AIBU to save less and spend more enjoying life now?

[windywhale]

I do all the sensible things; pay extra into my pension, save additional money to bridge the gap between retirement & pension. Save for my dcs uni costs/deposits.

However with the current economic strife my money just isn’t going as far & I can’t afford as nice holidays, days out, renovations etc.

Sometimes I think fuck it, I should just save less but then i’m very conscious that uni costs keep going up & up, the state pension may not exist when I’m older, it’s likely I will need private healthcare etc.

Obviously I’m lucky I have money left over to save but I thought once I got over the childcare years I would have more money in my pocket & be able to enjoy my hard work more.

I feel like even with savings life is getting more & more expensive so perhaps I should enjoy it more now

Basically OP, it’s a personal decision.

You sound like your instinct is living well below your means now and preparing for the future. If stopping doing this would make you feel guilty then why bother, there’s no point whatsoever.

Just because some strangers on the internet (including me) say that their own personal preference is to spend more in the here and now, that’s not going to change how you feel.

There has to be some sort of balance. We favoured a "live for today" approach, with a bit of common sense thrown in and thank god we did. My OH got sick and died before he had a chance to enjoy any retirement - the bit he had was with me looking after him. He had moved to part time working from age 42 - it seemed mad to many but proved to be the right decision.

Life is all about risk and trying to protect from every risk means that you can fail to live the moment and miss so much.

You need to find your balance. Don’t save all now. Dont spend all now. But put in place a budget for fun - and use it for that. Don’t assume that university will occur - and maybe encourage apprenticeships?

Only one of my parents got anywhere near retirement age, and most of my family die around 70-74, so I’m now more interested in living life than saving for the future.

Have fun now. We don't know what will happen. But be really selective, and save as well. Only do the things that really matter to you and stop doing the things that don't.

What are the top three places you want to see before you die? Do those holidays. Skip the 'I fancy a break at any old beach/European city' holidays that suck money but don't really make a difference.

I don't care if I never have a takeaway again in my life. Or eat in an ordinary restaurant. I love a good restaurant with family or friends for celebrations but a pizza before the cinema, costing £50 or more just for a bit of cheese and tomato on bread and a glass of wine for two people? Forget it. I'd rather save that waste money on indifferent nights out.

It's also worth exploring how much fun you can have for free or low cost. DH and I go to gigs of upcoming bands. Even in London some of these are only £6. Same with new comedians doing try outs. And we go to the album promotion gigs of better known artists. About £15-30 for a short, often acoustic set, instead of the crazy costs of stadium shows.

Pay off the mortgage whether that’s putting money into the pension in order to take the 25% out tax for you to clear the mortgage with.
Or pay off the literal mortgage, just get rid of that damn thing and then you can look at your options again
I am in theory only 10 months away from being mortgage free at 50 which is a fantastic feeling
Of course I’ll then have renovations to do and repairs and yada, yada yada
But it would be such a relief

This is true, but I think there can be a balance. Don't put off things you desperately want to do. Budget for them, make them happen sooner rather than later. I think a lot of people regret putting off things they want to do until it is too late.

Watch the opening section of the kids cartoon Up. It makes you want to seize the moment.

This is true - your kids may not even go to university. Despite myself and their Dad both having post grad qualifications, neither of ours took the same route. Both are working and thriving. One is now doing a degree level apprenticeship and earning as they study.

I think it doesn’t have to be one extreme or the other, you can find your own middle ground where you feel comfortable. Since taking more control of my finances I’ve become much more aware of what I spend and as a result I only spend on things I really want and will value. So previously I would have thought I needed a new dressing table, saw one I quite liked for £300 and bought it. Now I think to myself, do I love it enough to spend £300 on it? If not, I’ll shop around and see if I can find one I like just as much for £100 and pop the other £200 into my ‘Home’ savings pot for something else or pop it in my ISA.

So I’m not completely stopping spending on things I want, but I am more mindful of what I’m spending.

After watching my spending for a long time, I've just had a couple of years of spending. New kitchen, new bathroom, new car, new hip (through private health), second hip to be done in November, plus some unexpected costs to fix the garage ceiling and a couple of other more expensive maintenance jobs.

With the renovations I'll get to enjoy them for the next 30 years, so they're worth it. Plus the new bathroom has been a blessing post hip replacement. I'll now have the car until I retire, so I'll get my money's worth from that.

I'd say think about the things you would get long term use out of and spend on those. Things like renos and cars are just going to get dearer the longer you wait to do them.

It’s getting the balance right, my son’s ex GF parents didn’t assist her through University at all. DH and I did have students who were not supported financially they were in the minority but they did exist.

DS did us a favour by doing a Degree apprenticeship, no debt and was paid throughout. So zero contribution from us required. @Bikenutz the apprenticeship is brilliant isn’t it, when DS graduated last year he had a permanent job already.

It also depends what you like doing and buying. That’s just very personal.

My lifelong hobbies of hiking, gaming and reading are cheap. They are also DH 3 main hobbies.

Save as much as you can but don’t forget to live. Make sure you are getting best return on your savings. You haven’t put your age, we risked a fair amount investing till we hit 50, it made us a very good nest egg but that’s personality dependant on how risk averse you are.

