To not understand why people go on about the impact of Covid lockdown on children

[PrunellaModularis]

It comes up all the time on MN and I don't get it.

They had several months off school, couldn"t see their friends or grandparents or do clubs. Then lockdown ended, back to school, friends, grandparents and clubs.

How come people say "because Covid" to explain young people's behaviour.

Disclaimer: I'm not talking abouy kids in abusive families.

Ignore poll - don't know how to disable it!

My 3 children were all key workers during covid. Even the then 17 year old stepped up.

my eldest had a breakdown after it all and what he saw haunts him to this day.

and yes. He was/is an adult but he’s still my child.

my niece was 2 at the start of the first lockdown and couldn’t see her mum properly for months.

This was my experience too with my son.
He left year 6, where he had been to keyworker school and enjoyed, moved to upper school and keyworker school was terrible, he refused to go, stayed home alone, did no work, was lonely, got depressed....it would have been much better had he still been at primary. Just awful timing for his schooling

Multiple studies have shown long lasting impacts on children's education, social skills, and mental health.

Lots of these children haven't finished school yet so yhe ramifications on things like future workforce will be unknown

Even if it doesn't affect the OP at an individual level, it's surprising she can't see why people are still talking about something that has been proven to affect the population as a whole and where the final effects when these children reach adulthood are still to be seen

I get slated whenever I say this as a childless person, but the restrictions were much worse for adults and in general (abused children excepted of course) single adults suffered more.
I understand it's different also if these restrictions happened when you were forming your personality.

I think a far worse impact is from the parents you see pushing their kids about in pushchairs, with their heads buried deeply in their phone. Not talking to the child or sharing what they see as they walk along. No wonder they start school with less language ability.

On a personal level, the pandemic was mixed.

My teens were old enough to connect online with their friends and spent a lot of their downtime gaming. As adults they are not at all interested in gaming and prefer face to face interactions with their friends. Although my youngest child struggles socially. Hard to say if this is due to the pandemic or not.

Both suffered academically because online learning did not really suit them. Both did the bare minimum and did not do especially well in exams, and neither had good enough grades to go to a top university, despite both of their parents doing so, and despite tutoring to try to catch them up.

My business did really well in the pandemic as we were supplying an essential service, so although we had zero money worries, I was flat out working 12+ hour days and simply wasn’t around enough to supervise them.

My son developed his love of DIY during the pandemic, by fixing things around the house, ordering tools online and learning from YouTube. His current work stems from that love and he’s doing well, so missing out on university feels as though he dodged a bullet, with all the concern around student debt.

I appreciate how fortunate we are, and that many families had a worse time of it than us.

I don’t even have children, but it doesn’t take much consideration for me to see that this was a huge period of uncertainty - where life as we know it, probably HUGELY affected kids.

All the middle class parents used to nurseries and soft play had to watch their own kids. It must have been utterly horrendous! 🤣

Seems like your children had it way easier then children of people who lost their incomes, struggled with evictions, house loss, having nowhere to go (most people dont have family ready to lend them a spare room). Sounds like your children not only had each other to socialise and play with but also lived with their grandmother at the time. I really wouldn't consider their situation (as stressful as it was for you) as being detrimental for your their wellbeing.

An only child living with single parent, a child in small flat without garden, children of parents who lost their income or loved ones, children in high conflict households, children facing homelessness, children with special needs or with parents with mental health problems etc - they would be way more affected. If you're an only child stuck in little space without garden access when your mum is stressed due to money/health you're missing basic ingredients for healthy development.

Despite your laughing emoji it probably was tough for some working and trying to do childcare. And for some children across all demographics they would have had heightened risk of abuse.

If you are generally interacting, @PrunellaModularis maybe follow this which is one of the strands of the Covid enquiry:

https://covid19.public-inquiry.uk/news/life-changed-so-quickly-major-new-research-reveals-pandemics-profound-impact-on-children-and-young-people-as-inquiry-prepares-for-module-8-hearings/

One of the great things about Mumsnet, for me, is the exposure to the lives of people different to me - you can't extrapolate from your experience, or those of your children or your immediate, selected circle.

There is trauma exacerbated by the pandemic that has left a very long lasting effect.

I know a family where 30 something mum was dying of cancer, leaving a 5 yr old child behind. She died in the early days, no funeral and no support. 4 grandparents and 2 aunts who promised to form a village and help raise the child lived outside the limits. That little child was alone with a grieving dad all day long, I can't imagine the horrors of it for either of them. A few months in he was working full time and they had a minder but again, just them in the house. She seems like a normal little girl but everytime she thinks of her mums death the role of the pandemic must be in the forefront of her mind.

