Different communication styles in relationship- how to navigate

[MissJ67]

My partner is more directive, I know this isn't meant as malicious or bossy but more from a place of anxiety.

I don't quite know what mine is but mine isn't like that, he will say things like 'No leave it' 'No don't do that' and so on if that makes sense.
We have pets and sometimes have different ideas around managing them. We've compromised on a few things and sometimes I've realised it's easier to just pick your battles and let it go.
However sometimes I can get a bit frustrated when i feel like I'm being directed. I went to move one of the toys elsewhere and he said 'No leave it there.' I asked why?
And he said his reason.
I said 'I'm sorry but I'd just like to be assertive and do this my way this time, so im going to put it there.'
He seemed taken aback and apologised. I did too, I know i didn't word it correctly I was just trying to assert myself and recognise that he doesn't always have to have the final say. I apologised afterwards but I still feel bad. Any thoughts?

It maybe sounds like im being sensitive. I do need to pick my battles but equally I don't always have to do everything he says. I suppose it makes me doubt myself and wonder if im rubbish with dogs? I am open to compromise

Well, he sounds domineering. I couldn’t countenance being spoken to as if I were a particularly form of hired hand.

I didn't say it angrily or anything I just suppose I prefer not to have directions unless it's like dangerous or something.

Well, tell him that every time?

You’re being kind.

He treats you as a child.

Did you recently write another post about him telling you how to care for you'd pets?
If you don't even know your own communication style and are uncomfortable asserting yourself, it's likely communication would be an issue in any relationship. You really need to work on that before you can work on matching your communication style with someone else.
Me and DH are both very direct but that works for us. If he told me to put something somewhere I'd say I don't want it there, we'd both explain our reasoning, one of us would see the other POV and we'd come to and agreement. It wouldn't become heated, none of us would be upset or offended or feel the need to apologise.

I just don't have a directive style so I can't really match. We do discuss and compromise other things, it didn't become heated and it's fine now, I just felt I shouldn't have said it.

I recognise it too.

You do t have to have a directive style. You only need to stand up for yourself. It will feel rude because you aren’t used to it, but it isn’t rude in response to being told what to do.

No. I don’t want to. I want it here. When you use it, do what you like. I am happy using it like this.

The issue you have isn’t really communication style so much as balance of power. You give him power every time you do want he says. It reinforces his right to do it.
You are both adults. It isn’t rude to make decisions for yourself. You just need to break the habit. It’s so much easier than expecting him to change how he behaves. Just make it ineffective.

I suppose 'Would you mind if we did X instead?' May land differently. You can still be direct and express things without being bossy as such.

I don't like the "would you mind if...?" style of communication.

Because if the other person says "well actually yes, I do mind/no, I don't want to do that", instead of just asserting what you want, you've now explicitly asked their opinion and are then either going to have to go along with it (which you don't want) or disregard it (which is way more offensive after asking the question).

There was nothing wrong with what you said, you're just over thinking it because you're not used to standing up for yourself. It'll get easier with practice and you'll stop over thinking so much.
.

There are some useful, lighthearted reminders to use on people who tend to take charge.
‘Who died and put you in charge?’, was one.
‘What did your last slave die of?’
etc

I suspect you’re overthinking this.
You don’t like the way he speaks to you. You’re allowed to feel that and express it.
If he can’t amend his tone, your relationship won’t work. It’s that simple.