When do 2 year olds get easier?

[whowantwhen87]

i feel miserable. Everything is a BATTLE. She is my only child and I just cannot imagine having an other child/other children to deal with on top of this?!

trying to get her out of the house in the morning so I can get to work - absolute showdown. It’s a wrestle. I start the day so positively: singing, chirpy etc but she just will not get dressed. Refuses. She says she wants to so I give her some time and she never does. So it ends in an absolute wrestle on the floor. And she then takes it off. Back and forth. I end up screaming at her and then I feel guilty for the rest of the day. EVERY single day starts like this. I feel like I have tried it all.

I work full time in a demanding job but I’m starting to dread the weekends because any days out I plan just turn to shit. Starts the day not getting dressed. Then when we are finally there she will tantrum over any minor inconvenience.

I would love another baby (find the baby stage much easier tbh!) but I can’t imagine dealing with her on top of one. Or another one going through this 😂

any tips? Any advice? Any idea when it will get easier? It’s getting me down as I don’t want her to see me shout at her but when we are in a rush to get out it’s so hard.

When they turn 4!

The toddler years are brutal.
Although it was many years ago for me now, I can remember. One day he just wouldn't get dressed so I took him to nursery in his Pyjamas, he was upset when he arrived and realised but soon got changed and didnt do that again.

Absolute refusal on coats sometimes to so would just have a decent blanket to hand. But that would often be thrown off to 🙄
I think 3 was a turning point and definitely by 3.5 as we went abroad then and it was fine except one melt down over suntan lotion.

Sorry not much help but it does ease up!

Yeah, 4 is when they get more chill, I think.
Getting dressed hasn't been a battle for us, but I've heard some people dress them in their clothes before bed to make it easier in the morning.

When they move out? Only 16 years to go!

3.5, then it’s a lot more enjoyable.

Add 10 years to that.

i have thought about this but she wears a nappy still at night but not in the day so I feel it’s a bit bad if I make the nursery staff have to deal with that of taking it off and getting her into knickers etc.

it’s been an hour since I have dropped her to nursery and I still feel horrendous guilt and playing it back in my mind.

Thanks for replies so far ladies. Looks like I have many years to go and need to work on my patience 😂

I found mine were better after 2.5, and generally fine by 3.

I wouldn’t let your experience of your first child put you off having a second if that’s what you want.

Much of it is luck of the draw. My now 4 year old has never had a tantrum about anything. It has been an absolute breeze compared to what many others describe.

I’m sure we don’t do anything different to other parents so don’t automatically believe that history will repeat itself with subsequent children.

Firm boundaries and no negotiation just ‘this is what’s happening’. They do need to know who is in charge as having no boundaries is scary for a 2 year old.

At three and a half!

I think they grow out of it as their communication develops. It's a natural part of development unfortunately where the separation from primary care giver starts to form. But it's freaking annoying lol.

I think it's also just temperament. My girl is 2 in June, and she's a laid back little soul. She brings me her clothes and helps when I'm getting her dressed 🙈 as punishment for having an easy baby and calm toddler, I'm convinced that she'll either be the teen from hell, or my next baby will be the spawn of satan 😂

It depends on the child. My 1st and 2nd was much more chilled by age 3. My 3rd is 3.5 and still hard work at times especially getting ready for nursery in the mornings! by 4 they understand much more generally so have less tantrums.

My two year was a terror!! Hardest age by far and this includes a baby with four months of purple crying. Age 3 was much easier than 2. Now my daughter is 4, this feels easier than 3. I regret the few times I shouted now, I don't think it made a difference, it was just time in the end

My eldest was like this and he still struggles with transitions sometimes (now 5). The best way to handle it for us was to have a very clear morning routine that was always exactly the same with very little room for deviation - get up, breakfast, teeth, get dressed, out of the door. Sometimes a bit of silliness helped, e.g. pretending to put his trousers on our heads to get him to show us how to do it properly. Often just sympathising that he didn't want to go and we were all going to miss each other took the energy out of his resistance. Getting frustrated just made it worse because it made him anxious, and he can't concentrate when he's anxious. It's really tough but since he turned 4 it's got a lot better.

It really does depend on your child's personality... sounds like you have a feisty one!
I have four (adult) kids and two Grandchildren.. now 4 and 13m.
One of mine was just a calm chilled kid from birth, two were average and one a fire cracker!
Eldest grandchild has been pretty easy, but has the odd meltdown after school from sheer tiredness. The baby however... dear lord she can throw a tantrum already... absolutely wants to be independent... don't feed me, don't help me... it's exhausting and I know the twos are going to be hard work (I look after them)
We recently flew to Australia with her (and my daughter etc) and it was hideous!!!!

