How can I get over this crush?

[Lowns]

I’m happily engaged to someone I consider the perfect man. He’s handsome and charming plus everything else. I have no idea why but I have developed the most intense crush on someone I work with. He’s not as good looking as my partner but is extremely good natured and popular. He’s very much considered a gentleman and hilarious. We’ve spoken a few times (very briefly) and I think there was a spark. But I’m genuinely not interested in even coming close to trying anything). I’m not a natural flirt so don’t crave that. We don’t work that closely but my heart skips a beat when I see he’s on a call, I walk past him in the office etc. I’m 31. Feels like a teenage crush. It’s horrible to be honest. How can I get over this??? I’ve stalked him online which has only made the crush worse. I’ve told myself I will just totally ignore him. No searching for him etc.

Speak for yourself. You may have ALWAYS wanted to have sex with your crushes, I haven't....whether OP does or not, only she knows.

If you aren’t prepared to tell your fiance then that’s an indication that you know he wouldn’t be happy about it.

How would you feel if he felt the same about someone?

Typical MN know-all.

Next indeed.🙄

Don't be crazy! 😆

No, lots of threads on here have women finding out their husbands are having emotional affairs with their co-workers, and the answer then is to chuck them out.

If it was just a crush, then there's be nothing to find out about.

Pretty much everyone ends up having a bit of a crush on someone else when in a relationship at some point in their lives. Its perfectly easy to just acknowledge it for what it is, enjoy the feeling, and then do absolutely nothing about it whatsoever. OP isn't going to cheat just because she fancies someone else.

OP is so desperate to shag this guy she's written to strangers asking them how to stop wanting to shag this guy.

It's normal to be sexually attracted to lots of different people in your lifetime.

But.

She's admitted she's stalking him on social media - her own words - her heart skips a beat - her own words - and that it is intense - again quoting the OP. She says it's feels horrible and like she's a teenager.

She's done nothing to admit to her fiance as yet, it's all in her own head by the sound of things.

But the point I have made correctly is that this level of sexual infatuation might not go away quickly.

If she truly doesn't want to cheat, she'd be better moving jobs. There is always one simply solution to tempation, and that's not to put yourself in its path.

There's another simple solution to temptation. Ignoring it until it goes away.

You're assuming OP is weak-willed just because she's posted a thread asking for advice. That doesn't mean she's going to give in the moment this bloke smiles at her.

Upending your entire life just because you've got a bit of a crush is an absolutely massive overreaction to something that you can just ignore.

I don't understand why you keep negating what other posters have described of their own crushes.

We all experience crushes differently and many times, it's just a bit of escapism. Nothing more than a brief silly daydream with no thoughts of cheating, sex or leaving one's partner and often just linked to times when we are unduly stressed or bored and in a rut.

It can be, but often times isn't that deep.

No, OP has admitted she is struggling in her own words. And no, it's not "a bit of a crush", as she has stated in her own words. It is intense. It is horrible. It is like being a teenager, she stalks him online.

Changing jobs is not nearly as big a deal as losing your future with a man you love or turning into a cheater.

She can try to ignore her extremely strong desire to have sex with this man, of course. But she is trying that and it isn't working which is why she wrote to strangers asking for advice.

If ignoring it as working, she would not have done that.

She can hope that he has no interest in her at all, which is quite possible, so providing nobody else cottons on to her obsessive infatuation all will be fine, even though she will find it hard.

My advice, which is sound and reasoned, is to move jobs if it is causing her the distress she has stated it is causing her.

So OP I have to go and do other things now, but as stated correctly you may find you continue wanting to have sex with this man for a long time.

It would be better to move jobs, that's my advice, it is sound advice, it is not controversial, it is not over reacting, it is not actually anything but practical advice which is what you asked for and are not receiving anywhere else on the thread.

Obviously, I won't check back to see if anyone in lala land is still pretending you don't want to have sex with him 😅

Good luck. And goodbye weird women who want to pretend something obvious is not obvious for who knows what reason 😅

Exactly.
The majority of adults who are in control of their faculties have something called morals, they are only ruled by their crushes if they have no respect for themselves or the people they declare they are in love with.

Crushes are harmless, obviously if they turn into an obsession where you are thinking more about them than the people in your life that are important, that can be unhealthy....it still doesn't mean you always want to have sex with them though.

If I had had sex with all my crushes I would be worn out.😳

OP
Crushes are normal. Even if it is intense..... if you dont act on crushes they pass (or they dilute).

Im married. Man in my office appears very charming and lovely on the face of it. I had a crush on him- as did lots of others im sure. Once I realised that his way of relating to
women was effectiveky being flirtatious/ charming/manipulating them i got the complete ick and it was easier to pop some boundaries up. Stopping any 1to 1 talk about anything other than work etc.

Ive stepped back and hes defo snagging someone in the office, and im sure is working on another one plus he has a wife at home. Im absolutely grossed out by this guy now.

Im still married and actually it made me re evaluate my life and relationship.

A crush is just a lack of information (and a distraction from the humdrum of work).

Its also an exercise in not acting on everything you think. Its just a thoight after all isnt it.

To those who are berating the OP for having a crush and questioning their reasons for posting. Im sure OP has some feelings of guilt about the crush and is questing themself. It would be great if we could all have the blinkers for the rest of our lives when we are in a relationship but we are human.

OP just dont act on it and it will pass in weeks or months x x x

Ps I think lots of thoughts on the daily rhat I dont act on (handing my notice in, telling someone to f off etc) . Crush is effectively the same thing isnt it

It's worth thinking about what you actually want from this man. PP above says it must be sex and only sex, but really it could be any number of things:

• attention

• validation, proof that you're attractive

• re-establishing you as a single and eligible person, a status you're about to give up

• the kudos of being chosen by a high-status colleague at work

• the sheer challenge of scoring with a difficult target

• variety, is he different from your fiance?

• curiosity, what makes this guy tick?

• Self sabotage: is something in you trying to torpedo your current relationship, out of fear of the future?

Ask yourself these things in light of finding out more about yourself, not about him. He's just a giant clue to what's going on inside your head.