Same with a friend whose mum had dementia despite being in 60s. She was about a week or two into a home where they all planned visits but ended up waving in the windows, she couldn't understand and believed they abandoned her. Her state deteriorated very rapidly and when they visited she no longer knew them. They have so much guilt and upset about the end of her life, it's totally different from what could been.

We might’ve all been in lockdown, but we didn’t all experience the same lockdown.

Thousands of children were suddenly left with no support, no assessments, no diagnosis, no treatment. Then years of backlog.
Not all schools managed homeschooling the same way , or keyworker groups , or the resources provided, or the catch up after , or the new normal.

Not all circumstances were the same,some people lost jobs and homes. Some People had to work at the same time as looking after children. Some people were locked in a one bedroom flat on the 5th floor. Some people had to keep the kids stuck quietly upstairs because one parent was working downstairs. Some people crashed and massively struggled with mental health issues themselves. Some people had several kids to manage and juggle. Some people had kids with SEN that massively struggled. Some people lost loved ones. Some people absolutely loved it. And a hundred other circumstances that will affect how they managed (or not ) during lockdown and how long the effects would last.

Just because YOU were fine(and tbh so were we), doesn’t mean everyone was.

A strange comparison. Much easier to avoid exposing them to a war that is about 3,000 miles away than something that affects their daily life.

I was able to take some unpaid leave from work and we kept busy but one of my children who was Year 6 at the time was still very affected by it. Not academically but she has ongoing mental health issues and the low mood definitely started in lockdown. We can say with hindsight it was just a few months but at the time we didn't know when it would end. There was a lot of uncertainty. I'm an excellent parent and was calm about it myself, actually enjoyed it in many ways but something was taken from our children and to assume that they will all react in the same way if they were appropriately parented would be wrong.

My youngest was a baby and also Autistic. Who knows whether his social skills delay and social anxiety might have been better if he had been more socialised as a baby/toddler. And some things like hearing loss might have been picked up sooner.

My DD, an only child, was year 7. Hadn't transitioned well to secondary, was being bullied, we were at the point of raising it with the school when lockdown happened. She was blocked from the class whatsapp so had no means of staying in touch. I was working full time, attempting to help with home learning. After about 8 weeks, the school did a "reset" day and I realised she'd just stopped doing anything she found too hard - 30 lessons! I reduced my hours and tried to help her stay on track with Maths and Science. Supposed 40 minute lessons were taking 2 hours.

Year 8, she was incredibly anxious about going back. Everything had changed - the tutor room, bubbles, pre-ordering food from a limited menu, one way system through the school, not all classes as tutor groups (no mention of this beforehand!). She struggled through and then we had second lockdown. This time with online learning, and she thrived with that. A routine, feedback, interaction but from a safe space.

Year 9 all change again and she wasn't coping. Started to school refuse, high levels of anxiety, saw the school counsellor. Year 10 and everything peaked. Subsequently diagnosed with autism. Didn't make it back to school. Months without education whilst I battled with the LA to provide something. Serious mental health issues, eating disorder, self harm.

Clearly the autism was there all along and masked, but the lockdowns impacted our family in a huge way. I will never know if it would have been obvious sooner without it because her anxiety was written off as "due to Covid" for almost two years.

It was also the catalyst for my marriage ending. Being together 24/7 made me see my exH didn't even like me much less love me.

I won't ever forget that time in my life, it changed so much.

My youngest was at the same stage and got through it very well.
However, last week she told me about a conversation with a group of her friends who spoke of the absolute horror of the first two years of seconday school, how hard it was, how miserable they were and how brutal the transition was.
My daughter told me that she couldn't understand what they were talking about and how ridiculously dramatic they were.
I tried to explain that these years were different for other people but I don't know if she got it, to be honest.
Clearly her friends had a much tougher Covid than she did for whatever reason.
Some kids dealt with the isolation well, others fell apart.
I know my daughter missed hockey badly during this tine when even training stopped and that probably was her low point.

I am going to have another conversation with her about it as she has a bit of an empathy gap at tines as she is on the spectrum and tends to compartmentalise things a bit by not allowing stuff to ruffle her.

She is now in her final year of secondary in a very academic school and there are a lot of girls struggling (all girls school). Anxiety, eating issues and general stress going on. I think it is still all part of it. They have a 100% expectation to go on to a top university and the pressure they put on themselves is enormous.
I will be delighted to be over this year.