There is one money thing I do that is not regular in the UK and that’s ask for discounts and haggle. I’m good at it as well. DH is always cringing slightly in the background as did my ex. My 50% Chinese heritage kicks in :).

I’d rather chance dire care and have my children benefit from my money.

Why do you feel guilty for not saving every penny you possibly can OP? Maybe you need to look at that. My mum is the same and it hasn't made for a very fun or enjoyable life IMO. Middle ground is always best I think.

I wish I had splashed out a bit earlier on rather than listening to DH who was over cautious. Perhaps nice holidays in the sun, a more reliable car when the children were younger.
I am now trying to give the cash away to DC's sooner than later to cut the IHT my our children would have to find (DH not happy - he thinks having money wouldn't make them happy plus keeping it for care home fees). I get a secret joy of treating myself to a glass of wine etc if I go out for a day sod the thermos of tea

The dire care scares me & the NHS waiting lists are long now. God knows what social care & the NHS will look like in 20 years time.

Why do you feel guilty for not saving every penny you possibly can OP? Maybe you need to look at that. My mum is the same and it hasn't made for a very fun or enjoyable life IMO

We definitely have a fun & enjoyable life. It’s more that I can’t save as much as I did pre covid without it impacting the enjoyable part as costs have really increased.

Is it really abnormal to worry about not having enough money for the future?

I think it’s a balance, isn’t it. I’m a millennial so I know there won’t be a state pension by the time I retire, so I’m putting as much as I can into paying the mortgage down early and pensions/ investing. I’ve also deliberately stayed in public sector roles to benefit from a DB pension even though it comes at a lower salary level.

That said, I had an awful lot of work done in the house last year and am saving to go to New Zealand next, so I definitely would argue for a balance. My dad died at 54 so I’ve worked hard to find more balance since, even though my natural instinct is more like yours OP.

I am a millennial here to & also in the public sector mainly for the pension.

My parents are both still here in their 70s/80s but they retired much earlier than I will be able to which I assume can make a difference to longevity.

As others have said, you have to find a balance. I would be stressed and miserable if I felt that I might not be able to help my DCs with their uni costs or save for my own retirement, so I am careful with money, but not to the extent of not being able to do anything I enjoy.

The people who say “F it, life is for living now”, often then have the example of an early death in the family. Statistically this still happens far less than people living into old age - we still have an aging population. people are still living longer.

Indeed. For my sins I work with a lot of actuaries. This means I am well aware that - for all the anecdotes of people scrimping for retirement then dropping dead at 50 - the facts are that life expectancy for a UK female aged 45 now is early-mid 80s. More if you're a professional and generally look after yourself. And you'd be considerably more likely to die after 90 than before 60. So unless you have a family history that suggests otherwise, that should be your base assumption. What that means the OP should actually do still depends on all sorts of other considerations though, including whether she'd actually enjoy splurging or would still feel a bit guilty. Impossible for anybody else to say really.

@GreyfriarsJobbies I think that plays into my worries, I am most likely to live into my 80s but probably with some ailments so therefore will likely need more money.

I’ve been nursing 37 years, it doesn’t scare me. I have a DB pension plus full state pension so worse case will manage. I’d rather struggle in my 80’s having lived a full, well travelled and enjoyable life with my children well taken care of than when elderly sit on a pot of money and hand it over to a care giving facility. State care will do. My MIL led a frugal life, and is now not only paying her care fees (fair enough) but half of those of Bob in the room next door for the same care. Happy to be Bob tbh.

I’m a pretty low earner and have always been careful with money but with the state of the world at the moment, my attitude has changed a bit and I’m spending on frivolous stuff sometimes (especially treats for my teenagers - like the occasional day out and shopping trip with a coffee shop visit, nothing extravagant!). If we’re at war in future years or something similarly dreadful happens then I’ll be glad we’ve enjoyed ourselves a bit now. I do have enough saved to help them through university if that’s what they want to do. Not much in the way of pension though - if I survive that long then I’ll either have to carry on working part-time or live in a caravan, unless my parents’ own savings don’t all disappear on care. Feeling very much ‘sod it’ about it though tbh. I also have friends who have died young, suddenly, in recent years which has certainly made me re-evaluate my priorities (spending time with my kids and giving them the happiest life I can).

@DemonsandMosquitoes & you don’t think any of this will change in the next 30 years?

As I said I have already gone down the private route for something as the waiting list in 18 months once seen.

It’s hard to say when you haven’t given any figures but like everyone says, there has to be a balance.

As you and one or two people have said, some of us aren’t going to get to an old age. It’s one of the grim realities of life. The vast majority will but some won’t. World events of the last six years have also made me realise how shirt life is, regardless of the number we get to. Increasingly I think, will I always regret it if I don’t do x? Especially as I’m now 50. It’s a hugely comforting thing having savings but I don’t want to regret what I haven’t done (already have some regrets). I’m going on a bucket list holiday in November, long haul which is costing £2K, saving like crazy to do it, but a house in January and keep some money back as a buffer (on one average income).

I’m not interested in saving for care - half the time people are in the same care homes as state funders.

But there is no greater care for your children than not becoming a burden on them in old age when they are parents of teenagers and in stressful jobs.

OP there needs to be some balance. The one thing I spend on is holidays - while I can still take the DC with me.