Being stalked by ex’s family.

[terribleideas]

I was in a short relationship but it didn’t work out, I was only 18 and we split up shortly after I was pregnant, he wanted nothing to do with the baby now a 4 year old who he’s never met or asked about.

I then met my now partner and father of my youngest who supported me through the pregnancy and has brought the child up as his own, we also have a child together and we are a very happy family.

His mum though has taken a screenshot of every single picture I’ve posted or my family have posted on SM of the child since they were born and shown these pictures to people at her work saying it’s her grandchild one of who recognised our child and knew me and that they were my SM pics and has told me. She even somehow knows their name.
I am so upset by this, we are a family and our children are happy now.
Our child is too young to understand this and just thinks my partner is dad to both of them at the moment, we will tell them when they’re old enough to understand but it won’t change anything and his parents are very loving grandparents.
My profile is set to private and so these pics are my profile and background pictures and my partners and my family.
I’m quite worried to be honest why someone with zero knowledge of my family and after the dad has chosen to have no part in our lives is showing the world pictures of my child as a grandchild who they know nothing about which is threatening to my child’s stability as they are happy and have a loving family which we don’t want blown apart by a stranger who is creepily stalking us.

Yes I can come off SM but I can’t expect my whole family to and I can’t get the pictures back that she’s already saved to her phone.
I don’t want her recognising us out somewhere and our child having some stranger confusing him saying I’m Grandma.

I completely understand why you would upload photos of your children to SM, as you’re proud of them, but honestly this is the risk you have to take when you do so.

As you’ve said, there’s nothing you can do about her having the screenshots now. It is odd that she’s going around showing people though. Did she offer any support at the time, or was she as useless as your ex?

No nothing I haven’t seen or heard from any of them since the relationship with him ended early on in the pregnancy so I hardly even knew her.

How is she able to access your social media in the first place?

I get its nice to share pics but If this is your position /circumstance you really need to come off social and you need to tell your family to remove old pictures and not to post new pictures.

I do also think your settings arent as tight as you think.

I would feel the same as you and would feel physically unwell at the prospect of someone approaching my child and telling her information she can't process.

I really think your only solution here is just delete your social media or least background pictures. No it doesn’t stop her already having pictures but it does stop any more getting viewed. People don’t have to live their lives through social media and in hindsight this would not have happened without social media. Every single aspect of our kids lives doesn’t have to be put on facebook or instagram.

By the way, my profile is completely locked down and doesn’t even show up on searches so it sounds like yours isn’t as private as you thought. Check your settings.

Is it possible a friend you have on Facebook has screenshot and sent these photos on . If not your social media isn't as private as you think .

It sounds like they're annoyed you've moved on to a happy life. If it's just pictures of your DS in you and your and your families' profiles then I think you need to stop posting pictures of him on your profiles.

Make sure your privacy settings are locked down and only share pictures in albums not on your profile pic. Just blocking ex's mum doesn't work because she can set up a fake profile and see your pictures.

You can use WhatsApp to post profile pics, it has a function that means only approved people can see your profile pic.

She could be hurt by her son’s choice to not have been involved or is just attention seeking bragging about having a grandchild even though she doesn’t actually know him.

Whatever her reason, if you don’t want her or her family involved ever it’s best to keep your life completely private - no sharing online. Otherwise you might just get an unwanted knock at your door one day!

A similar thing happened to me but it was estranged family members doing it. One of my “friends” was passing the photos onto them from my social media. The thing is you can’t trust people unless they are incredibly close to you. Anyone could be passing them on.

I came off all social media but It didn’t stop for me because it turned out one of the parents in my child’s class was friends with my estranged relatives and was taking photos of my children at the school at events and passing them on and also was passing on the class photos. In this modern world it is impossible to stop people accessing your children’s photos - if you don’t put them on social media, someone else will.

If the dad has zero contact then if you can you should move away. It’s the only way to have some control over this situation. I wish we were in a position to do that.

I’ll have to use a more generic pic, maybe a nature scene.
I have posts set to friends only but profile pic and background can be seen.

