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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to struggle with my elderly mum’s rude comments and constant questions?

2 replies

PoisedSquid · 15/03/2026 17:52

I'm feeling really sorry for myself and I know I'll probably get backlash, but my mums just left mine and I'm honestly feeling like whatever I say is wrong. Mums 83 and quite independent, but she has developed this habit of saying really caustic things to me and if I bite all I get is ' o I can't say anything to you anymore' and told to shut up. Then I'm being over sensitive if I do just that. It just creates such an atmosphere. I had my daughter over today as well and mum spent most of her time saying to her 'I'll talk to you as you are nice'. We have a funeral to go at the end of the week which is a 2 hour drive away and it'll be just me and mum in the car. I'm so down as I know how it will be. What has happened to the funny lady who had a wicked sense of humour? I get shes getting older and her world has narrowed, but she asks me question after question and gets shirty if I ask her to stop a minute as I havent answered the first question. Im accused of getting on at her. Truth is I suffer from ADHD and find the constant bombardment really overwhelming and can feel myself being triggered. My dad always pampered to her, so she was used to being right all the time. She is a lovely mum and I want to enjoy her twilight years, but I dread seeing her at times and it shouldn't be like this. I can't talk to her about it as she really doesn't see how she is behaving and it'll end up with her being upset. I know I'm unreasonable at times and feel dreadful when I bite back, but im human too and some stuff said I'm expected to put up with as, as she puts it, ' I'm old, I can say what I like'. I have no tolerance for this as some stuff is just plain rude. How do I let it go and move past it?

OP posts:
MyOliveStork · 15/03/2026 17:56

As you recognise, she is getting old now and not always aware (or cares) how she comes across.
Only option is just to limit the time with her to smaller chunks of time where possible, and unfortunately if it’s a special day for you, do not see her on this day, arrange another day to visit her.
As you know, you aren’t going to win if you try and set her right. It’s the only way forward if you want to maintain a good relationship with her.

Endofyear · 15/03/2026 18:53

My mum is the same, she has no filter as she's got older! She also is constantly on Facebook and reading out bonkers stuff to me all the time 😂 I can tolerate it in small doses but she drives me crackers. No advice, just solidarity 💐

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