertain your dd to distract her and give you a break.

you cannot punish a child for the fact that she hasnt and wont for some time develop emotionally, she is not an adult! Its quite understandable she would get frustrated when she feels she cant join in when she can see others having fun, she doesnt understand why not really.

bless you for being so patient, it is hard when you just want to have a nice day and they play up.

The thing with smacking i think is that your child sees you do it against them and they think well why cant i then? its a valid way of expressing your frustration. though saying that if my child were to do something that endangered them then i think i would definitely give them a light smack to drive it home to them.

CombustibleLemon · 17/06/2008 21:55

I'd ask your BIL to read this (bottom paragraph). Then I'd ask him to remember that you don't criticise his children or his parenting choices and you'd appreciate it if he could try and do the same. Then I'd stick pins in the wax effigy of him I'd moulded.

mumeeee · 17/06/2008 22:13

YANBU. Your BIL needs to learn that it is not good to tease a child and to teach his son some manners. Children learn to ride bikes at different ages and I know that a quite a few 7 year olds still have stabilisers.

jammi · 18/06/2008 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 18/06/2008 21:47

CombustibleLemon

I only just read your link, thats ever so much for passing that on.

I have actually emailed it on, which is very brave of me as I usually just suck these things up!

Thanks again

OP posts:

TheSmallClanger · 18/06/2008 23:35

YANBU Saggy. Adults should not take the piss out of children like that.
FWIW, I had stabilisers on my bike until I was about 8 I think.

SmugColditz · 18/06/2008 23:37

god, what a twat.

Alambil · 18/06/2008 23:48

Well done for passing that on saggy

I hate bullying - especially adult to child; it is abuse, nothing less.

My NT DS (age 5 and 8months atm) still has stabilisers and I'm not thinking of taking them off any time soon - possibly not until next year even.

All his friends are off them, but I don't care - DS has very, very little confidence on his stabilisers even and it takes a lot for him to even ride it!

I think these people need to take a long, hard look in the mirror - they are abusive bullies and need a reality check.

I apologise for using the NT acronym - I'm not meaning your DS has SN - I'm not sure what nystagmus is classed as (sorry).

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 19/06/2008 05:16

Thanks LF, and no worries, I am not sure what nystagmus is classed as either!

OP posts:

Pheebe · 19/06/2008 09:03

Why are you biting your tongue???

An adult is bullying your son and encouraging another child to do so as well. Tell the adult to bugger off (politely and tackfully of course ) and point out that it is bullying - he may not realise If you're that uncomfortable about it get your DH to intervene.

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 19/06/2008 12:20

Pheebe

I bit my tongue because we were hosting Fathers Day for my in-laws so not my family and because I am a fiery person by nature who is learning not to say what immediately springs to mind, to be more considered in my response to get mt point across better (at least I try to).

But I agree I should have stood up for my son, I need to have some stock phrases at the ready for these situations.

OP posts:

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