Moving from suburb to village with teens: will they feel isolated?

[Biscuitfiend1]

Hi, I’m wondering if I could get some advice based on peoples experience of moving house/area with teens.
I currently live in a perfectly decent house, in a nice suburb of a city. My teens are at schools that they can reach by themselves and there is everything you need here including a regular bus into the main city centre. I’m considering moving a few miles further away from the city for a more rural way of life, to a beautiful village. It has a few pubs, but no shop and a not so regular bus route so a car would be needed. My teens are actually ok with this because it’s not that far from where we are now and because of what the house has to offer in terms of peace and the way of life. However, I’m worried that, until they can drive, they may feel a little isolated with there not being a regular bus into town and the lack of easy access to their friends. Have any of you made this kind of move and has it been ok??

Don't do it until they're independent. You'll spend your life driving back into the town.

I am rural, it is fine providing you are willing to be the chauffeur.

But don't underestimate how much time and money goes into driving them around.

Yes, the villagers are a nightmare, unbelievably clicky. We have a different set up that it’s cycling to school, no bus which is worse in bad weather. I’m always giving lifts.

however I couldn’t live in town and I have chickens and the wildlife. I love it !

Really curbs their options for part time jobs, activities, social life.

How old are they?

Lovely lifestyle, id probably do it as opportunity might not happen again, but expect to be a taxi, and dont complain when they ask!

It's how I grew up and I refuse to do it for my own children. I live in a town now.

Not without a regular bus service and at least a shop to walk to. It’s really not fair. We are in a large village with a couple of cafes, a recreation ground with a gym and buses into the local city. We still do a huge amount of ferrying, and have spent a fortune on cars and intense driving lessons for the older two. Our teens are great at knowing the bus times and planning their own way into town and can make their own ways to school but they’d have hated us if we’d been any more isolated than that and it would have hugely curbed their independence (and provably led to them taking risks with their safety.)

It, like everything, has pros and cons- my kids don’t hang around town, they don’t storm off into town BUT they are isolated, we do have to drive them everywhere and pretty much when they feel like it because they don’t ask for much and it wasn’t their choice. There’s no paths around here to walk or run and cycling is an absolute no no (horrendous windy country road where not racers speed). They’ve also been told never to get into cars with lads from school as there’s been a lot of accidents in our locality, again that means we drop everything. Now my son is working nights it makes things difficult and I do wish we were near town sometimes.

Unless you want to turn into a more or less full time Mum and Dad Taxi Service, I honestly wouldn’t do it.

I used to dream of living in the country, but once ours were teens I was so glad we’d stayed put, with excellent public transport, inc. night buses, very close by.
Dds had friends living further away, and the parents would spend much of every weekend, and many evenings, too, ferrying them around in the car.

Money may not be an issue, but learning to drive and actually passing the test can take a long time, and the cost of insurance for new drivers is pretty eye-watering now.

Goes without saying that you shouldn't even consider it unless you are happy to give lifts at any time without complaint. You'll also want to have the money for driving lessons and to buy and insure them to drive their own car as soon as they are old enough.

We live in a rural village with teens. It's manageable, but on balance it isn't a choice I would make again. One factor to consider is their friends situations. Where we live all the young people are pretty much in the same position, so they don't really know any different. If 95% of their friends live in the town then personally I would not isolate them by moving to a village.

Sounds awful. How will they socialise, get part time jobs?

I did it. Moved back a year later (expensive decision). Don’t do it.

Wait a few years.

Move rurally when they're able to drive.

Them having the independence of going off to school, see friends and so on where you are is great for them.

I think my kids missed out socially because of us living in a small village. I think moving into that environment at the teen stage where friends and independence are becoming more and more important to them is a bit misguided.

Watch "This Country" (comedy). You may re-think 😂
Tbh, some years ago, we (ex, me and our kids) didn't make this move, precisely because of the 'taxi driver' situation, isolation from friends, etc.

Don't do it. Give it a few more years till they can drive. It's not fair on them.

Yes. They will.

There is no benefit to your teens and several downsides for anyone. The rural move either needed to be done when they were young children and could enjoy a rural childhood with more freedom, or you need to wait until they have moved out imo.

I live rurally and have teens. They're good at cycling which gives them some independence. I am really generous with giving them lifts everywhere (they would agree with this statement) as I think it's unfair for them to miss out due to a decision made by me and DH. And now that the older two are old enough to drive, we facilitated that so they passed as quickly as possible by taking them out practising a lot. We pay for their petrol - my friend was a bit surprised by this and thought they should pay themselves, but it saves me so much time now they can drive to school / work / sports training / social events etc that I'm very happy to pay for the petrol! (And for their insurance.)

So it's fine - as long as you don't mind doing a lot of driving!

My parents did this when I was 13 - I hated it. No public transport, couldn't see my friends, needed lifts everywhere (which were not always willingly provided). Plotted my escape as soon as possible.

Absolutely not.
Let them finish school.
You will never be out of the car.
So mzny of my childrens friends gave up large houses on land to move into an urban setting so their children could be independent of them.
None of them ever regretted it.
Stay put.

You will spend your life driving them around.

My kids couldn’t think of anything worse than living somewhere ’peaceful’. They want to be near their friends, jobs, and social life. My 18yo often heads out after we are in bed and catches the bus.

As long as you’re ok with constant lifts. I’d wait a few years.

Yes, they'll be isolated and you'll be a permanent taxi. Don't do it.

Both children are nearing the end of school age and I’m happy to support them to learn to drive. The location I’m considering is quite special and is a rare opportunity, which is why I’m considering it. It also suits our family lifestyle. It’s not that far out of the city but, like I said, doesn’t have a great bus service. However, I do hear what everyone is saying and it is giving me food for thought. I’m just not sure I’d regret not going for it when I had the chance.

I live rurally with teens, they have grown up here, and there are things they love. My eldest (21) prefers the countryside to cities. However they have often felt isolated and my 18 year old gets bored and stir crazy. I don’t feel it’s safe for a girl or young woman to walk around country lanes on her own. (Although it’s generally a really safe area there have been several incidents over the years of men trying to get children into cars).
Their school friends often lived over an hour’s drive away, and dd is very reliant on lifts. She is learning to drive but even once she passes her test she will need time and experience to really be safe on rural roads, with no lighting and boy racers at night in the lanes. DH has frequently driven an hour and back at night to pick her up to avoid her having a lift from another 18 year old. Cars with an inexperienced driver and several teenage passengers really worry me, and we would far rather pick her up than risk that.

I would say needing lifts everywhere and the lack of anything close by is tough for teenagers. We do have a cafe and a village shop, and there is a walkable very small town with more shops and cafes, but that’s not much fun unless you have a friend local enough to walk there with you.
DH grew up more remotely than this, and he was totally reliant on his Mum driving him to town, as the bus service was very limited and cycling not safe. Six miles to the nearest small town so a bit far to walk. He loves rural life but definitely found it constraining when he was young. In contrast my parents moved to a city when db and I were teenagers and it was great, I could walk everywhere, there were also plenty of buses and a train station.
Should also add that although you aren’t elderly now, rural life as one ages can be really difficult too. Lots of people retire to my village, but the distance of emergency healthcare is a big issue, and if someone has a medical problem that stops them driving then life becomes very difficult indeed. Friend (early fifties) had a back problem that stopped her driving for some time, very hard for her. Other friends have needed lengthy treatments eg chemo, and it’s a long way from us to the nearest large hospital,( that may not be true for you). That worries me as DH and I get older.