Good Morning,
I am looking some advice from anyone who has been through the same sort of thing. He is now 18.
My sons father is emotionally abusive (he was physically abusive to me). I left him when my son was 4. My son saw him sporadically throughout childhood, he was good with him when he was little but as he got older (15) he started his emotional abuse with him. Fast forward to 16, after a massive blow up with his dad on holiday with him where I had to pay to fly him home mid holiday (his dad wouldn't take him to the airport so he had to get a cab on his own and I flew out and met him at the airport and flew back with him) he decided to go fully no contact.
He has since had multiple therapy sessions, he took some sertraline for 6 months after the last blow up as his dad really gave him some PTSD threatening to kill himself in front of my son etc while they were on holiday. He is doing a therapy based subject at school so his teacher has also been guiding him through things which has been wonderful. Anyway, he has completely sorted his head out over the last two years, on track for uni, sorted his sleep pattern out etc.
We moved house last year just as a general house move, not escaping anything but he wasn't comfortable his dad knowing where he lived so he didn't tell him.
This week he was out with his friends when his dad accosted him in the street (we live in the same town, always have). His dad cried in front of him telling him he had been walking round nightly trying to find him and speak with him. Full tears. My son blew up at him and told him what he had been through this year and his dad replied he was sorry he hadn't been there for him but my son has misconstrued what had happened while they were away. My sons had enough therapy that he stood his ground and said no I am aware of what happened. They left it as my son walked away and his dad said I hope we can speak again soon, I am in my 50's I might not have long left....
My son came in the house in tears from adrenaline and shock. Said he had said his piece but was worried his dad looked actually sorry and now felt guilty.
I and his teacher have spoken to him, but he's now saying he thinks he should go and have it all out with him and say a final fuck you basically.
However the last four days, he hasn't slept, is overthinking and getting snappy and feeling like his anger issues are coming back.
Please don't tell me to leave him to it as he's 18, I am not going to do that after all the work I have helped him do to get to where he is now.
Is there a way I can ask the police to get his father to leave him alone? My son is asking me to step in as he doesn't have a clue on what to do. Neither do I as he is now classed as an adult.
His dad is not sorry- I need everyone to trust me on this from conversations I have personally had with him. What's happening now is my son has hit 18, his dad has spent years and years being a manipulative prick telling everyone I alienate his son missing out the main parts where he has alienated himself from him by his behaviour and now he's 18 and still not speaking to him he is doing complete damage control for his own image as he has told everyone when he's 18 he will be free to speak to everyone (he has never not been free to- he has a relationship with aunts/ uncle and cousins).
My son still speaks to his aunt/ uncle and his dad text him on his 18th birthday saying his aunt gave him his number after my son explicitly asked her never to pass it on so she has now broken her relationship with him.
I am at my wits end he won't just leave my son alone or take accountabilty for anything he's done.
Dad has been offered to go to therapy with my son in the past paid for by me and refused as he doesn't believe in mental health issues caused by other people. Sons grandfather was also domestically violent.
It's a mess but I want my son to stay on the progress path he is now and he's come to me for help and I don't know what I can do.
Thank you.