To ask what's wrong

[Charltonstrek]

DS has been in a relationship for around 18 months first serious one for him he has just turned 25 she is 24 both working full time and its been a long distance relationship with my ds going up there every weekend after work she sometimes coming his way they've done holidays together etc was happy for ds to have somebody in his life.
His visits have stopped last 3 weeks tell a lie she drove to him and spent few hours with him and he caught train to her and spent few hours one weekend whereas before it was whole weekend together. Ds won't tell me what's happened and said he himself is fine its not a problem for him and he doesn't want to discuss it. I know im probably coming across as a interfering adult but I was just wanting to ensure hes okay and curious as to what's going on.
Go on tell me to give my head a wobble as I probably need it just disappointed for him really and like to know what's happening in his life but maybe I need to lay off so I dont mind been told this.😩

Leave him to it imho. He'll tell you if he wants to. Your concern is perfectly understandable.

You know that you are being unreasonable but it’s hard to ignore something big going on in your adult child’s emotional life. But you’ve been told to mind your own business.

I read on here a phrase that I repeat to myself frequently: say nothing, say it often.

If you need to show your support make it in small actions.

Maybe one or both of them is tired of the LD thing. Maybe the relationship is winding down. Maybe one of them has met someone else. It’s not a big deal, surely? They’re very young. Just be quietly supportive and don’t catastrophise — my mother never had a boyfriend before she met and married my father very young, and she used to be bewildered and terribly upset when my sisters and I had completely normal romantic/sexual lives in our teens and twenties where we broke up with people or were broken up with, because she thought each one was forever. It meant we stopped ever introducing her to anyone.

Yes I know im just gutted really was happy he had somebody but knew this was always a possibility and her parents loved him as well he had a good relationship with all of her family and the girlfriend spoke very fondly of my ds and her feelings for him they spoke about travelling together the lot.

Ds dad doesn't get my feelings at all lol

You've asked so you've given him an opening to talk. He knows you care. Just leave it at that. If he wants to, he'll talk to you about it. He's an adult. It's the same if it was the other way round. The more you push then the more he will close up.
It's hard I know, mine eventually tell me things but I give them space and they appreciate it. My niece feeds her mum crumbs just to keep her from constantly asking questions. I only know because I overheard her telling someone during a family gathering. Wasn't being nosey just happened to be as I walking past to go to the toilet. I've never forgotten it.

Ds won't tell me what's happened and said he himself is fine its not a problem for him and he doesn't want to discuss it.

So your question is "AIBU to completely disrespect my son's wishes and keep nagging him?"

YABU obviously.

All you can do is be there for him if he does choose to talk about it.

Nothing wrong with asking if everything's ok, but if he doesn't want to talk about it then give him some space. He'll come to you if he wants to.

We had similar, ds really liked a girl through high school and they finally got together in Yr 12 at college.
They stayed together despite going to different uni's but after 1st year at uni she called it off during the summer.
He kept saying it was fine, he saw it coming etc but i could tell he was gutted. He later told me when he went back to Uni he really struggled to deal with it but thankfully he has a good mate who is really good at helping him talk about it (doing psychology at uni).
Don't press him on it, just let him know it's ok to not be ok and he can talk about it.