Am I Going Mad?

[MightBeGoingMad]

Before I go mad, I need some perspective/opinions on my current situation please. I don't want to see a therapist so asking the wise beings of Mumsnet instead!

Will keep as brief as possible

• Me and ex been together 20 years, 2 children (now young teenagers)
• We broke up around 15 years ago for a year and in that time I had a brief fling with one of his friends (not a close friend and I know this was not great on my part, however it was a long time ago and we were not together)
• We have now been seperated for 5 years and co parented amicably
• I have reconnected with said friend around 3 years ago, ex has found out and now wants nothing to do with me or his children. He is refusing to have them or speak to me and wants to cut ties completely unless I stop speaking to this other person

Can you please tell me if I have lost the plot and this is a valid reaction or if he needs to grow up and just move on. Imo he is entitled to not be happy about it but to bring the kids into the mix is just ridiculous. His answer is that its my fault he won't see the kids because of what I'm chosing to do which I dont agree with.

I am so torn because I dont want to hurt him but equally I want to live my life and be happy. We havent been together for 5 years so not like its a fresh break up. He thinks its completely disrespectful and I am all the names under the sun.

Any views or advise very welcome at this point because I honestly don't know who's right or wrong anymore. The kids know nothing about any of this, they have just had extra weekends at my house but it will only be a matter of time before they start asking why they havent been to their dads and I dont want them being affected by this because it's not fair. Do I stop talking to this friend for the kids sake? But then I just feel like I'm being controlled which isnt fair or right either.

Sounds very strange to me. Try and have an age appropriate conversation with the DC about their views on your ever moving on and finding another person. If your ex and your children don’t have to see this person I don’t understand why any of them would grudge you having somebody.

Any father that drops his children this easily is not a man I would be remotely bothered about ever having a relationship with my children again.

This kind of behaviour can’t possibly have just come out of the blue. Someone like this will hav been unpleasant and difficult multiple times in the past.

when you say young teens… how old?

He should decouple his relationship with his children from his relationship with their mother. You've been separated a long time and the fact he's unable to do this suggests either that he's controlling an abusive or very stupid. Or all of the above.

It sounds quite messy and dysfunctional and clearly he's a bit triggered by it but the bottom line is any man who uses his children as a pawn in a disagreement with their mother is not a good father.

If he refuses to see them it will ultimately be his loss. It will be painful for the children but it will make him look like the villain in the long run.