To not understand why people go on about the impact of Covid lockdown on children

[PrunellaModularis]

It comes up all the time on MN and I don't get it.

They had several months off school, couldn"t see their friends or grandparents or do clubs. Then lockdown ended, back to school, friends, grandparents and clubs.

How come people say "because Covid" to explain young people's behaviour.

Disclaimer: I'm not talking abouy kids in abusive families.

Ignore poll - don't know how to disable it!

So in your years of teaching, you have never had any pupils pass away?

Before covid, no one had ever passed away?

How would you have handled it pre covid?

In that case how did kids growing up in the war ever survive? Being bombed for YEARS, family and friends being killed? Did they, once the war was over, not go to school again?

of course not. And yes, some kids suffered but now everyone talks about a whole cohort of kids being affected, not a generation!

As someone who works in a uni, it has a massive impact on them socially. The ones who were 14/15/16 at the time seem to be the ones worst hit. They seem to really struggle with communication.

Im just getting the ones who were 12/13 at the time and they actually seem a lot better.

People always talk about "war generations"

I had a reception aged child and year 6 during lockdown. Year 6 got on fine, was able Fi get in with the work set.

I was somehow supposed to phonics to my reception aged child while still going to work everyday She wasn’t getting it and they kept on expecting us to build on that but it was impossible.

I do think the impact of the shitty lockdown has affected her.

My DS was in reception when the second lockdown happened. Before the lockdown he really enjoyed school and was happy to go but after the lockdown he never really settled in school again. I always wonder how he’d be if the lockdown had never happened.

I think people are grossly underestimating how frightening that time was. I was frightened, and I wasn't even one of those so scared they were washing down groceries etc. Weirdly enough, being isolated and in a state of fear affects growing brains. Things wire together that shouldn't, and don't wire together that should. There was no amelioration of fears and anxieties by socialisation.

Being out and about in the world, and doing things that stretch our competence, is how children (and adults) grow and develop confidence in themselves and their world.

Instead, children's worlds became smaller, and their 'safe spaces' consisted of one house (and maybe a garden) for prolonged periods. My nephew developed agoraphobia and is still trying to overcome it. It's hard to fight your own brain.

People are comparing it to children from war zones etc, and my parents both lived through World War II. They had some good times, socialised etc, but they were both deeply damaged in different ways. My mother was abusive, and I have no doubt that her war experiences contributed to that.

Trauma doesn't just go away when you remove the cause of the trauma. It sits in your brain and can take even adults by surprise, much less children.

Yep not sure which post you’re quoting but yep it’s nonsense. Many teens like seeing their friends and need that and lack of school work at a crucial time on top.

why don't you just count yourself lucky and get on with your life instead of posting really insensitive threads on Mumsnet. If you were really interested in the answer to this question you could read the research. Do you seriously think that every single child and family had the same experience you did? And if they didn't, what? They are making a fuss? You clearly have no idea how lucky you are.

The war was different. You could still socialise. Everyone was in it together. Schools continued as far as possible.

And if you are trying to imply no one was impacted by the things they experienced in the war I suspect you are very much mistaken.

Are you trying to say that evacuees weren't impacted?

I think this questioning is extremely distasteful given what the other poster explained.

She was in all the top sets and was an excellent student. mental health issues always have a starting point and this was hers.

Yes, we're working on it. She aged out of cahms before being seen but I did get her into adult services for a time, it was pretty useless.

She is looking at parttime work and we've signed her up to do her English and maths. We're now looking into access courses but she needed time to get herself well. She still self harms when stressed but has not attempted suicide for some time so that's something at least.

Just because someone has not completely turned a situation around yet is not an indication of not trying.

@PrunellaModularis you are just being goady with the “they’ve had plenty of time to catch up”.

How exactly do you catch up on completely missing your GSCE’s (being given estimated grades) which limited your A level education settings? A levels were then your first set of major exams after year 6 sats.

Or you completely missed your A levels and results were based on mocks. Uni places were pulled and don’t get me started on the university experience during multiple lockdowns.

The world waits for no one so all children at whatever stage were affected. My marriage is still affected. The way we work is still affected. I can’t ‘catch up’ on not being able to see my parent before they died. I admit that it can sometimes feel like a dim and distant memory but to downplay the lasting effects that lockdowns has had on a generation is foolhardy and heartless.

It was my post

I'll be honest, my son loved it, his mates loved it, I don't really know of anyone who it has had a lasting impact on

I do agree for the most part. While undoubtably it had long lasting effects on a few, its most lasting legacy is that it is now one more excuse added to the ever increasing list of excuses trotted out for poor behaviour in schools, university, poor work ethic for new recruits in employment, lack of resilience in young people, and of course poor mental health - the list goes on. Instead of holding people up to expected standards of performance in education or work we actively look to assign issues to them and in turn give them excuses not to perform. We’re training an entire generation in how it’s ok not to show up and deliver.

But actually there are studies showing thr generations of children affected so yes they do.

Many of those who lived through the war had lasting impacts, including right through to the end of their lives.

A few months!!

Read the posts, it’s already been explained that it was more like 2 years.

I find the willful misunderstanding / ignorance / whatever of other people's experiences by some posters on this thread highly upsetting. And the blaming of parents because some children couldn't cope.

It's all very much 'well my children were fine so if yours weren't it is your fault' rather than accepting that kids are different in different circumstances with different prior experiences.

No? Both of those things were widely used before the pandemic, too…

Ignorance is bliss.
A lot of children who already had mental health problems really struggled, sadly I know children who died by suicide, not the fault of lockdown but it didn’t help.
Most children bounce back.
It has done irreparable damage to a lot of adults, people became less social, less open, more enclosed in their homes and many haven’t ever really recovered.
My mh was definitely damaged, it hasn’t recovered, I lost my job, my parents died, my youngest diagnosed with a congenital illness, I gave up mumsnet for few years, I’ve gone from 40 to 46 stagnant.
You can’t measure the damage based on your own experience or mine.
A lot of the older generation has been affected longterm.

Not to get too pop-psychology about it, but telling yourself you love something is a known psychological defence mechanism against the fear of things being out of your control!

It can be a useful tool, but it doesn't mean there isn't psychological work going on there.

ETA: some did genuinely enjoy it of course. And I am glad your son and friends seem to have positive views.

My point is: we don't really know how an individual is changed by something, only they can assess and their assessment may evolve as they progress through life. But at societal level we can see patterns.

My kids have fairly happy memories of it. They were lucky that they had a house, garden and none of their relatives became ill from it. They enjoyed missing school, would talk to friends online. First lockdown was better than second as it was summer and sunny and a bit of a novelty for them.

Maybe they were ok being online a lot idk. It’s normal to prefer being with friends but also at GSCE stage actual learning was key here.

I’m a good parent however I was working full time with other peoples children whilst having to leave my own.

My daughter developed serious Anorexia whilst trying to keep healthy and 6 years on is still struggling.