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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Employee doesn’t engage

16 replies

Loopylooie · 17/03/2026 13:21

I am not his boss but I work behind the bar and I’m the supervisor and there’s just me and him on the bar most shifts.
He’s 25 and a good laugh but when I explain something to him he just looks blank like he’s disappeared somewhere and just left me his shell and when I do something with him like set tables up for a reservation he just stands there looking vacant.
If we have anyone else in with us and we stand around discussing how we’re going to do something, he will just stand there with a blank stare or make the right mmms and nods but I just know he’s miles away and later he won’t have a clue what we’re doing.
I don’t want to speak to the landlord because he would sooner just replace him but how to I get him to be in the room, it’s as if his body is there but he has dissociated from it.
Is there hope here or am I wasting my time?

OP posts:
Itsafactitsactual · 17/03/2026 13:24

Doesn't engage, or doesn't do the work he is supposed to do?

Catza · 17/03/2026 13:27

Did you speak to him about it?
I'd do that well before going to management. If you are a supervisor, I'd assume that part of your job is actually guiding employees and trying to work with them on overcoming challenges. We can't tell you what the issue with this chap is. Only he can.

Moltenpink · 17/03/2026 13:30

Ask him to repeat it back

Loopylooie · 17/03/2026 13:42

Itsafactitsactual · 17/03/2026 13:24

Doesn't engage, or doesn't do the work he is supposed to do?

He does his job fine, as in serving customers being polite and friendly but he seems to drift away, I need to tell him what he’s doing several times and he just doesn’t seem to be home.
I have told him several times not to empty fruit in the sink but he does and every time I say something he either acts like he didn’t know not to or he didn’t realise he did it which is more likely because he’s on autopilot and not really aware what he’s doing.

OP posts:
Loopylooie · 17/03/2026 13:45

Catza · 17/03/2026 13:27

Did you speak to him about it?
I'd do that well before going to management. If you are a supervisor, I'd assume that part of your job is actually guiding employees and trying to work with them on overcoming challenges. We can't tell you what the issue with this chap is. Only he can.

I think he’s just bored so he checks out and lives in a dream land.

OP posts:
Catza · 17/03/2026 13:53

Loopylooie · 17/03/2026 13:45

I think he’s just bored so he checks out and lives in a dream land.

You think but you don't know because you haven't actually asked him. And, as a supervisor, I would have thought supervision people forms part of your duties. Supervision involves having conversation with employees and working collaboratively towards a solution.

topcat2014 · 17/03/2026 13:55

Maybe he truly resents his minimum wage job?

Loopylooie · 17/03/2026 14:00

topcat2014 · 17/03/2026 13:55

Maybe he truly resents his minimum wage job?

He’s free to find something else.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 17/03/2026 14:05

He doesn’t sound that interested in the job.

The things I would consider are:
How long has he been there?
Is he on probation or has he passed a probationary period?
Are there specific points in his job description which you can say he is not fulfilling satisfactorily?
Is there an appraisal system where the issues could be formally raised?

Any of these could point the way to either progress or dismissal.

However, presumably, as supervisor you don’t have power of hire and fire or discipline so I think you should discuss this situation honestly with the manager.

Pieandchips999 · 17/03/2026 14:08

There could be so many reasons he's not really taken on board what you're saying. From board to having learning needs (I'll ignore stoned as you didn't mention any other indicators). If repeating verbally doesn't work maybe you could write things down but literally just have a conversation about it. Ask him how he learns and put some systems in. When I worked in bars there were often notes everywhere with reminders

Labelledelune · 17/03/2026 14:56

I found that ‘ come on chop chop’ works for me.

EmeraldRoulette · 17/03/2026 18:15

@Loopylooie I sympathise

What are you actually allowed to do about this? I think you should speak to his manager.

There's definitely something going on in the workplace, I've posted about it before

There could be any number of reasons he's like this

But basically, I think a lot of of us are plagued with people who just have no interest in doing their jobs and can't even focus on things.

I've had a battle today with two people who couldn't cope with an email that had eight points in it. They were clear questions and they're the ones with access to the answers, which are incredibly straightforward - mostly just figures.

I sent the email last week, I had to chase it up yesterday, they said they would deal with it and today, a more senior person contacted me and said "they get overwhelmed with stuff like that, can't you clarify on the telephone?"

The whole point of the email was to get it in writing. As far as I can tell, they're perfectly nice. But so many people just seem to drift around not achieving anything and panicking when asked to do... their job. I'm freelancing and these are the two people I was told to go to with these sorts of questions.

It's not the first time I've noticed it recently and I genuinely wonder if my services would be required if people were doing their job jobs properly in the first place.

I think some people have weaponised the blank stare thinking that it will get them out of doing anything, because so many people will just think "it's easier to do it myself than it is to explain to someone who is completely out of it".

I wouldn't have any hesitation in speaking to the manager. It's not easy to recruit but then it becomes a question of "do you literally just need someone to be present" which in a hospitality situation might be the case, especially if he's good at other parts of his job.

EmeraldRoulette · 17/03/2026 18:16

topcat2014 · 17/03/2026 13:55

Maybe he truly resents his minimum wage job?

I've resented most of my jobs

But if the bills need paying, you've got to actually do the job.

BillieWiper · 17/03/2026 18:19

If he does the work fine then so what if he looks blank while being given instructions. That might just be his concentration face!

You say he's a laugh and as long as he's pretty much pulling his weight you just need to accept everyone is different.

If he makes mistakes or doesn't do stuff he's meant to regularly then speak to his manager.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/03/2026 18:22

He might not be able to hear you. Bars are loud and you're describing discussions where he could be trying (and failing because you're all chatting with others present) to lipread.

lovemelongtime · 17/03/2026 18:25

Is he a stoner? Sounds like it and you're probably not going to get much change even if you speak to them

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