To feel hurt my friend doesnt reply to text but posts on Instagram?

[Homeimprovement22]

I've felt for a while that one of my friendships has become a bit one sided. Been friends for about 10 years but live 4 hours away from each other. My friend does have some difficult things going on but I find she contacts me to unload and then when I talk about myself she takes ages to respond. We swapped some messages a week ago when she wanted to send long voice notes about all her problems, I replied sensitively and supporting her and then talked a little about some health problems I'm having. Shes done a big post on Instagram this morning but hasnt replied to my text from a week ago. Just feel hurt.

Posting on instagram takes zero effort, thinking of a decent reply to someone’s problems does. Yabu.

It sounds like a pretty one sided friendship to me OP

She sounds a though she regards herself as the main player and your function is to support her.

Perhaps you should be less available to her and invest more in other friends who see friendship as a two way relationship.

I agree with this. She's happy to take your emotional labour but not to reciprocate.

My sister is like this. I’ve had to essentially “match her energy” and accept she doesn’t want any sort of deep or reciprocal relationship, which really hurts.

It’s time to cut her off. She’s offloading onto you and trauma dumping her issues but when you need her she’s no where to be seen.

Sometimes when we go through heavy things in our life we can step back from going out, friendships etc but it doesn’t sound like this is a one off to me?

Agree with this. Match her energy and be less available. If she’s genuinely a good friend she’ll notice your absence and start asking more how you are.

This makes me feel really sad. Instagram cannot replace true human connection, and it is being lost.

She's messaged today after a week, once again saying what a hard time she's having. I just dont have the energy for it, I havent opened the message yet.

Agree that its sad. Also her post was about 10 photos, clearly carefully selected and edited. So I dont buy the whole she didnt have time to message me back, its about priorities. Have time to do a detailed social media post, has time to reply to a close friend of 10 years.

OP you're right that it's one sided and that she's essentially prioritising Instagram over you when you've clearly been a supportive friend. She clearly doesn't value the friendship as much as you do and if I were you I'd do less. Match her energy. Text her when she texts you perhaps but don't get into it about her problems if she's ignored yours.

She's messaged earlier today but I haven't opened it. Im in no rush to reply. I'm sick of it.

I’d match her energy here.
You’ve waited a week and had no response to your message but another text from her about her problems.
I’d wait 4-5 days and then ignore her text and send something unrelated back. If she says anything “so sorry, have a lot on with my health issues at present”

In that case I agree with @Newyearbutsameoldme

Wait a few days to reply and be upfront about your own issues. Her response will tell you everything you need to know about the friendship.