Is it wrong of me to make her leave him?

[witsend32]

I’ve recently found out a very close friend is planning on having a baby with her husband. They’ve been married 4 months, dated 11 months before that (so VERY quick progression). My only concern is that he seems very toxic and reminds me too much of my own mistake. For example, these are some of the things he has done/says:

1. She can’t go on girls only holidays anymore because he says he would rather be there with her
2. He threw a massive fit when she cut her hair because he prefers girls with long hair
3. Whenever any of us call her, if he’s at home she won’t pick up. On the rare occasions she does, you can hear him in the background saying things like “who are you on the phone with?”
4. She told me that she doesn’t go to the gym anymore because he says other guys will stare at her. She’s put on weight because of this and he makes fun of her saying she’s “a big girl now” and should stop eating so much.

I feel like this is textbook psycho abusive behaviour and her having a baby with him will just ruin her life. I don’t know how to approach it with her though as she always gets defensive saying he’s just overprotective etc.

I love her to pieces and they do seem happy from afar I’m just worried his behaviour isn’t right. Am I overreaching from my own experience or do you think I should speak to her?

Obviously this is red flags galore, but you can't make her do anything. Best you can do is flag your very valid concerns and accept it may risk your losing your friendship with her.

By all means share your concerns in a diplomatic way (but accept thee is a chance she will end her friendship with you)

But how do you propose to "make her leave him"?

I don't think you can "make" her leave him

How would you “make her leave him?”

How can you stop her having a baby with her own husband?

You can’t make her do anything. All you can do is be there for her.

He does sound awful but you can’t make her leave.

You sound as controlling as him. No one could have made me leave anyone.

Lol at 'make her leave him'.

So you want to control her as much as him sire dress it up as 'i am not controlling i am caring' then see the irony

Sue we all know ahe will do what millions of others do she is a walking cliche but you can't fix this, talk to her sure but she will probably go down the 'you dont understand you're just jealous he loves me' same as every other one but controlling her is wrong

by making her leave him, I simply meant I could stage an intervention… obviously I know it’s her choice and she’ll do what she wants. I’m just worried that if I don’t speak up properly she might resent me later for not doing more … or I wasn’t sure to just leave it and just be there for her.

The latter for now.

He’s already trying to isolate her (no girly holidays, not picking up the phone when he’s there etc…), don’t make it any easier for him by creating a rift, so that she has no choice but to walk away from your friendship. Just wait and be there for when she’s ready to talk about it.