To think people are avoiding serious conversations and calling it self-care?

[WryJadeWren]

It feels like more and more people are using “screen time” or “protecting their peace” as an excuse to disengage from hard conversations. I’m all for boundaries but not everything uncomfortable is “toxic.” Sometimes growth requires discomfort and not everyone who wants to talk to you is draining your energy. Is this self-protection or just avoidance?

What kinds of ‘serious conversations’ do you think people are avoiding?

Agree pretty much, but there is nuance obviously. Like the MN trademark 'never answering the door' because 'how dare they!' and people who will never answer the 'phone.

Goodness you have started a lot of threads about your “thinking”

To think that a minimalist home means the person has minimal emotional baggage and unresolved issues, so they don’t need lots of stuff with emotional attachments?

To think more people should be intentional about who they have children with

to think most people settle in to their relationships

and now this

You doing anything else aside from all this “thinking”?

I was thinking more about situations where people avoid difficult but necessary conversations - things like resolving a conflict with a friend or partner, addressing an issue at work or talking through a misunderstanding. Sometime it feels like people label those conversations as “draining” or “bad for their peace” rather than dealing with them, even when they’re important for maintaining relationships or moving forward.

What people?

Who are you, the posting police?

Ironic question from the thought police 😂

Some people like to hear the sound of their own voice and love persuading others into their way of thinking. I avoid these people, not because I can’t cope with the conversation, I just can’t be bothered unless it’s something I really relate with.

Ugh it is so not on to AS every poster. You never used to see people doing this at all, and it’s everywhere now.

OP can start as many threads as she likes. If you’re having a go at people for starting threads then maybe mumsnet isn’t for you. It’s kind of the whole premise.

Look up my posting history, it’s riveting.

OP, could you give us some examples please? I feel absolutely clueless about the context you are describing.

Maybe I'm just boring and have no serious conversations outstanding!

I posted a lot of threads when i was off work after an op.
I did name change to stop AS twerps from calling me out on it but it's daft for people to have to constantly name change

I agree with you op.
I think there can be real growth and connection in working harder at relationships

I regret the ease with which I used to just cut people out and look back and think it's actually an unhealthy behaviour

But often it’s only one person who wants the conflict “resolved” and by that they mean talk until they wear the other person down to agree with them!

I think I’m having pretty much the same number of difficult conversations as I ever had. I mean, issues at work don’t care how they’re interfering with my self-care and neither does my friend in a psych unit. I’d be sitting under her window on a bench talking on the phone to her regardless of whether it was too draining. Which it is,

I wouldn't call it self-care, but I'm in my sixties and sometimes get fed up with all the navel-gazing and incessant need by some people to discuss every aspect of everything.

I really can't be bothered. I have cut a few people out of my life for behaving in a certain way, I just thought I can't be doing with them any more, had no desire to discuss my relationship with them and stopped seeing them. That to me was a much better solution than discussing it endlessly and probably coming to the same conclusion that I no longer wanted to have anything to do with them.

Sometimes discussing things still doesn't lead to a solution or a change of opinion, so I think it can be easier just to draw a line and say let's agree to disagree, rather than both parties going on and on. The discussions themselves can be upsetting so I think if people want to avoid them that's perfectly fine.

Deep thinking and personal growth are massively overrated. We all end up in the ground one way or another. Do what makes your time on the planet more bearable.

Very, very, very few people change. Maturity is learning this fundamental fact of life and walking away from personal or business relationships that don’t serve you instead of wasting time and energy trying to change them.

Life’s too short NOT to protect your peace.

Which people and where? I’ve never seen this at all.

I agree with this. My DM tells people I refuse to try and resolve our fallout. However, I tried for 30 years to have a good relationship with my mum. But she’s an awful person and I reached a point where I don’t want her in my life anymore.

I have the discussion when there’s at least the possibility of a resolution/change. A lot of the time there isn’t, so I just can’t be arsed. I’m not wasting time and energy to have a pointless discussion or getting annoyed that it isn’t going anywhere.

Deep thinkers only want to hear themselves and don’t stop until the other person agrees out of exhaustion.
Life’s too short.

46 yo here.
Brilliant post.