To stop bending myself out of shape for others?

[BentOuttaShape]

I’ve just realised that I’ve bent myself out of shape to “fit in”.

I moved back to the UK about 8 years ago from living and working overseas for a long time. I moved to an area that is quite posh and affluent. My DC went to a private junior school where we live.

I’m not from around this area. So, I was a WC woman, returning and not knowing a soul. I have been on the receiving end of a lot of “ I didn’t like you when I first met you, but you are actually really nice”, and I bent myself out of shape to fit in so my DC didn’t suffer.

My DC are now older, so there’s no need for me to worry about that. However I still find myself people pleasing and dressing/ acting differently to rub along with the people in my town.

I’d love to move, but we’ve set up roots and a home for our DC. I can’t stand the people round here though. They are entitled snobs.

I realised last night that I’m unhappy and lost myself trying to fit in and even people please to the detriment of my own mental health.

So, AIBU to think fuck it, I’m just dressing/ being myself from now on, like it or lump it.

But more importantly, how do I undo 8 years of this?

Perhaps you could move to an area that is not posh/affluent.

You say you have been on the receiving end of a lot of 'I didn't like you when I first met you', did you ask them why? When multi people are telling you the same thing - sounds like you got it quite wrong.

You're not going to like this but maybe they could sense you were a fake (which you readily admit to) and trying too hard. Drop the uniform and wear your own clothes, be your true authentic self and thrive. You should have done that at the start.

Just relax and be yourself. Whats the worst that will happen? Possibly someone won't like you. So what. You can't please everyone, might as well please yourself. 💐

You’ve bought into this place and you and dc made some friends there. The whole town can’t be entitled snobs. But if you don’t fit in and you know where you would, look into moving there. It’d probably be cheaper if not necessarily nicer. Your dc could come be seen as entitled snobs themselves by wc state school kids. It’s tricky and why I prefer living in a city with a mix of people rather than a monoculture. But even within the monocultures there can be decent people. As PP said, if you’d been yourself from the start, they might’ve been okay with that and it’s the bending out of shape/inauthenticity that’s the issue all round.

Why are u sending your kid private if you have such disdain for the people? Plenty if state schools around

Be yourself, don't care and I am sure you will find some nice new friends.
I meet nice people in yoga class.