But... I also know it WILL pass. Feisty kids are hard work and it's nothing you've done, it's just their personalities, and you just have to survive it until she becomes a little more reasonable... as others have said 3.5 seems to be a turning point for many!

My first two became easier at three. My last has just turned three and hasn't started calming down yet, but maybe! The second was never anywhere near as hard work as the other two anyway.

But I wouldn't put off having another. In 9 months a young child can change so much. Another child is a permanent decision, and there'll be a way to cope once they're here.

In fact, my first calmed down a bit once my second was here, with the exception of when I was feeding him, which outraged her!

Put her in a nightdress, swap the nappy for knickers in the am and drop her off like that with clothes in a bag. It will probably only be necessary once or twice (and if it's a cute clean nightdress it really doesn't matter if she stays in it all day once or twice).

When mine went through this stage, there were days they went to nursery naked other than a nappy. Nursery said they were used to it and just get them dressed in front of me. It lasted a couple of months and I think turning up naked in front of their playmates helped end it. We are not through the ‘phase’ but I’ve learnt to let them be naked if that’s what they want and take the judgement from others 😂

It varies. My first was absolutely fine at 2, I found 3 a lot harder. By 4 she was delightful again but we had a rough patch around 5 (possibly due to new sibling arriving).

My second is almost 2 and has been very difficult for months already. The screaming. So much screaming.

My friend has a 7 year old who still bursts in to tears and tantrums if she doesn’t like something (and I don’t believe it’s her parenting from what I’ve seen, she has a chilled out 4 year old sibling).

sorry, not a very helpful answer in terms of when it will get better!!

From several years of reading/posting on here, if you struggle with 2 it gets easier around 3.5 / 4. My theory is this is to do with language and cognitive development.

IME the difficulties at this age are caused by trying to put too much reliance on verbal communication/instruction. Their language development is still in an incredibly primitive state and they don't have the cognitive ability yet to manage things like multi-step directions. Essentially the thing I would try to keep in mind is imagine if you wanted to get a dog to do the thing you want her to do, how would you approach it? You'd probably do a lot of physically leading the dog around and putting things where they can't access them. Of course dogs don't get dressed but if you wanted to teach them to cope with a new thing like a harness or nail cutting, you'd probably build up over several sessions with lots of praise and treats, and over time as they get used to something being a positive expectation, it becomes a routine they automatically do. You can do this with toddlers too. Probably at the moment the whole getting dressed scenario is primed to be stressful which is causing the whole feedback loop - she considers getting dressed to be stressful, so she plays up, which frustrates you, so you shout, which reinforces getting dressed = stressful thing I don't like. You might need to put some work into resetting it.

Setting your environment up for success and thinking ahead/being proactive is 75% of the battle too. I definitely struggled with this aspect with DC1.

Often it just helps to look at something from a distance with fresh eyes. For example what could you do to "reset" getting dressed? Sometimes it's as simple as swapping the order e.g. breakfast first then get dressed, so she's not hangry. Or could you buy her some new clothes with a favourite character on? Leave loads of time and try your new approach on a day where you don't have to be anywhere and it will be less stressful. But essentially you want to try to engineer a version of getting dressed where you can praise her loads for doing any tiny part of what you want, rather than being too stressed to notice when she does what you want (or she's already primed to fight all of it) and then getting shouty when she does what you don't want. Breaking the process down into steps and approaching each one separately is also really helpful.

Fantastic book I absolutely love BTW is called "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons", it's 99p on Kindle and it's great.

I could never do the "take them naked" thing because I don't drive and we have always walked to school/nursery. It wouldn't be fair to take them outside like that. And absolutely I have had days where I absolutely lost it and felt wretched all day. That's parenting! Apologising and making a plan to go forward is the way to go.

And FWIW, I found 2 easy with all of mine but 3.5 / 4 to be a horror age. I think we all have different natural tendencies which tend to suit different ages, but there is definitely a shift at 3.5 ish.

Just buy some nice PJs and let her wear them in the day at the weekend (quickly take nappy off if you need to). It's better that than you screaming at each other and won't be forever. Don't try to humiliate or embarrass her by taking her naked.

If she needs to get dressed and she understands, we used to play this game... I throw items of clothing at my DC and if they hit, they have to put them on. Obviously I miss a few times. Yes it seems to take longer but in reality it doesn't take any longer than dealing with tantrums and it's fun.