About my DDs tutor - year 1

[plsnoroast]

I’ve signed my DD 6 years old up for tutoring with one of those tutoring services where the kids go once a week in a classroom and then get set worksheets based on any gaps.

I did this because the school have said she’s a bit ‘ low average ‘ in some areas ( for the private school’s standards ).

I have done stuff with her at home but wanted more targeted and tailored help so I’ve sought out this service to help me help my DD better.

anywhow, I’m not doing it because she’s so bright that I think she needs pushing, but more that I want her to be at expected level in maths and English.

some of the comments the tutor has made have made me feel like she’s expecting a bit too much for my DD. I’ve cross checked these expectations with some online research and it seems like some of the things DD is doing are normal. For example occasionally sounding out unfamiliar words when reading.

she’s at expected level of reading and always has been. ( she’s on orange books and I think about to move up, in RWI ).

But the tutor said she shouldn’t be sounding out words ever and other 6 year olds don’t do that…

the tutor has identified some gaps, like counting back and forwards to 100. Which we are working on and is already improving. Also she sometimes inverts a couple of numbers. Again, improving.

anyway I know there are 6 year olds breezing through this, so no need for all the ‘ my child was doing algebra comments ‘. We are talking about an average (maybe slightly lower average ) child- sounding out a couple of tricky words. It’s pissed me off and makes me think she doesn’t know what she’s doing and has the wrong expectations.

Prep schools start at Yr3. The 2 very academic ones near us have assessment based entry.

You're overreacting. She's 6.

Here's my advice.
Take her out of this hot house and send her to the local primary where she can be the big fish and not the little one.
One of my DDs went to a private school where she got the sense of being an also-ran. She was not ... she was just average (a fine thing to be) and was in the wrong school .. she is now a European sales manager for an international company and highly thought of.
Your DD needs to be a child and to develop all the other important things that happen at primary age ... confidence, fun, imagination, social skills.
And you need to be freed from this constant worry and have the emotional space to enjoy her and have some fun with her.
I speak as a grandmother who has watched my children and those of my friends grow and there is no doubt that academic skills are not what is needed at this stage . They are only children once. She can never get this precious time back.

To add, anybody can set up as a "tutor." I hope the OP has checked the tutor's qualifications.

Six year olds should definitely be sounding out words - at school and with parents/tutor. Did the school say they are worried? At pre-prep you do seem to have free readers of young ages, I wonder if the tutor told her to sound phonetics out in her head? Which of course is the stage on from doing it aloud.

I, an adult with an English degree, sound out unfamiliar words. I don't come across them that often, but what else would you do with unfamiliar words? The tutor sounds ridiculous. So does the school. Think carefully about whether that's what you want for your DD.

@Thesnailonthewhale
Have you seen the posts where parents are looking for tutors for 3 year olds who are enduring 4+ assessments?

Ugh, how ridiculous it all is!
And we wonder why so many young people these days are anxious, can't cope, are school refusers etc etc.
Just let her be! She's six, she sounds like she is doing perfectly well for her age.

Private schools don't like any child that doesn't fit the "norm" so if you think she does actually have additional needs I would move her to a good state school as soon as you can where she will get some support & not be made to feel like she's a "problem" to be solved.

But having said that, she sounds absolutely fine & just a normal six year old who should be playing after school & having fun not doing extra tuition and boring worksheets!

Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I must stress, I don’t need my DD to be exceptional but just want her to be able to keep up, so she doesn’t fall so far behind that she hates school. At the moment she loves school and learning. She has lots of friends and is very happy.

of course I will absolutely consider sending her to states school - it would eliminate so much financial pressure on us. I don’t know how long it will take to get an assessment for adhd ? We are in the beginning stages where the school may recommend that path, but they haven’t yet.

we decided on private school, because we thought she’d benefit from smaller class sizes and liked the facilities they offered. The school we chose is not known to be that academic or competitive but more of an all round school. But yeah if they’re going to hold her to higher standards, then there’s not really any point.

and for the tutor, I am not keen. She’s always criticising and she does it in front of DD. Quietly and I have told her to keep it positive and yet she’s done it every time. I’ve not seen her praise her ever. It’s always me who’s saying ‘ wow DD you did so well here ‘. She never ever does that.

she also said DD doesn’t know the alphabet. I was like huh ? She was doing an exercise with her where you needed to put a bunch of words in alphabetical order and DD struggled with it. I googled it and again, that’s still a skill they’re learning in year 1. Also she said she needed to know numbers forwards and backwards to 100 learnt by end of reception. Which seems like a lot as well. I get there are 6 year olds who can do all do this very easily, but she’s aware of my DD and the fact she’s not being tutored to push her into some competitive school or something but that we are just trying to fill gaps so she keeps up and finds her work a bit easier and it may even help her focus better.

oh fuck them all tbh. My DD is lovely and she loves learning and most importantly she’s made such huge improvements this year. What a bunch of fucking wankers.

