AIBU to think having a great time in your youth can be a lifelong curse?

[IrregularMo0n]

Just as the title says really. AIBU to think that a very lively and fun youth can often be a curse for many people who then struggle to ever settle down and have much stability. Holding down jobs, less time for travel, more time spent at home supporting children/household/partner. Or for those who do manage to achieve this but are then plagued by depression, like their dopamine levels have been permanently affected by the highs of their heyday. Is this a thing? I don't mean through drugs.... but just a sense of dissatisfaction and boredom with things and that the best of life is gone forever...

It does make sense. Though I think the issue is more so what brings someone happiness rather than having a good time.
If someone thrives off being around children, structure and family life then they could have an exciting gap year/uni years and then find family life more satisfying than that.
But if someone thrives off meeting new people, new experiences and lack of routine then family life may seem dull and like they are trapped.

Id imagine the second personality type would still struggle with parenting and a stable relationship regardless of their experiences whilst young though.

I kind of get what you mean in that I spent my twenties abroad teaching English and changing country every year. I made the decision to come back to be near to family when I was 30 and I think logically I made the right decision but I struggle with getting itchy feet and have done a lot of job hopping since Ive been back.

What has helped has been working on being grateful for what I do like about the UK (greenery, easier access to hobbies and culture that I enjoy, spending time with family) and I always make sure I have something I'm working towards and things to look forward to.

Not everyone wants to slow right down as they get older and they don't have to. Our perceptions of what older people should be like and can do are changing constantly as people live longer and healthier lives so if you don't want to 'settle down" you don't have to or make it make sense to you so get a job that involves travel, get creative with how you spend time at home, instil that sense of adventure in your kids. I'm looking forward to having children and hope I can teach them to be curious and adventurous as I have been as well as speak other languages.

I truly don't believe the best in my life has passed although the last few years adapting to the UK has been tough, like a kind of reverse culture shock, I just think different adventures await. I choose to be optimistic about the future and am looking forward to having my own house, decorating it, having more mini breaks rather than big adventures and going back to slow living activities like reading and watching documentaries which I stopped doing when I got hooked on my phone and 'dopamine' fixes. Embrace the slow living!

No, I don't think so.

I think for these people there is one common cause for both the 'great time' they had in their youth and the boredom they feel now. It's not that the great time caused the boredom.

Likely an issue with dopamine as you say.

Not the case among any people I know.

A lot of people seem to not want to acknowledge that they had a great time, when complaining about their woes.

Had friend who had, what looked like, an amazing time in her 20's, travelling working bar jobs around world, going on adventures etc.

Came back to UK at 31, and back home with parents, doing temp work, not stop complaining about having to live at home, how people like her should get more help to buy houses, her jobs shit, why doesnt a rich guy want to marry her etc etc. Feel like i want to point out she "gave up" 10 years of building her life to have fun.

Not for me.

My twenties were WILD! Loads of international travel, partying with A listers and rock n roll job.

I settled down and had DC after turning 30 and am now 60. I have never felt the need to recreate my youth as I thoroughly enjoyed it and did things many people dream about.

In my experience (which could be a Gen X thing) it’s the people who DIDNT misspend their youth who have regrets and feel like they missed out.

My teenage years were boring and depressing for various reasons. BUT, I really "lived life" in my 20's with lots of foreign travel, lots of different interests/hobbies/sports, lots of socialising etc. I got it all out of my system and settled down in my 30's. Never really looked back at all. I just moved on to new things, i.e. marriage, motherhood, different interests/hobbies, different places to holiday to etc. My 20's are just a bookcase full of photo albums really - nice to look at and remember occasionally, but I wouldn't want to go back there. It was fun (very!) at the time, but my more mature/older life is also fun in different ways.

Not in my experience. I had great, extended university days (four degrees) interspersed with travelling, working in other countries, including some wonderfully mad experiences like tutoring on a film set, and lots of fun, friendships and irresponsibility right through till I hit 30, when I started taking my career seriously, and 39, when I had my son. If anything, I think it meant I was ok with taking time to work seriously and raise my child, because I didn’t feel I’d missed out on anything.

This, your young years are when you should be trying different hats on and enjoying freedom. I've witnessed it being the ones who settle down young, divorce in their middle years and then try to revisit their younger years and what they missed out on with mostly huge disappointment.

I don't think so. I don't have the interest in doing the same 'wild' things I did in my youth because I am a different person now and most of those things don't interest me. I did love and still love travelling, but I think life comes in stages and I don't wish I'd carried on travelling and didn't have my children and all the years I spent doing what might look mundane from the outside. It wasn't mundane to me, it was special.
I think life comes in stages and evolves, and I wouldn't want to be stuck in one stage forever.

