Neighbour just swore at me in front of my kids

[Oliveoiloli]

We have a really tight corner on our road and for that reason I drive around it very slowly (10 /15 mph) today there was another car on the blind bend also going at a safe speed. As there is only room for one car and we surprised each other I did brake hard to let him past. Made me jump but nothing out of the ordinary or unsafe - this is exactly why we drive very slowly around it. The only issue is the man driving the other car went absolutely mental at me (I had my small children in the car). He is actually my neighbour but clearly didn’t realise that or recognise me. I am a bit shocked. Who swears in front of small children? I often see his wife when we walk the dogs. Should I mention it?

He sounds like an arsehole, but it's not his wife's job to police his behaviour. If mine behaved like that (and I genuinely believe he wouldn't) in front of me he'd have his arse handed to him but it's not my job to either explain his behaviour to someone else or apologise on his behalf. Frankly, if that was his public reaction to a minor driving inconvenience then I wonder how he'd respond in private to his wife confronting him about it.

If you want to go over it again with anyone, do it with him, not his wife.

She's not responsible for her husband swearing.

What was his problem anyway, if you were going as slowly as you say?

Thank you for your replies. Reflecting I think he had a go because he thought he was anonymous and could get away with it. I was thinking that by telling his wife I could burst that bubble - however I do agree with the advice here from both posters It’s not her job to clear up after his poor behaviour. I won’t be confronting him though - he is scary!

I had an incident happen to me recently and I thought of doing the exact same thing, not because it's her responsibility, but because she should know how her husband speaks to women when she's not there. I haven't and probably won't, but I completely understand the impulse!

I think you're being a bit precious about the swearing but it sounds like he really overreacted to the situation. I wouldn't speak to his wife but would want to bring it up with him when I next see him. If he's a bit scary to confront, as you say, I'd be tempted to leave it.

I would but in a kind of casual, jokey way - your husband s got a mouth on him kinda thing. What an areshole

Men going mental at women especially infront of their kids is something we should all be a 'bit precious' about.

I disagree.
I would say to his wife what happened and that his anger was terrifying for yourself and the children, especially as you did nothing wrong and were being as careful as possible in a tight space.

I would avoid him completely.
No harm putting him and her on notice that he has been seen.

I would be very pleasant to her, but I would let her know that his anger and foul language was very very shocking to witness.

Me to
He shouldn't get away with bad behavior just because "he's scary"
Because he has been allowed to be

What did he say? Was it at you, or more of a "fucking hell, I've got a shock" type yell? If he's just swearing in alarm I wouldn't be fussed. But either you say something to him (in person or a note through the door), or you leave it. His wife is not his mum.

How did he swear at you, go 'mental' etc, if you were in cars passing each other in opposite directions?

OP said there is only room for one car to pass and she had stopped to let him go first. So there would have been plenty of time for him to stop and abuse her.

Sadly alot of people resort to foul language when they can't cope with a situation and don't have the tools, to handle a situation.
Be much better if they learnt to be kind and assertive in life instead of aggressive.
Being aggressive tends not to get you anywhere.

I cant hear what people in an oncoming car are saying!? Not unless i open the door or window

Okay. Not sure what to tell you but when an Angry Man pulled up to me, driver's window to driver's window, I could absolutely hear every word he was yelling through the two closed windows.

Both cars were stationary - he was thumping the steering wheel and shouting his head off in a rage. He delivered some of his feedback via sign language as well. This is in the street I Iive on (a little country lane), I normally wave to my neighbours. I also couldn’t pass him until he had finished his little display. Apart from him needing to respond to another road user (which we both did safely) nothing extraordinary had actually happened to prompt this. It was pure aggression

@Oliveoiloli I’d have to let him know when I saw him next, something like “are you OK now? You seemed a bit stressed in the car on the corner yesterday morning” or similar … he needs to know you know and maybe, just maybe, he’ll think about reining in his reactions in future.

Not his mum? Jeez - think i might be interested to know if my dh was harassing neighbours

If you felt unsafe you should report him to the police.
i don’t see what his wife has got to do with it. Nor are the kids very relevant. He was verbally agressive. Full stop. If you felt threatened, that’s a police matter, not a wife matter.

I could have written this! I always drive slow as the roads where I live are tight, blind bends and too many parked cars. Anyway, car came flying round, they were travelling much quicker than me, so whilst the road was clear when once I committed, they appeared out of nowhere. I was just past the bend so I refused to reverse which upset them even more, they reversed, badly, into a kerb then they really got angry. I couldn't imagine being that angry at anything!

I agree the presence of children is irrelevant as is his wife. He is unreasonable to shout at you but if you had to brake that hard you were probably going too fast for the corner. It sounds like the sort of corner where a horn toot before entering the bend wouldn’t go amiss or ask for a mirror to be placed there if it’s that bad.

Why couldn’t you pass him until he had finished a display? Was he expecting you to reverse? I suspect he’s an entitled idiot and some people are just sweary but if negotiating the corner is a regular occurrence something went wrong this time

It’s really hard with neighbours as effectively you see them daily - more than family. We had similar here. Our neighbour has kids dropped and picked up for pre/post school care and those people were constantly blocking our driveway ingress and egress. When leaving for work at 7am one of these cars which had completely blocked us in refused to move. The driver called us ‘tats’ and her teenage school girl daughter told us to ‘fck off’. Despite being potty mouths when driving, amazingly neither of us reacted! We stayed calm and they completely let themselves down. We have nothing to do with the neighbour and that particular vehicle no longer comes term time daily.

As someone has said resorting to abusive and foul language shows their shortcomings, not yours. He sounds unapproachable (same situation here) so as others have said perhaps a casual mention to his wife OR just avoid him and keep relations with his wife for neighbourhood reasons.

It’s the first time we’ve encountered this and we’ve lived here years, even now visitors, workmen coming or parcel deliveries have become stressful as the neighbour is hostile. We are past the point of no return but for you although it’s knocked you off kilter [and no one should belittle that] at least his wife is amiable. Words are easy but just ignore him…..

On the other hand, if you raise it, he could escalate because he sounds like someone who likes to give himself permission to explode.
Last thing you need is an angry neighbour who feels you have given him permission to be angry at you.

I’d be going round and having a chat. His response would then dictate if I took it further. I once did this with someone who was going too fast on a country lane we were walking on and rather than say sorry he was having a go at us. I suggested to him that his outburst was Shame related as he realised he’d cocked up, so slightly different. I wouldn’t go all how dare you swear id go in with I’m interested in your response to that incident , if he does anything other than say yep lost control really sorry well you have your answer.