Ditch the tutor.

Consider moving schools.

I would agree with the sentiment that if there is a problem she will likely get more support at a state school than this private school which does indeed sound academically pushy.

I would also urge you to consider how this is making you feel and now imagine how your poor daughter feels.

It sounds like an incredibly damaging environment for your DD. From what you've written she's a bright child, and yet the tutor, school and you as a parent are making her feel like her best isn't anywhere near good enough.

I know you have said you don't want her to fall behind, but by sending her to the tutor and reinforcing the school's view, the message you're sending is that she's not clever enough and she should be doing more.

You don’t need to urge me to imagine how she feels. I already do. I ask her all the time how she’s feeling going to see the tutor and if she likes her and she says she likes it. I don’t force her to do the worksheets. She does them. I praise her effort and build her up all the time. I am doing all I can to make sure she doesn’t feel bad about herself.

equally, if she can’t keep up at school- she’ll also feel bad about herself.

You’d be better off asking her actual teacher what you ca do with her at home.

I don’t think that she thinks that’s why she sees the lady once a week. At least she’s never expressed it and the school have never expressed to her that there’s a problem either. We’ve never told her there’s an issue.

Please don't worry at such a young age.

Children change so much as they get older and things click in place later for some.

Definitely get her away from the negative tutor. The absolute worst thing you could do for her is give her a negative self view & put her off learning.
Just enjoy her and let her enjoy learning, playing, being 6.

Keep an eye on her of course, but chill. She doesn't sound behind really at all.

I have asked her and I’ve had some answers but not that specific.

I’m a teacher and Senco. Nothing you have said about your DD rings alarm bells with me. She sounds like she’s progressing perfectly. Out of interest, when’s her birthday?
I would be very concerned that her teacher is mentioning possible issues at this stage - there’s absolutely nothing you have said that indicates any issues!

why do you think there are different standards between private and state schools ?
when i tutored from private school most had extra tutors which tells me private schools teaching standards are low or the quality if students is

you say she is average so do reading at home yourself , that should suffice. Year 1 should ne fun keep it light

You might not have said to her outright that you think there's an issue, but children are very perceptive. She's going to a tutor every week, and never recieves any praise. She's doing daily worksheets and you're in discussion with the school over her ability to focus in school. On here you repeatedly mention not falling behind, or feeling dumb.

She's going to be picking up on this, no matter how discreet you think you're being.

@Whingewell I’ve made sure to check in with her and ask her how she’s feeling about her work at school/ school in general / the tutor and she says she likes it all. I don’t know how else to make sure she’s ok ?

she also goes to ballet every week and to tennis every week etc etc. it’s just another activity to her.

and I always make sure to praise her and nudge the tutor too when she’s criticising.

I feel sad for a 6 year old already having tutoring as there is a fear they are 'behind' when it sounds like they are completely normal. I am a TA in KS1 and using phonics to sound out words is normal and encouraged. When writing we encourage our pupils to use the sound mats and remind them if it's a red word to help them write. We don't sit down and spell things out to them, we sound it out with them using Fred fingers so they can help themselves.
I think the school sounds pushy and it's causing you to worry about your child when there is no need to be concerned.

Oh fuck them all tbh. My DD is lovely and she loves learning and most importantly she’s made such huge improvements this year. What a bunch of fucking wankers.

Your DD is lovely and loves learning. What more can anyone want?
She doesn't need a tutor and she doesn't need the pressure that is coming from school.

Blimey-reading that was exhausting. It sounds like your child is a perfectly bright pupil but you are paying lots of money to put her in a school that says she’s a low average and then weekly time with a tutor who thinks she’s not clever enough! Your daughter will have picked up on all of that and it will be having a growing impact on her confidence and self esteem.

I’d move schools and scrap the tutor. She’s 6-you want her to love learning not end up hating it. Find for you to do counting and reading and develop a love of talking about books and science and the world, but she doesn’t need extra worksheets. It’s not Kip McGrath is it?

It’s how I’ve been feeling, but wasn’t sure if it’s just me being over protective. When the teachers called me in I felt so sad for her, the way they were talking about her. And she really is a lovely girl, trying her best and well behaved and not solidly miles behind other children.