That doesn't match my experience, I had a pretty wild late teens and early twenties, travelled a lot and then spent my thirties at archaeological digs around the world mostly in tropical countries, meeting and making friends with people from all walks of life. Now I live in the outskirts of London in a semi-detached house with my husband, DC and a cat, working in a desk job and there is nowhere else I would rather be. I think I got all of the dopamine chasing out of my system and am happy to live a calm and simple life now :)

No, I did all the fun stuff and so can live with no regrets about a wasted youth. I also have experience of the realities and downsides of too much partying and casual sex and even solo travel, so I am not looking at them through rose tinted glasses.

I've always wondering why my parents are so boring. Happy not to travel, or do anything exciting, just happy with family life. Now, I realise it's because they've already seen it all! That kind of excitement or adventure no longer appeals to them.

I had a great time when I was young and I've been happily married for 20 years and have 2 kids. I look back very fondly on those years and they have sustained me through the harder bits of parenting, because I found it comforting to think 'At least I made the most of being young, free and single when I could'. And now I'm looking forward to my kids growing up and DH and I having more adventures as a couple. But I'm an optimist and always have been. It isn't over 'til it's over.

I hope not lol. I had a wild 20s and now having a wild 30s - gap year, backpacking, interrailing, volunteering, emigrating etc. I accept things will slow down if DP and I have a baby, but since we’re aligned on only having one child, and DP’s parents are from a culture where grandparents are very involved (DP used to spend the whole summer at his grandma’s house as a child), we hope to not lose our identities too much, and be able to continue travelling, going to festivals etc. to some degree. But who knows!

I would tend to assume that those who hark back to their “glory days” have lives that haven't turned as well as they imagined but I find it very sad that anyone would consider family life “boring”.

I tend to agree with my Mum’s favourite adage of “only boring people get bored”

I’m fortunate to have enjoyed every part of my life so far, and my DH and D.C. are far from boring.

Not for me.
I have wanted different things at different stages of my life.
Having the freedom to do things in my late teens and twenties was great at that point, but in my 30s I wanted dc, and all the satisfaction, stress and love that brought.
Things change as you get older and go through different stages of your life.
I no longer want to do things that I wanted to do in my 20s, but I still can 'have a great time' doing things that I enjoy doing in my 60s.
I see the same in many of my friends too.

So I'd say YABU.

This really resonates with me! I spent all of my 20’s abroad earning over 100k per annum and travelling the world with my best friends. Came back to have kids and it is HARD! I know I really struggle with itchy feet and although we are financially comfortable I’ll never have that kind of financial freedom again. I try to practice gratitude and remember many people would love to have a happy marriage and healthy children but I definitely struggle

I had a lively and fun youth but I was studying and working during that time.
Since then I've got a home and continued working and studying but have made sure that my life has been lively and fun right through until now in my sixties.

How you have your liveliness and fun changes through the years. You don't need to settle for "a sense of dissatisfaction and boredom with things and that the best of life is gone forever". You can adapt, do new things, follow different passions.

Looking back over my life I can honestly say the years since I've been retired are the best. They're my heyday.

Not my experience, I had a great childhood and teenage years, spent my 20s flying the world as crew and now hold a very sensible job, with two adult children and yet I love life: I am easily pleased and excited about things and see joy in a lot of things that people maybe don’t. I am always doing something in my spare time and have a very lively life

I'm another Generation Xer who did ridiculously wild and dumb things in my youth before settling down with a 'proper' job, a family and a home. I'm now 60 and don't regret or miss any of it. I also travelled all over the world.

Like @Catcatcatcatcat says, I think it's the ones who feel they 'missed out' who are now depressed and miserable. I no longer want to get rat-arsed, take drugs or shag lots of different blokes. I no longer want to party all night and wake up in the bathtub in a stranger's flat feeling hungover and rough.

Been there, done that, bought the T shirt, as they say.

I didn't do everything in my youth

Although I have done lots of things

I still have things on my "to do list" & I hope to still do them In the future

Surely if we are lucky to live a long & healthy life, then we can aspire to do interesting things at different stages of our lives ...

100% disagree. This is not something I recognise. I had an amazing youth. I was a real party girl, I loved my youth, I had lots of friends, I went on lots of holidays, and I did lots of travelling. I settled down in my late 20s, and had my 2 DC in my early-mid 30s. Don't regret a thing, loved my youth, and loved having my kids. What you're saying makes no sense (to me) @IrregularMo0n

I don't think this is the case for most people. We largely settle down because we want to, and because we don't have the same drives and motivations as we get older. And anyway there are those who do carry on travelling, partying etc. I had an amazing time in my late teens and twenties, and actually in my early 30s too. I have no desire to recreate that in my 50s!

It depends on what your idea of a great time is, and whether you change over time.

I had a great time in my 20s. Had a decent job and enjoyed the London fine dining and high end clubs/bars scene, (Mahiki, Pangea, Dover st era). I also love theatre. I was never in!

Now I'm a middle aged parent and can't think of anything worse than going to a club! Still love the theatre, restaurants and bars but wouldn't want to go every week and love my more sedate lifestyle in the 'burbs. I just changed over time.