AIBU to feel upset about no Mother’s Day present this year?

[MrsHayds]

I'm trying not to be ungrateful and I feel a bit silly.
Had a lovely breakfast in bed this morning for Mother's Day. Breakfast was made with things I picked up form the shop yesterday, otherwise we wouldn't have had those things in. DS (7yo) had 2 cards for me. 1 he made at school and 1 shop bought with a small message from him and DH.
I said, sort of jokingly, "do I get a present?" because I was expecting flowers maybe, which has been the case the lash few years (sometimes with something else) and DS said "daddy said mummy doesn't need a present". DH came back to the room and he said "I asked DS if he wanted to make something and he said no". I said "well it's not really up to the 7yo to sort out.... I can't really tell if you're joking or not" (because he does sometimes joke about stuff like that). And his face fell and he said "are you serious?".
I've felt like shit the whole day. It's not really about the present but about feeling like an afterthought. DH was off last week for 5 days, including the weekend, so it's not like there was no time. He stopped at the shop on his way from from work yesterday to get oat milk as aldi had none when I went, so he could easily have picked up flowers there.
He said "we'll go now and get some flowers" and I told him not to bother because it was done now. He apologised and asked if there was anything that would make it better. I said no, I knew he was sorry but I was still going to be upset but that I would get over it.
He did take DS to the shop to get flowers and chocolates while I was in the shower which, as I said, wasn't needed.

Have just felt sad about it all day. Sorry this was so long, kinda ended up venting.

When mine were little I used to get them to make cards because I wanted them to do something that took some effort. And dh used to take them to the shops for daffodils. When they went to university I sent them a packet of blank cards.

I think your initial feelings were reasonable and valid.
But I voted Yabu because you were not forgotten. You got card and breakfast in bed. I can understand you expected flowers too and felt let down.
However, you did get a sincere apology and restitution within hours of complaining and yet you are still upset. I don’t think it’s fair to say you felt like an afterthought. It’s the flowers that were forgotten, not you and not Mother’s Day.

Is there any reason why you might be feeling especially sensitive?

But if that’s what you wanted, why not say that in advance? My husband and kids are really sporadic, inconsistent and totally random on all occasions! If I specifically want something, I make it clear. And my husband is lovely, loving, generous. He just doesn’t buy the same things over and over. I’ve had flowers before, I’ve also had nothing other than a card before, and all sorts of variations in between. If I want something, I just make it clear. I’ve been a mum for nearly 20 years and it’s been different every year. If your marriage is generally happy, as my teen would say….I don’t think it’s that deep.

Absolutely. Why because it’s mother’s Day are you so sad about not getting ‘stuff’! They did things for you instead. Can’t you see that? Is it only the getting of stuff that matters to you? Try being a tad less materialistic. You might find life a bit happier OP.

That's a reward, not revenge.

Going overboard will make him think he's fine.

Match his energy.

Your son put some work in. That effort gets praise, that's reinforcing thoughtfulness. Instead of guiding him a bit more, your husband did nothing.

Dad, well he gets the same effort he put in. Sign his card. Does he need a present? Shrug. Rewarding him for minimal effort will get you minimal effort from him.

You were thought of…you got two cards!

I think I would probably have laughed it off for the sake of your little one and not to ruin the day and the effort made by him and the 2 cards.

And then had a word later with hubby, say it wasn't great not to have some flowers if that's what you normally are given. Hubby did sound like he tried to put it right and he said sorry though and that does deserve some kudos - many men as we see on here wouldn't say sorry but instead flounce off swearing at their partners.

See what happens next year!

I'm wondering if it sounds like your DH doesn't want all the fuss on Fathers Day?

Maybe he wants you to match his energy? Maybe he finds your energy OTT?

Just wondering...

yes flowers would have been nice but when he said he would go get you some he said don’t bother and played a marta - glad you got some 💐

I actually sent him a link for something about 2 weeks ago he could have got me. So I did tell him what I wanted 😊

I didn't say any of the stuff in front of DS. I had a quiet word after the initial asking about the present. DS doesn't realise anything was wrong

I think it’s fair enough to be disappointed if you always make an effort for others. I think the bit that got me was “mummy doesn’t need a present”. If DD asked to get me a present DH would have 100% been helping her. A bunch of flowers shouldn’t be too much for the mother of your child and the woman you are supposed to love imo.

Your son did come through for you, they put so much effort into their cards and it’s always so lovely to get one.

It's the thought that counts You had cards and when he realised he messed up because you were disappointed there was no present he sorted it. Yabu

Agreeesp if he wanted to get you something

mini blondes loved going round home bargains getting me stuff and she’s 8

FFS right back. What’s wrong with someone hoping for a little more than bare minimum?

I wouldn't be pushing the boat out for father's day. Daddy doesn't need a present, surely?

Your ds will think it odd you get breakfast in bed and don't need a gift, whereas Daddy gets a special day with you and ds making him feel amazing.

It’s so black and white to say don’t sulk about a present or a gift. It’s not simple as that is it, you could say the same about birthdays and Christmas too. But there is one day which is supposed to be a gratitude for Mum
and people celebrate it in such varying ways . I have three sisters, one got flowers and a massage, the other got dinner cooked and flowers and I got a card and another sister got a card. People see it differently so I think it is what it means to you. Flowers are never not going to be wanted are they. I don’t get how men or grown kids can not see that. Of course a mother who carries the mental load of the whole family deserves a bunch of a flowers.

Why did you ask for a present ‘sort of jokingly?’ You’ve got to be straight with each other.

I don't want flowers on Mother's day as they are ridiculously overpriced buy them the next day at half the price ! Probably chocolates would be nice but your DS gave you 2 cards so you were not forgotten.

I agree with most of what you said but no, nobody should be sucking body parts when they are exhausted. I certainly don't. It's ok to say no.

I have in the past but I'm older and wiser now and I say NO when I don't want to.