Anyone else very sensitive like me? How do I toughen up?

[Stupid0849303o]

I'm mid 30s and stay in touch with a group of school friends. Over the years it became apparent they were not making the same level of effort, it used to get to me a bit but I figured everyone was busy with life.
A few of them have kids, I do not yet but would like any. I've sent cards, gifts etc. And been round to meet them all at their homes.
I found out they all regularly meet together with their children, whilst I do understand why, I have never been invited once. It would just be nice to be given the choice, im not saying I should be invited every single time, just once would be nice,im always willing to travel and be flexible.
Anyway I've accepted now these are casual friends I will and speak to once or twice a year at weddings, baby showers etc. I initially felt hurt by this but have accepted it now.

Something smaller is that I find I can take things as criticism and struggle with bluntness. I was at my mother in laws house and they have a dog. At one point I picked up a toy to play with the dog and MIL said 'No go and put that back please, don't do that.'

I was a bit taken aback, she was within her right to ask me (the dog was awake and looked playful) but I found her bluntness a bit rude, not sure if im overreacting?

I am getting married and this seems to have caused a couple of people to become wedding experts, people giving unsolicited advice, critiquing our choices and expecting us to follow every tradition. I usually just laugh it off and just tell them we're happy with our plans, but I just worry they'll be an issue on the wedding day and sometimes I can't be bothered with it.

Just wondered if these examples make me sound overly sensitive?

I think being sensitive have it's strengths, but I just want to be someone who doesn't give a damn and who can brush everything off.

MIL sounds rude IMHO

You sound normal to me!

I've been told it's just her style , I'm just not very blunt myself so I never know how to deal with it

Time to consider how you see the relationship with mil post wedding.. If she can't be nice to you now she won't be then... And if you do have dc what sort of mil /dgm will she be...
Personally I wouldn't be spending time with someone who spoke to me like that.

I'd never think to invite a childfree friend to a play date. Not because I don't love my childfree friends but because I'm just looking for social opportunities and entertainment for my DC and I also would not think a childfree person would be interested in joining us.
I struggle with people who aren't blunt and instead talk around the houses until I'm not sure what point they're trying to make. I don't take it as a personal attack and feel upset by it. It's just a different communication style.
People often offer 'unsolicited advice'. It's just chitchat usually rather than an order to do something. There's no one way to do a wedding, I've not been to two wedding that have been the same, they've mostly been brilliant though, the differences make them interesting.
I don't think there's anything in your examples to be upset about so I would say you are a sensitive person. As you say, being sensitive also comes with strengths. As long as you are rational about it and not falling out with people for silly reasons or being seriously affected mentally by it there's not really any need to try and change who you are.

I do get that , but not one of the friends with children has ever just invited me for a coffee, children there or not, or just messaged me, so I have to accept I will never be close with them anymore, it has changed.

I think people can be honest and clear without being rude or abrupt, you don't have to beat around the houses, I mean there is a way of saying things sometimes.

I agree - you sound normal to not like the things you have described. I think people who never give a damn and brush everything off are very rare and for some of them it is an issue in itself, maybe narcissism or something like that. I try (but often fail) to find the middle ground. To me that would be accepting that people sometimes say or do things that I don't like or upset me but try to remember that is often simply a difference of opinion or different communications styles which might be brusque but not intended to be offensive. Sometimes other people are just having a bad day. I'm hoping with practice only persistent crappy behaviour will bother me enough to create some distance.

MIL sounds like she thought she was talking to a naughty child! That would have taken me aback too and I'd probably make a point of asking next time if it's ok to pet / play with the dog. Perhaps she's got some strict training regimen in place and wants to keep the dog calm around guests? She should have explained that in a nicer way though!

Wannabe Wedding planners... just smile sweetly and say "My day, my way!"... but if you think they're bad, wait until you have a baby and everyone wants to tell you how to do that!!

@Stupid0849303o "I think people can be honest and clear without being rude or abrupt, you don't have to beat around the houses, I mean there is a way of saying things sometimes."

Not really, not in our culture anyway. If your friends actually told you they only wanted other friends with kids in their circle, I'm sure that would hurt you too. And if I was one of those friends I would feel unbearably awkward at saying something like that to you, so I'd hope you'd kind of get the message. Women change when they have kids and they want to build friendships with other mums. In between that, they're pretty busy being parents. As for your MIL, I agree she was weirdly blunt. Maybe she'd just hoovered up a load of dogs hairs and didn't want him jumping around? But on the face of it, I would find that a bit off.

Don’t dwell on things. Just accept as a fact that sometimes you’re not included/someone is a bit rude or thoughtless….and don’t take it personally or be offended …especially about one-offs.

Too many people are v easily offended and overly touchy. They spend their time feeling cross and bear grudges. The only people who lose out are themselves.

Belueve in yourself as a person who is worthwhile and has value.

Really it’s about keeping perspective. Don’t sweat the small stuff …yes, big things happen tgat need attention …but most stuff can be let go. Move on.

I know it usually does say more about them. There are rude people everywhere and not much I can do about that, just keep calm.