My heart genuinely goes out to the many parents that have seen their children's education be derailed at both secondary and university level.
I know of quite a few and it has destroyed the parents who feel so helpless.

I think it depends on the ages of children during Covid.

My two eldest children were in yr 2 and yr 4 when covid hit. They were largely able to catch up with learning and socialising once restrictions lifted.

My youngest was born in April 2020. He struggled badly with new faces and separation anxiety for a long time.

My third child was 4 years old when Covid hit. He missed his preschool year from March - Sept. 6 months. Started reception normally in September 2020 but then had another lockdown or two from December, plus numerous bubble closures and 2 week isolations for the rest of that reception year. His early years education was massively disrupted. His year 5 class now are still quite behind in their learning across the board for the whole class. Covid clearly had an effect that is still having repercussions now.

DS had just started reception when lockdown happened. It had a dreadful impact on him. As a highly extroverted, sociable child, being removed from his peers with no warning was genuinely traumatic. Added to that some questionable decisions his school made when they returned, and the impact was quite profound. With a lot of work from us and many other very kind (mainly hobby-based) adults in his life, he is now back to being his outgoing, carefree self. But for a time, the impact was heartbreaking.

My older DS, in contrast, had a good lockdown. He chatted to friends online, played football in the garden and studied well online.

I think it's a bit disingenuous of the OP to airily say she doesn't see what the big deal was, when her child was at an age when lockdown was manageable for a lot of young teens. For younger children in their formative years, or children who maybe weren't as settled in groups, or adaptable to different teaching methods, I can easily see how the impact could be catastrophic.

I suspect you are actually just ragebaiting.

If it was smartphones etc then the decline would have been gradual as more and more children engaged in screen time. This was a sudden and notable decline that correlated directly with the pandemic.

Sure, correlation does not equal causation but this is quite clearly related and I suggest you read the research for yourself before projecting your own personal opinion on matters you clearly don't understand.

Bibi12
Your wrong to think our situation wasn't horrendous it was! My children were hugely negatively effected at the time.
We are a single parent family escaping domestic abuse. My mental health was poor, partly due to the abuse we had been through and party due to the stress of prolonged uncertain involvement from social services etc. Of course there will always be people who are worse off. But dont down play a situation a situation you dont know about! I was also working in a care home for vunrible adults with learning disabilities, we were all terrified! I then had to stop work as I had no one to look after my children. The family member who's home we had moved to, had already temporarily moved out to care for a sick friend who in the end died.
My point was that 5 years later my kids dont have ill effect from it, but if course some of children do. Its not a criticism its just an observation.

Thank you. Mine is just going through a broken heart at uni too 😢. He is a lot better but I do worry he could slip back into a depression. He did talk about accessing some counselling after his break up but he seems to be self managing well. He had a happy childhood and proper lockdown schooling due to being at an independent school, but it was probably all quite scary for them.

My other son had no issues and seemed to enjoy it.

I think a lot can depend on the individual child’s confidence or resilience. Plus, I think a lot depends on whether they were in classes with existing friends. My daughter was put in a tutor group with only 1 other child from her primary school class. Making friends while wearing masks and socially distancing was always going to be difficult. Plus, she couldn’t get to know children with common interests in other form groups because all clubs stopped for 2 years.

I’m glad your daughter got through it relatively unscathed. In a way it was a good thing that it became so acutely problematic so quickly for my daughter - it forced us into taking steps to move her which we may not have done if there had been pre-covid, low-level disruption, bullying and social ostracising.

I think it varied re the age of the child, the school and the home circumstances.
Some families were living in flats with no gardens, parks closed with playgrounds locked, and having to be quiet at home, as mummy or daddy or both were Working from Home.
It wasn't just schools; all clubs such as Brownies, Cubs, football clubs, ballet, and swimming lessons closed. As well as play dates or other social interaction.
And schools did NOT open and all back to normal. The kids had to sit far apart, play separately, and lo behold if someone in their class got covid, then the rest of the class had to isolate at home for 10 days. Ie no school again for them.
Then, when finally things were back open in Jan 2021, schools closed again the following day.
Some schools were very good at providing work, on-line interaction, but it is clear from many posters on mumsnet that some schools did very little at all.
One poster on mumsnet (a single mother) stated how she had to home school and or entertain her young child, while also working from home. She ended up working late into the night and up again at 5.00 am to carry on.
I can't remember the post, but it made me wonder how I would cope in that situation.
This kind of countrywide lockdown has never been attempted before and no one knows the long term effects on children.

have you ever listened to the programme?