AIBU to think a school reward event should not mean missing lessons?

[lurchersforever]

My dd is in Y9. She has come home from school excited because next Friday afternoon she will be missing all lessons to attend a pizza and film event in the school hall. I asked what this was in aid of and she said it's a reward for students with the most merits. She has complained all year about not getting many merits (she's quiet/quite middling in terms of school work - not to me of course!) and it turns out she's not the one with the reward but she's her bff's 'plus one'! Now I'm torn. I'm pleased dd is happy but missing an afternoon of lessons just seems to send the wrong message to me, especially as she's not doing all that great. Surely school should not be promoting the idea that it's a treat to miss lessons? The lesson will go on without her and I'm not sure how she will catch up.

Apparently there's a consent form for me to fill in and I have half a mind to refuse to sign it, but dd would be very upset with so I probably will in the end. She's a good kid but can't really afford to miss lessons. It also makes me question the way they go on about attendance - I have no desire to take my dc out of school anyway and they are both in good health but we get lots of emails about it and told what our target is and then they do this.

Also, ds is in Y11 and he says they're doing it for his year too but the draw has been delayed as his head of year was off. He's more of a high-flyer and hoping for a place but to me that is utterly ridiculous with GCSEs round the corner, though to be honest I worry less about him missing lessons even at this point as he's more academic.

AIBU to think this is a silly idea?

Unclench and stop being such a fun sponge.

I think that the staff at school know a lot more about who might be adversely effected by missing a lesson, than you do.

A great way to take the shine off your daughter’s achievements.

I do suspect this is a wind up

What is this @lurchersforever ..?!

Do you think athletes should train seven days a week without breaks before the Olympics as well?

Is it all about time inputted with you?

YABVU. Let her enjoy the fruits of her good work.

It's one afternoon, not a week. Let her enjoy it.

Have you asked what they do on Friday afternoons? I suspect the school has taken this into account.

Email to thank the school and let your daughter enjoy herself.

The OP did say in her post that it’s not her daughter’s achievements, she is only invited as her friend’s +1….
Anyway, I suspect for those who have earned their achievement through merit points, a couple of lessons ‘off’ to celebrate won’t cause any issues (and the staff will know this). The +1 thing is odd and something I’ve never seen before in a school, but I’d just suggest declining if you think your daughter will be adversely affected.

Unclench and stop being such a fun sponge. - yup - this.

Lighten up! It's one afternoon

If it’s outside of school people won’t go so it’s nice for them to have the reward and spend the time with their friends. Stop making a mountain out of not even a mole hill.

She’s not going to fail in life due to missing one Friday afternoon’s lessons. Don’t spoil this. And before anyone comments- I don’t have an issue with a family taking the odd afternoon/day off to go on holiday either.

Heaven forbid kids should have a bit of a breather. My year 9 got taken to the pictures last Tuesday for their rewards treat. He’s still able to read and write and he’s not been sent to borstal yet.

YABU. The reasons schools are so persistent in trying to follow up and prevent absences are a) the government makes them b) it can be a safeguarding and/or well-being issue and c) persistent absence can have a detrimental effect on learning if students are not catching up what they've missed. Infrequent, planned missed lessons are a different matter. 'But schools make kids miss lessons for X,Y or Z' is not the gotcha that some parents seem to think it is.

Besides, usually if a significant number of students are going to be missing a lesson, the teacher may well change the plan and avoid covering any new stuff and/or set the missing students a catch-up activity. This obviously doesn't work for persistent, random absences when kids are kept of school.

Also, if not in school time, then when? More unpaid overtime for teachers?

I wouldn’t worry for a one off on one day.

at least she’s happy and feeling positive about school

so many threads about children struggling at school so I’d let it go tbh.

I think school have put you in a really difficult position. I would be tempted to ask the head of year about the thinking re the plus one.

It's one Friday afternoon. It's not going to affect her in any negative way. She might actually enjoy herself! Get over yourself.

I don't get the plus one - never heard of this before. However, I do think the reward would be far less attractive outside of school hours, and the children who have responsibility for younger siblings after school wouldn't be able to attend. Also, which members of staff are going to have to stay in school to supervise?

The afternoon off lessons part of the reward! And the plus one is nice, my DD has been to something similar and having one of her besties with her made it all the better because otherwise she’d have been having pizza with a load of people she didn’t really know.

You’re massively overthinking this. Let them have fun. It’s one afternoon!

YABU. School and achieving is about more than just lessons. She’s allowed to have fun social experiences there too. Feeling special and happy in the environment will do more for her than a couple of extra hours of lessons.

Oh yeah please email the head of year. It’ll be top of their priority list. In fact do it right now; it’s Sunday so they’ve got no excuse to not deal with it immediately…..

OP if you really don’t want your daughter to benefit from a treat, grow a pair and tell her. Otherwise, as someone has already said, unclench. It might just motivate her to earn it for herself next time.

Oh well I'm obviously in a minority here then. Like I said, I almost certainly will let her attend it, I'm just not sure it's a good reward, leaving aside the fact that dd isn't being rewarded and is just a plus one, which I find just wrong. I recall rewards being more meaningful and not giving the impression that missing lessons is a reward. I know it sounds a bit worthy, but education is a privilege in my opinion and I don't think this sends the right message.

Some people seem to think I think the event should take place out of school hours and supervised by teachers. I most certainly don't think that. I think certificates/badges etc are fine for rewards and there's no need for this type of thing at all. In the past they've done assemblies along those lines and that's lovely imo and really celebrates success.

This film/pizza thing seems odd to me, but clearly I'm out of touch...

You say education is a privilege and I would agree. But joy and fun are a privilege too and I’d argue for a child is just as important. Do you not think this sort of thing provides a positive impact about ‘school life’ far more than what a badge does?

I didnt say "email the head of year" I said I would be tempted to ask. What do you think they would expect? Would there be some kids who weren't allowed to go as plus ones because of their behaviour or because it's too much of a compromise academically to miss more lessons? They must have a view or expectation?

I'm with you OP. My school has just introduced something similar and it's going to hit the same classes repeatedly. And we don't get told until the day before, which is a real pain in the arse - especially if you teach a subject with a practical element.

Yes, education is a privilege. But schools provide a lot more than just an academic education. They also provide social interaction, the ability to build relationships with peers and adults, and ideally they provide fun and enjoyment too.

Schools can't win, basically. We are constantly accused of being too academic/results-focussed or not academic/results-focussed enough. Too strict or not strict enough. Too stringent on absence or too ready to let kids miss lessons. Too tech-based or too anti-tech. It is impossible to please all parents and, frankly, we shouldn't have to. They aren't customers.

No wonder there is such a teacher recruitment and retention crisis. It was in the news the other day that increasingly teachers cite parental attitude and behaviour as one of their main sources of stress. I'm not accusing you of that, OP, but it is a pretty recent thing that people want to nitpick about every little thing that schools do.