Adult ADHD - ruining my life

[WhyWouldYouNotWatchASquirrel]

Just typed out a long post listing all my issues but then I pressed a wrong button and lost it all. Now I just want to cry because I desperately need help but I don't want to type it all out again.

I feel doomed. I just don't know what to do anymore..I'm so lucky and privileged in so many ways but I'm wasting it all because I can't get myself to do the things I need to do. Really simple things. I have an infection that won't clear but I won't call the specialist even though my GP has asked me to. I haven't seen a dentist in 10 years. I'm chronically dehydrated but won't drink enough water. I'm obese and have high cholesterol but I won't stop binge eating

I am late 40s and have two amazing but very young kids and I feel more and more I can't cope with the organisation I require to get stuff donr for them. I keep forgetting stuff. I know I need to be fit for them but I can't even do it for them

I work full time in a very technical role that ik barely coping with. I spend most days browsing my phone while quietly panicking about yet again missing a deadline. I spend entire nights trying to catch up with work but increasingly I can't do that anymore. I don't have imposter syndrome. I am an imposter.

I'm medicated. I take 50mg of lisdexamphetamine on working days and it allows me to think coherently but doesn't help with procrastination. I don't want to up the dose. I hate the meds and how they make me feel.

This modern life is full of so much noise, decision making, admin, bad news every day, sat behind desks doing made up jobs, not being part of the community any more.

The closer we can move to how we are meant to live (hunter, gather, outdoors, no tech, creative jobs, living in a community, helping others), the happier we will be. In my opinion! 😀

If your phone is the problem, would it work to set up parental controls on your phone so you couldn't use it in the day? Or that physical blocking device called "the brick" and put the brick in your husband's study or car?

Ah ok. I'm glad to hear that.

I agree, and I think, under those conditions, there would probably be no such thing as ADHD. The people whose brains work that way would have their role.

ADHD here and drowning - so desperate for complete down time as hurtling towards full burnout but spinning so many priority plates in a very neuro- diverse, demanding and busy household, all adults ..
House less chaotic .. yet I try.. I don’t dislike housework - I’m not lazy ..but working as well, I just can’t organise myself and I escape jobs as often as I can in search of a dopamine rush ..usually shopping .. it’s a b*t*d of a disability, that is relentless in its pursuit of destroying us to breaking point ..
Hugs to all in the open all hours adhd club xxxx

You mentioned the phone being an issue - have you tried using a BRICK device? It allows you to block your phone from receiving messages until you unbrick it. It worked wonders for our dd for revising. Or get dh to put your phone away at times.

I work in education and we had some recent training that suggested ADHD as we now see it could actually be blue light withdrawal from screen use. It would explain the mass amounts of children now presenting over the last ten years.

They said if a child had 4 hours of screen time over the weekend, when do you think their brains would be regulated to learn again. It shocked me that it would actually take until Wednesday! And that doesn’t take into account if they were then on them Mon and Tues.

For a long while I thought I had ADHD myself. I deleted all apps from my phone and used a blocker and I’m a different person. Before I would be scrolling until 2am, constantly distracted and forgetful etc It’s been transformative for me.

Huge sympathy @WhyWouldYouNotWatchASquirrel !!

The thing that helped me the most was starting yoga. It gave my brain enough to focus on, whilst simultaneously calming and energising me. It’s recommended by the Mental Health team at the hospital and I can really see why. It got me healthier, helped me lose weight and that increased my productivity. The children got used to playing around me whilst I was doing it, and joined in bless them.
I also find I have to have a big declutter of the house very regularly, the adhd mess hurts my brain and worsens all my symptoms…it’s like it freezes me. The less stuff the easier I can keep vaguely on top of it. Till it builds up again.
Things like subscriptions…work on dealing with one a week. You can find contact details for the company online even without subscription details, and if that doesn’t work if necessary cancel with your bank. This will really help unfreeze you. Can you change your private email too? A fresh start.

You could send a simple reply to the people waiting on what’s app saying you aren’t well at the minute…anyone important will reach out, others don’t need to be in your head. Or, simply delete the wretched thing.

Finally, family. I think this might be a big one in making you feel worse. Obviously I don’t know your dynamics, but I would gently say if at all possible reach out. Can you do it in person or by telephone, rather than message? Actual real interaction? But also tell them you haven’t been that well…if someone cares they would want to know. I used to draw back and isolate myself when I wasn’t doing well, now everyone has passed away and I wish I had more time with them and was more honest with them when I could…they wouldn’t have thought me a failure, because they did care.

Whatever loving advice you’d give your children or best friend, give to yourself. You deserve your love. Good luck lovely.,

Are you on HRT? Estrogen has been a game changer for me. Feels like I can think straight, actually pick a task and complete it, then move on! Amazing. Currently working my way through a backlog of the admin I should have done over the last 10 years and all the boxes and piles of papers and random crap I have accumulated.

This is absolutely on the money.

I'm guessing you are neuro typical. It's very hard to understand what the ADHD symptoms are like as the OP describes if you havn't experienced it. I have the same problems none of my neurotypical friends do. Sure they get overwhelmed and procrastinate and fall into lows. But what the OP describes is one whole other scale.