AIBU to think some comments on here are unnecessarily nasty?

[ilovezelda72]

Sorry but I can't be the only person on here who thinks there's some very nasty people trying to make others feel bad. I havent started a thread before but if its to comment it's to try to give helpful advice. If you have nothing nice to say then why bother commenting? I would simply scroll on. so far every post I have read there's always one who can't wait to belittle somebody or name call or make pre-judgements when we know very little apart from what was posted. How could you possibly know what somebody has going on in their lives from a few paragraphs. Some people shouldn't be allowed the internet and some of you really need to get a life!!

No you arent, there seem to be loads of threads complaining about it.

I dont know what's happening on here lately but I've ended up coming off a few recent threads feeling really sorry for the OP & with a really horrible feeling, almost like I'm watching someone being physically bullied.
There's no way a lot of the posters are even saying what they would really do in real life! They seem so full of hate.
I love Mumsnet but I'm seeing this so often I'm considering not bothering anymore.

You will always get keyboard warriors, and you have had them for years. Best not post if you don’t like it.

Lots of threads are so supportive, especially health or alcohol support type threads.
Others just get such vitriol.
I think it's quite typical really - keyboard warriors and all that, but it's a shame.

I’ve been reading MN for 15 years and there is absolutely no doubt that there’s a nastier element now. Anyone who’s been here any length of time can see that.

I agree with you OP. The ones which annoy me most are when someone posts a 'lighthearted' thread, which usually starts well with PP's posting in the same vein as the OP

Inevitably, someone will post something nasty and others wade in and it completely ruins what was a pleasant, lighthearted thread. So unnecessary. If PP's don't want to contribute in an appropriate way they should stay away rather than ruin it for others IMHO

Same. I feel really bad watching it unravel and I worry about people’s health. A lot of people are asking for help in tricky situations and already feeling down - to then get bullied and chastised is horrible.

some posters like to rile people though. It’s like a competition. I do feel quite glad though when an equally feisty OP supporter takes them on!! Derails the thread through.

No you definitely aren't the only one as this thread is kind of being done a few times a week at the moment.

Previous to that, it was roughly once a week.

Conversely, I think some posters have a very low threshold for what they consider to be unkind. Many posts that I would class as ‘blunt’ get called out for being ‘vile’, which I find absurd. Ultimately, everyone has their own lived experience, and SAHP will have a very different day-to-day experience of kindness from a city executive (no judgement on either).

@ilovezelda72 you are not unreasonable to have noticed there are some nasty posters lurking.

I do find, personally, that MNHQ are very impressive/prompt at reviewing and deleting the offenders' comments though.

eta; when the posts are reported to them, which is essential obviously

Yes. Its put me off posting my recent issue so I've drove everyone IRL mad about it instead

I just think its un-necessary to start branding people with words such as toxic and manipulative, when we don't even know them. A lot of people come on because they are at the end of their tether not to be made to feel worse. A bit of kindness goes a long way. And that's not because everybody needs to be told what they want to hear. The majority of posters are clearly nice people. Why be so mean?

There are certainly a lot of people who are drawn to these boards because they want to troll or be nasty. I don't think that's new, it's been the case since I've been on here (at least 15 years). That's unavoidable with an internet forum, and AIBU in particular comes with a health warning: it's not for the faint-hearted and sometimes it is nasty.

But I couldn't disagree more with this.

If you have nothing nice to say then why bother commenting?

The point of this forum is for people to provide frank, unvarnished advice and commentary to others. There is literally no point in having people turn up to "be nice": they can get "nice" from their families and RL friends.

For all its faults, Mumsnet is still somewhere where you will get direct and honest commentary which is often genuinely insightful and sometimes life-changing, precisely because people don't hold back and don't feel the need to pull punches. I've seen people come around to understanding some things they were previously really struggling with because of this candid advice, and this is hugely valuable.

The price of this is sometimes people are nasty. But I still think the value outweighs the downsides.