I feel a bit sorry for her. Because her son has behaved badly she's lost out on a relationship with her grandchild. It's quite natural she'd want to see some photos. Taking screen shots of photos you've put into the public domain is hardly stalking you.

I don’t think it counts as creepy stalking to see open and available photos on your social media. Anything you post online that others can see is fair game for people to look at - lots of people are nosey and since your son is her biological grandchild, I can completely see why she’s looking. She should be more considerate about who she shows pictures to - but really I think you need to adjust what pictures are publicly available. You don’t have to come off social media - just lock down the profile pics / background ones too, and/or remove any in there with your child.

She could have contacted the OP. She could have asked if she could help in any way. She could have made it clear she would support her and would love to help/love her grandchild. There's an awful lot this woman could have done besides taking photos from SM and showing them to people.

A short answer to OP though is just don't post anything to SM.

I'm quite worried to be honest why someone with zero knowledge of my family and after the dad has chosen to have no part in our lives is showing the world pictures of my child as a grandchild who they know nothing about which is threatening to my child’s stability as they are happy and have a loving family which we don’t want blown apart by a stranger who is creepily stalking us.

It's not stalking. You put up pics on SM that are accessible to her. She is the biological grandmother. Lock down your SM.

Not telling your oldest about his bio dad very early is going to come back and bite you. If he grows up with that knowledge that your partner is not his biodad, that's simply a fact. It won't affect his relationship with your partner. Hiding this will affect that relationship if you wait very much longer to tell him. It also leaves him open to being told by someone else and that will have even heavier fallout.

I think PPs have reiterated the fact you need to check your settings but a few mentioned it may be someone in your circle of friends who’s sending these photos on.

I would post any future images of your children on „close friends only“ access - a list you get to choose and make this watertight. Family only. The rest of your social media can get a text of your adventures and a standard photo of the activities or location to without their images or blurt their faces.

My ex stalked me on SM through someone I thought was a friend. HTH

This is silly.

If they’re only screenshotting your profile picture then stop putting photos of your child on it.

You shouldn’t be having your child on your profile picture anyway as any peado can screenshot it.

If you think it’s a friend then try and find out which friend has contact with them.

Cover photos and profile pictures are public so don’t use anything that you don’t want randoms to see.

Ask family to make theirs private if they are going to share photos of your children.

She isn’t stalking you.

Yeah, this isn't stalking.

Op start thinking about telling your child your partner isn't his bio Dad soon. Don't leave it too late in case he finds out through someone else.

My niece was adopted at 4 years old and had always thought her mothers partner was her father (though she called both by their names not mum & dad). But he wasn't and my sister & BiL only told her at nearly 7 as they 'waited for an opportunity'. They now regret that as it was an even harder shock for her and she also then felt the rejection of her biofather as well as her mother. (though she did rather proudly tell me not long after she found out that she had 3 daddies!).

They now think they should have timed it when reading books and talking about where babies come from and she could have just grown up knowing. Your son can be reassured that Daddy (your partner) is daddy and your ex is who 'made' him (or however you want to describe it). You can prepare for questions of 'why didn't he want to see me', making it clear it wasn't anything child did and not his fault. My niece had it explained the bioDad had lots of problems and couldn't be a good daddy but that was nothing to do with her. Later she had more age appropriate information (i.e. her father had substance abuse issues).

As for the Social Media, just keep it all locked down and make sure friends and family know not to share any information about your son with his grandmother. But don't worry too much if you do see her. If your son knows the truth about his background he'll be fine. My niece used to see her mother in town as it was a small place. In fact as she got older her mother was in the phone book and she knew she could ring her any time, but because it was all out in the open and not a secret, she never chose to.

There is no time “that they are old enough to understand”… this is something that they should grow up knowing and as they age they get told more details.
At this age, they should already know at least some basic facts.

Delete social media for a start. Nobody needs to update others on their life and their children's life's. It's so immature.

Tell your son who his real father is.

Tell your son now. The older he gets the more of a shock it will be. He is old enough to understand the basic facts right now. It sounds like you want to avoid him knowing but it really is in his best interest to know asap.