AIBU to ask my in-laws to stop buying presents for my kids?

[OneGreatGoldPoster]

Advise really-
I'm married with 4 kids. I live local to my husband's parents. Which never parents bother with our kids. They are bother with new partners. One of the parents has never meet any of our children ( I saw his mum once in Tesco, but she avoided my kid). The dad saw the first two kids. They saw a few times. The other two they don't bother with. Now my husband's dad and his partner (she has grandchildren) they bother with mine, they can't be bothered. Never met the youngest two. I have tried to meet up with them and they give excuses. (Now both sets of parents live within 10 mins of us). My parents (both separated one lives 10 mins away, the other 300 miles away) seem to be the only grandparents who care with their partners. Can I tell my husband's dad and her partner to stop buying my kids presents for the kids and not to bother. To be honest only my husband's great grand parents bother with the kids. The rest of them don't care and we live 10 mins from each other. They did give me a hard time when I first got with him. (We have been together over 13 years now.) ?

Why do you want to stop them buying presents for your kids? If it's just Christmas and birthdays, it's twice a year. Let it go. Concentrate on your own parents and be glad that your kids have a good relationship with them. Leave your partner to deal with his own parents. Don't make a big drama out of it.

Why can they not buy presents? I’m confused as to why you would ask them not to. Is it because they don’t baby sit and get on with their lives? A few presents is hardly a big deal.

They just don't bother with the kids. I have offered for them to come round or meet up and they just make excuses for years now. But they meet their other grand kids. So I just rather get on with my life. My kids have also asked why don't see them. So I rather stop all contact .

I did forget to add. His parents don't bother with him as well. His mum doesn't even say happy birthday to him anymore.

I understand you want their time, not money, and respect that. But at least they pick and send presents, which is better than nothing, and it leaves the door open if your kids want to see them when they grow up. If you block anything now, it makes that less likely.
I'd send thank you cards, and put how it's kind to send things, but you'd love to go for a meal or something. Might well not work, but at least you know you've done all you can.

It sounds like you would be punishing your children because your in-laws are rubbish.

Let it go.

No reason to stop the presents - I imagine the kids enjoy them. It doesn't mean you owe them anything particularly.

Well they send presents so your dc are not forgotten. Maybe dh should invite them, not you?

Are you on some kind of a bet to see how many times you can squeeze 'bother' into a thread?

Your DH seems absent in all of this. Has he spoken with either of his parents about making time to see their grandchildren, or followed up their gifts with “the DC loved the toys and would like to tell you all about them, when can we come over?” It shouldn’t all be on you or to decide to tell them not to send anything.

I don’t think you should bother with them as they don’t seemed bothered with you or bothered with your children and they don’t bother to see your children? The only seem to bother with their other grandchildren. So they shouldn’t bother you with presents

This is unreadable. What on earth are you trying to say?

How is anyone meant to advise on such an unreadable post?! Not a single sentence makes sense after the first two lines.

Your post is really hard to follow, so many contradictions.

Either way I think you’re being difficult to tell them they can’t buy your children gifts. They’re thinking about your children in their own way. I’m sure your children are happy with a gift, it’s not the worst problem to have.

So what, the grandparents have never met the grandkids but send presents? As in drop them at the door on birthdays but never knock? Or do they send them via other people. Sounds like they’re making a lot of effort for people who don’t want to bother…

Very strange they want nothing to do with your kids/family but still send presents. Isn’t that a contradiction.

As surprised as you sound it does actually happen.

Sometimes you get relatives who don’t bother to visit/make contact and then try to make up for their continued absence and the lack of engagement with gifts. The effort by the absent party to provide a gift makes said gift-giver feel less guilty for not bothering for the rest of the time. It’s sad really.

I take it English isn’t your first language, this is pretty difficult to understand what you’re even trying to say. I don’t know if your in laws are together or with new partners or who the hell sees what grandkids. I think you’re better reading things back before you hit the post button so you can maybe see how hard it is for others to understand. For example “They are bother with new partners” isn’t the correct grammar for whatever it is you were trying to say.

Can you translate

It would be unreasonably because it’s not really about you. The presents are to your kids. I do understand how children and parents feel all rolled into one when kids are small and you feel hurt on your children’s behalf. When they get older they might be grateful for a memory of presents from their grandparents actually. You shouldn’t be the person to prevent that.

Try not to let it bother you. Don't make the situation worse by cutting them off.

Incidentally, I really think you need to discuss this with your DH, seeing as it's his parents who are the issue. Maybe let him decide on the best way to deal with them.