AIBU to resign from teaching and rely more on DH financially?

[Iwantaglassofwine]

This is the first time I have made a thread but I feel uncertain and don't want to tell my friends everything IRL.

I am changing a lot in my life right now and wondering if I am being unfair to my DH. It really started a couple of months ago. I have been struggling with my head (I am a teacher) who is a bully for a while but it started to get very uncomfortable. At the same time my husband had a meeting with his boss about his performance saying that he needs to improve. We have a toddler who when she is ill DH usually has to try and juggle because it is so hard with teaching and the head never allows time off for children's illness. Anyway we decided that we could probably cope with a bit less income and I resigned with the plan of being a supply teacher and getting a part time role in September. Preferably 3 days a week, so that I can do more house stuff/ life admin/ childcare/ etc.

Now I am pregnant so will need time away from work but I won't get mat leave. We hopefully will have our mortgage paid off before I need leave but obviously it puts more of the finance on DH. We always said that he wouldn't be left as sole breadwinner as we didn't want that set up but his wage is good and especially if the mortgage is paid off then it should be fine.

I resigned to help all of us as there was just too much pressure but was I unfair?

Has your DH actually said he thinks it’s unfair, or are you just ruminating?

Just ruminating really. He is delighted that we are having a second and is glad I will be able to cover more childcare if DD is ill.

How safe is your DH job if he is being told he needs to improve? That would be a concern for me.

If you can manage financially that’s great. You can go back on supply when you’re ready. A change of HT is often all that is needed to make you love your career again!

Very secure. He is getting glowing conversations again now he isn't juggling so much. He had a really shit year with loads going on and it impacted job performance. It was only a review not an improvement plan or anything.

I wouldn't be massively comfortable if this was a permanent situation either on your or his side. But as a temporary solution seems fine.

What do you teach? Could you pick up some tutoring? Lots of ex teachers are doing that now and making a living off it or certainly enough to make some money on the side.

I left teaching in a school just before the first lockdown.
I’d already started to build up a home tutoring business.
Best thing I ever did. I don’t miss teaching in a school at all..it had changed so much from when I started in the early 90s.
My income now is much smaller but I’m so much happier. We are lucky that DH earns well.
It’s a traditional set up but it works for us.
Good luck OP and congrats on your pregnancy.

This is not a question for anyone but you and your husband. You have teaching skills that you can put to use when the time is ready and that can work around your family.

I was a SAHM for a few years and gradually returned to paid employment as the dc grew up, increasing my hours over the years, back to full time when they were young teens.

All the best.

Also make sure you qualify for Maternity Allowance instead. Should be fine if you are still working now? There is a qualifying period of paying national insurance and you can do it even as a self employed tutor I think.

Sounds immensely risky to me to give up your job if your DH has had a negative performance review type discussion. I know you say it’s going better now, but people often misread these things and don’t take the hints. And if the business has any financial problems, is bought out, his boss changes, etc, he could be the first pushed out of there have been issues in the past.

But I always come at these discussions on the basis that a family relying on only one job is massively risky, and putting all the pressure on one person to keep the family afloat financially is massively unfair.

I wouldn't purely because it puts you in an awful position if anything happens to your relationship. I wouldn't want to be so trapped.

Do you have very solid critical illness cover and life insurance?

You both agree so why is it unreasonable. As for not telling others. It’s no one else’s business

To reply to a few things. My husbands company is absolutely solid. And we have good life insurance etc.

Thank you for the maternity allowance information. I hadn't heard of this and it massively relieved me to hear there is something.

I am also considering extra training to go back at a higher level so part time would pay roughly the same or more. As a special educational needs co-ordinator.

Don’t put up with the head bullying you. Nothing is worth that. Take the time off and enjoy your new baby, enjoy being mortgage free and make the most of it.