AIBU to feel upset my ex ignored our son’s birthday?

[BlueberryPie2]

This is going to sound silly but I can’t help but feel upset/ annoyed?

It was my son’s birthday yesterday and my ex didn't contact at all to even wish him a happy birthday, am I being silly to be sad about this? My son didn't mention anything but I can’t help but still feel sad for him, his “father’s” birthday is the day before his so I don’t know how he can ignore his own son. We haven’t heard from him in a year. My own father wasn't around when I was growing up but he always without fail sent a card on my birthday even though he didn’t see me, he never missed a birthday so I’m not use to someone just completely ignoring their own child like this.

Be pleased he’s your ex. Be there for your son and don’t make excuses. Don’t bother trying to work out why he’s such a shit as it’s a waste of time. Be justified in wanting to pummel him - but don’t!

Thats absolutely disgusting. My DS father did the same. He didnt bother with his 40th a few years aho either and DS was really upset. I knew my ex would do nothing. They are a waste of space.

It doesn't sound silly, why would you think it does?

Most people would be raging if their child's father ignored them.

People’s value lies in how they treat others. He clearly isn’t worth much.

Just make sure your son knows his worth bears no relation to his father’s treatment of him. I always taught my DC that other people’s behaviour is about them and not us. Our value doesn’t like in other people’s behaviour or opinions of us.

Your son didn’t mention anything but I’m sorry to say it will probably have hurt him. I don’t see how old your son is? My adult dd is having therapy due to issues caused by an uninterested “dad” who has never done anything for her.

i think you should probably discuss this with your child if you haven’t already.

I'm adopted and my adoptive family rarely remembered my birthday even though the birthday of the natural children was always marked. Even as a mature adult this does make me a bit sad (I’m NC with them now so the issue no longer comes up but still…)

If his dad hasn’t seen him for a year, why would he send a card for his birthday? He’s clearly a selfish shit.

I can’t understand why people would act like that! Big hugs to your son and you.

As mentioned in my post my father sent me a card every year for my birthday and Xmas even though he didn’t see me so maybe thats why it’s so strange to me

Weve already spoken about his father choosing not to have any contact, I wouldn’t bring it up to remind him that he didn’t contact as im not sure how that would benefit him.

People have told me to be grateful he didn’t contact him thats why I was questioning it. Though he didn’t contact at Christmas either.

You are understandably upset, no matter how old children are we want the best for them. It's inconceivable to most Mums that when we love so much and so deeply that Dads basically can't or don't feel the same. At the end of the day you are being both Mum and Dad,its tough but you are enough and that's what counts.💕

I'd be furious to be honest. I would probably want to hunt him down and tell him exactly what I think of him - pointless I know as he's obviously a selfish shit who doesn't care about his child. Get together with your friends, drink gin and have a good rant and get it off your chest (away from your son obviously!)

I hope your son had a lovely birthday anyway 💐

Thanks he had a great day.

I have been tempted to message him to give him a peace of my mind but I know it won’t be a good idea

Your feelings are valid but I honestly think its better for kids if a parent is either all in or all out. No halfway house of contact when it suits them. That's really unsettling.

Just continue on being the great parent that you are

thank you, i dont know for me at least, i liked receiving cards on my birthday from my father, it meant we knew he was still alive and that even if he didn’t see us he still thought of us, we was use to it so it wasn’t a great deal or didn’t cause any upset. but i realise that’s unusual although my siblings also agree that they liked getting cards on their birthday.

Because not talking about it just means he internalises it and you aren’t reinforcing with him each and every time it happens that this is all about his father and not about him. I’m a great believer in not letting things fester with kids by trying to pretend everything is normal when it clearly isn’t but everyone has their own way of doing things and you know your own son best.

He knows it’s his father’s issue and not him, I just don’t see the point in reminding him each time that he hasn’t bothered, also dont want to be seen as bad mouthing him.