How to support through Peri

[Itsjustlife]

My wife is going through perimenopause and I’m finding it really hard to know how to support her properly. I’ve been reading a lot about it and I understand that the emotional swings, anger and overwhelm can be part of it and often completely outside of her control. I genuinely want to be supportive and make things easier for her.

I try to do as much as I can around the house – cooking, cleaning, keeping things running smoothly – but sometimes even the smallest thing out of place can trigger a lot of anger or frustration towards me. When it happens, it can feel really intense.

I know she’s struggling and I don’t blame her for what she’s going through, but I’m finding it difficult not to take things personally in the moment. If I’m honest, there are times I feel anxious about going home because I don’t know what kind of evening it will be.

I love my wife and want to support her through this, but I’m also feeling a bit lost and emotionally worn down. For anyone who has been through this with a partner – how did you cope? How do you stay supportive without absorbing all of the anger or feeling like you’re walking on eggshells?

Any advice from people who’ve experienced this would really mean a lot.

Are you 100% sure this is due to peri and not just an intolerance of you? These can also
be signs that the relationship isn’t going too well for her.

Your best bet is to talk to her rather than than
strangers on the internet. We can’t really answer. If it is just due to peri then only she can tell you how to support her through what is admittedly a fucking awful Phase of life. If its Something else you may need
to be prepared to hear something you don’t like. You might need to prepare for that anyway as perimenopause tends to remove
our rose tinted goggles when it comes to our partners

You might not find it much better here as you'll probably get loads of grief and sarcastic answers for even daring to ask 😂

All I can say is, it's not you (unless it is). My experience is that I dont even feel like myself these days. I dont know where the anger and frustration comes from. I love my partner very much but can't help lashing out and then hate myself for it. He deals with it well by not reacting and being supportive but sometimes even that annoys me!

Midlife women rightly get a fair amount of support but I do sometimes feel sorry for the men that have to live with us.

Have been through similar. Now full menopause with exacerbation of ADHD symptoms alongside.

Sounds like you are doing fairly well so far. I get it though. It can be really tough (for both of you). Make sure you continue to support by doing your bit around the house etc and generally be sensitive to her feelings/emotions. One thing that really helped me though is to have established ringfenced times through the week where you are free to get out of the house, meet friends. practice sports etc. It was so valuable to me to have the regular escapes to look forward to and it made me feel re-energized to deal with things back at the house.

Talk to your wife instead of other women on here. Perimenopause affects all women differently and your wife is her own person, so what someone suggests here won’t necessarily be helpful.

I would be quite annoyed if my partner wrote about me online instead of talking to me to see what I needed.

It sounds like there are huge problems in your relationship though and it’s unlikely to all be about perimenopause. Lots of women stop compensating and making excuses for poor partners in perimenopause. Perimenopause doesn’t ruin good relationships but can shine a spotlight on the bad ones.

You shouldn’t have to ‘walk on eggshells’, absorb any anger, or be anxious about the atmosphere in your own home. That actually sounds a bit abusive and perimenopause is not a get out clause for making a partner unhappy. We can all be dicks sometimes coz we’re in a mood/stressed/hormonal/sad but it’s not okay as way of life.