AIBU to be upset about partner leaving dried bloody bogies on carpet?

[satsumafrog]

This is so gross, well I think it is. The carpet on OH's side of the bed is covered in bogies and dried blood from picking his nose and dropping it on the floor. Every time I go to his side to open the curtains I'm nearly sick. I've hoovered it up and told him to stop but it's there again piling up every few days. He has bought some tissues and now they're lying there with blood and bogies on too. It makes him so repulsive to me and I've told him. It's there again now and I'm really angry, he says I'm overreacting. Am I??

You can divorce for any reason you wish.

@satsumafrog I am rarely lost for words. You deserve more, every woman does.

Pack him a bag and include some kleenex and bog roll.

Does he use cocaine? I wouldn’t mind wagering he does if he has bloody bogeys.

How can you let him touch you? That’s the tip of the iceberg….Ive never actually said LTB before but how has it even got to this stage?

What is LTB? No he's not on cocaine. He's got a good job at a university and we have 2 children, age 14 and 11. I work part time and don't know how I'd cope financially if we separated. No he doesn't touch me, we have zero intimacy, the last thing was a hug 3 years ago when there was a death in the family. The last sex was well over a decade ago.

Just when I think men can’t get any more disgusting, I read things like this
You need to leave him and start enjoying your life. Get a full time job and start earning more money to help you move out. It has to be preferable than living with this pig of a man
How can you bear to even look at him

Utterly grim. I have caught my teen son doing similar and after my reaction he hasn’t done it again!

Cocaine use and having a good job/children aren’t mutually exclusive. I’d say it’s by far the most likely cause of blood in snot, otherwise he needs to see a doctor because bloody bogeys aren’t normal.

LTB is short hand for Leave The Bastard.

In your case it should be LTFB (leave the filthy bastard).

If this isn’t his worst habit then god help you.

I can’t fathom what sort of person is so lacking in their own sense of basic hygiene that they are happy to tramp through and sleep next to a pile of their bacteria ridden nasal detritus on a daily basis never mind exposing their partner to the same fate.

You can leave for any reason or for no reason at all. In England and Wales (where I hope you live) it is now a non fault divorce. But you state OH so are you married or not?

You will need to increase your working hours but go on entitledto to find out if you will qualify for any benefits. UC can help with a lot of rental costs depending on your area. Or just contact your Citizens Advice Bureau.

You do not have to put up with this.

so he has absolutely disgusting habits which would make most people vomit,
and you support his vile habits allow his children to be subjected to this over "don't know how to cope financially" sorry op.
I find this acceptance of yours deplorable your bar "he doesn't do coke" is so absolutely low, honestly SHIT and SNOT is lower than drugs.
when your children begin to snort and spit, pick their nose and wipe buggers on the carpet or smear feces on the walls you will smile and say "the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree". what about them and their views on healthy intimate relationships?
i'm sorry but i honestly can't imagine any woman even the most desperate of women to tolerate this.
i hope you have family to assist you while you reorganize your finances.

Grounds for divorce?? Girl, this sounds like grounds for murder. 🤢

You can divorce someone for any reason you want.

I would say that if someone has completely killed off any attraction you ever had for him by wiping snot on the carpet for you to clean up, smearing shit on the toilet seat and waking you up by hacking up phlegm and spitting it out, you probably should have divorced him years ago. He clearly doesn’t really bring anything positive to your life.

Can you imagine ever wanting him to touch you again? If not, relationship over. You'll be so happy living in a clean space.

I think this is honestly the most disgusting thing I've read on mumsnet.

He’s putting you and your children at risk for every single viral and bacterial illness and condition he may end up having at any point.

There’s a reason why soiled linens are considered biohazards in hospitals and elderly care facilities.

Pathogens, bacteria, and viruses are shed and spread via blood AND feces.

Completely aside from the repulsiveness of his behaviors, he’s actually putting you and your children at risk of contracting any and every illness he himself has or is exposed to. He doesn’t even need to be exhibiting symptoms himself - people can be carriers of illnesses and spread them to others without actually “catching” the illness themselves.

You maybe able to overlook his habits out of fear of leaving him, but are you able to overlook the physical danger he poses to you and your children? He’s essentially a constant Typhoid Mary.

So you are essentially using this man who you don't love and aren't attracted to, and who has foul unhygienic habits, to subsidise you working part time. You've decided you not having to work full time is more important to you than not having to put up with his vile snot and shit smearing.

You're in a marriage of convenience, and those have since the dawn of time meant that the less wealthy party trades off their own expectations, needs and standards for a partner for the money the wealthier/higher earning partner brings.

If this is your situation and you won't change it because you want the financial security he brings, at least be honest with yourself about what you're doing. And it would probably be fair to be honest with him, too. Men will also often stay in these arrangements willingly because they don't want to clean their own mess, they still want the wife work doing and the kids looked after with minimal effort. Even if there's no love or attraction there - it's a business arrangement, in effect. If you both want to agree that's what your marriage has become and you both consent to stay in it, well - that's up to you. Then at least if you have a spare room, you can tell him he's moving into it so he can be disgusting in there. You don't have sex anyway so sharing a bedroom is just for show at this point. You can tell the kids he snores if you don't want the truth to come out.

I wouldn't share a house even. Disgusting behaviour.

The honeymoon's well over then!

Definitely over. I don't really know what to do. He has other things I like but feel we're much more like flatmates now than anything else.

That’s actually disgusting wtf

Get rid.

Yanbu. That's really gross and what a child would do.

This with bells on

I couldn't be with someone as disgusting as that. It's just grim. Yuk. The hacking up phlegm would make me heave