AIBU to worry it is inevitable my child will think badly of me even though I did nothing wrong?

[Us100]

Ex left me just before the 20 week scan. We had been living in his place but loosely… what I mean by that is he gave me a key and I left my house as it was, didn’t rent it out or anything, we just gave things a go. So nothing official was in place like a mortgage or joint tenancy agreement.

Anyway, things were awful. Baby was a surprise but we’d chatted about kids for a year or so before it happened. After he left me he refused to speak to me for months and told me through his friend that he didn’t want to know when the baby was born. When I claimed maintenance (through cms as he had told me not to contact him) he then denied he was the father and said I had been sleeping around. I don’t have an opinion on anyone sleeping around if that’s what they want to do but it’s never been something I have done and him suggesting this was hurtful on a lot of levels but one of them was the fact that it just simply wasn’t who I was. Obviously when the test was forced upon him to do (after several weeks of chasing him to book the appointment), he then had to pay.

He’s since developed a bond with our child and he will regularly say that he will tell our child what I’m like, for instance if we have a disagreement about something he immediately alludes to the paternity test as to why he was absent initially. I live in fear of this because even though the paternity test showed he was the father, our child will always now have the impression that I was sleeping around and it really upsets me.

I have posted about this before in a longer post about other things, please don’t judge me for posting, I’m just struggling and feel sad about it and anxious about the future and how my relationship may be affected with my child:

Do everything by email so he has evidence
have a stock sentence saying something life ‘threatening to expose our child to parental conflict is not child centred and would be worrying and stressful for them, please stop making threats to do this. Talking in disparaging ways about one parent to a child is also stressful and sounds like the beginning stages of attempting parental alienation - please refrain from doing his and threatening to do this.’

if he said it in person, record by email ‘today you said : xxxx ‘ then follow with the phrase above.

I think if you have to ever explain the paternity test you can say he knew he was your dad as we were in a committed relationship he just wanted to upset me and avoid paying.

but tbh when he is old enough to know what sex is you and his dad will be arguing about other things so won’t be thinking about this.

stop thinking about him - everytime you do consciously redirect your thoughts to yourself and your wellbeing and having fun with your baby

If this reflects your ex's usual character, your ds will spend the next 5 / 10 / 15 etc years learning from experience who is usually truthful and who usually isn't. And who usually faces up to their (her) responsibilities and who doesn't. When (if) he asks you about some bullshit his father said about the test, you'll probably find you can just ask him whether he thinks this is the truth - and he probably won't. In the meantime, it's going to be a while before ds is even capable of understanding the accusations. Don't let the creep get to you.