AIBU to refuse a weekend visit with teen cousin I see as bad influence?

[EdgyMauveWasp]

Hi - trying to keep an open mind here and I appreciate everyone’s thoughts.
I have a DS (13yo) with my wife. Wife has a blended family including stepbrother, stepbrother has a daughter (14yo).
We get together as family with the grandparents a few times a year, pretty average.
My DW wants DS to have a closer relationship with his cousin (though they are not blood related we’ve never split hairs and have always considered each other’s kids as family). We live several hours away and DW suggested they get together for a weekend.
I do not want this to happen, bc stepbro’s daughter is a tearaway, going out all night, chugging vodka, smoking, posting it all on IG, etc. clearly dealing with some issues from her parents’ breakup but whatever that’s for them to deal with. My DS is a little more sheltered, not excessively so but a quiet guy who prefers studying, gaming, football with mates, very little trouble. I don’t mind if they DS and cousin see each other or text, or hang out once they are a little older. But I think she’s potentially a bad influence rn and I don’t trust stepbro to supervise.
DW thinks I am BU. She says it’s important that they have a relationship and thinks I’m being over sensitive.
AIBU?

Are you worried she'll slip DS some vodka?

At that age it’s weird to push them together if they don’t already have a relationship as cousins 🤷🏻‍♀️

Its not at all important for them to have a relationship. It sounds like they dont have a huge amount in common.

One of my sons was born on the same day as my cousin's son. They have only ever met through my grandparents and have never suggested meeting up with one another. They have their own friends and no need of hanging out with distant rellies.

If they aren’t already close, it’s an awkward age for teens to start having weekend stays. My DSs got less close with DNephew at that age and previously they’d had things in common. But they get more awks at that age and so more likely to fall back on the drink etc to ease things up and have fun. I’d leave the cousin to her social whirl and let your DS hang with friends. It’s an odd time to start fostering closer cousin relationships and not an ideal match in the circumstances. Leave them be and keep it to family gatherings. Yanbu.

Why is it so important they're friends? If they've little in common then they aren't already for a reason. But I doubt she'd be 'chugging vodka' etc around her quiet less mature younger cousin with adults around? Where would she even get the vodka from?

It’s really not that hard for a teenage girl to get vodka nor an unfounded worry that she’d drink it with her cousin. Have people never been a teen??

Yeah and whatever else

Like what?

If your son is a studious and quiet boy he won't enjoy being with the cousin anyway, and she'll be annoyed at having a younger male relative foisted on her.

It's too late. Forcing two very different teens together to try and foster a closer relationship won't work. I should imagine both will resent this.

I agree with you, I’d be trying to discourage it. God knows why your wife would encourage this.

What is being suggested-your son go to stay for a weekend at your wife’s step brother’s house whilst you aren’t there?

Why is your wife so keen to develop a relationship just with the two of them? Fine if you all go out for dinner or something but otherwise, it’s rather strange.

Sorry I though I made it pretty clear: alcohol, vapes or cigarettes, general inappropriate behavior for 13 or 14 year olds.

No, ostensibly adults will be there the whole time, my point is that even when supposedly supervised the cousin managed to get up to trouble so I just don’t trust stepbrother in law. Yes what’s being suggested is they spend a weekend together at the stepbrother’s house. I’m not comfortable with it.

Well, seeing as how the laddie's only 13, I'd think he would be pretty f#cking concerned.

The weirder thing here is trying to force a relationship between two teens. It won’t work!
The way you’ve described each of them, she’ll be totally disinterested in your son, and he will identify her as a bit of a loser from the get-go. They are poles apart, so unlikely to even talk to each other!