AIBU to worry about teens’ screen time affecting concentration and development?

[Howdoiparentteen]

Screens usage and teens have been a major stressor in my life. We have put restrictions, do things as a family but I still feel they spend far too much time on it and I just learned that TikTok and YouTube videos reduce concentration spams. It worries me more because teens brains are developing still. Kids are 18 and 15.

What else can we do to protect our kids? Or is this a lost battle? Is the government doing something?

You can't expect The Government to parent your kids.

Yes, it affects concentration.

Be honest, hasn't it affected yours? Do you have anything valuable to show for the hours online? I don't. And yet when I'm sat watching a film with my kids, I have to stop myself reaching for the phone.

You're right to be worried but you need to address it, not wait for The Government to do it for you.

Government recently declined a ban for under 16s. I think it’s a bit of a losing battle. The landscape for work will be very different in a few generations.

I think it's really difficult when they get to that age and have smart phones.... It must be impossible to police. Could you make a deal as a family to have a screen free weekend morning or afternoon together?

I mean, I'm almost 40, and I don't even use the likes of TikTok, but the internet has definitely had a worrying effect on my ability to concentrate, so YANBU, but I don't think it's something for the government to solve. I think, as parents, it's on us really.

I wish more kids would be allowed to actually play outside with friends more often, but it doesn't seem to be much of a thing where I am. It's oversupervised playdates or nothing.

Thank you. It may affect me too bu I mainly use it for looking for advice in mumsne re. Schools, parenting? listening to mindfulness and music I don’t use it much. I don’t use tikrok, instagram or facebook.

I think is a lost battle. DD18 carries it everywhere and eat with it when eating alone. She got top results in A levels but failed her driving theory test 3 times.

DD15 school performance is going downhill; she does have restrictions and phone goes off at 9pm still uses screen quite a bit.

Thank you; as adults we are responsible but I feel I am responsible for my teens which is what worries me.

@Howdoiparentteen I’ve seen issues arise much earlier than teens. My DN turned into a monster! Tantrums, rude, beligerant and in the end, getting exclusions from school and a thorough nuisance. From being a high achiever at primary, plummeted to very poor A levels. If your dc are sensible, have a conversation with them about how much is too much. What do they want from life? What jobs? I’d try and push them into something more useful! Use screens for a bit of relaxation, but that’s all.

I think is a lost battle. DD18 carries it everywhere and eat with it when eating alone. She got top results in A levels but failed her driving theory test 3 times.

She didn't fail her theory test because she uses a phone. If she was able to concentrate sufficiently well to get top A-levels, she's fine.

Also, she's 18, an adult. She can use her phone as much as she likes because she's a grown woman.

Thank you.

Difficult one. I tried to speak to DD18 but she says I am just stressing her out and not to send her any messages regarding the excessive use of screen time. I guess she is an adult and off to university soon so it is up to her and I also see her point but she is completely addictive to it in my opinion.

DD15 is a bit more receptive.

I recognise I experience anxiety and question my parenting often, DD2 had some issues with self harm and this has made me more anxious. I basically blame myself for everything.

Yes it affects concentration. Good news is that reducing phone usage very quickly allows concentration to come back- brains are very adaptible. I'd try to introduce something as a family given their ages- they really need to buy into it and that's more likely if you have ground rules that apply to everyone.

I am sure that SM and smartphones in general will be banned for children within the next decade and our kids will look back at us with absolute bafflement as to how we can have let them have completely free access to something so damaging.

YANBU to worry. I actually think that in 50 / 100 years people will be horrified that we gave ipads and smartphones to kids and young teens.

I would love governments to do more about it because collective action is the only way to avoid the “everyone else has it, I’ll get left out” problem.

I’m very willing to restrict my kids’ screen time but I don’t want them left out socially and unfortunately I do think that they would be if they didn’t have, say, WhatsApp. (The Snapchat battle is ongoing).

It is a battle; you don’t want to be left out but don’t want them to be impacted mentally by it either.

We used to do lots of things as a family but they are older and don’t seem interested anymore apart from the holidays

DH and me often say we are so grateful our DDs were born into a slightly different era, but even they saw how destructive it was to DN who is indeed addicted.

I have to say we did fill up holidays from school with holidays! They also loved doing holiday camps and courses. It was definitely easier to parent than it is now. However you can only do your best and taking a screen off an 18 year old is impossible,

I would start asking about plans and study habits at university though. Plus making friends. People who sit in their rooms don’t thrive. My DD1 was August born and not an adult for long before uni. Just because they are 18, they don’t know everything. You will just have to see how she manages but at the moment it doesn’t sound like she’s mature enough to make sensible decisions.

But you use it to entertain yourself by looking at stuff that interests you.

Same as they do.

The content is irrelevant, it's the same collective behaviour.

If you look up on a bus or train or in a waiting room, the picture ir app on the screens might be different but everyone is doing the same thing: entertaining themselves in a private screen world and shutting others out.

Be honest, would you carve out an hour to boot up a computer and sit at a desk to look at the school and parenting stuff?