Doubting my diagnosis

[Kayl74xx]

Long story short when I had my daughter 4 years ago it was traumatic. Since had another baby a year ago and my mental health has been in the gutter. My partner thought it could be post natal depression so I finally seen a dr a year ago for help. I had the most attentive support and medication but all the concerns most people have with post natal depression I didn’t have - loved my kids- never struggled to bond- only fear was that I wasn’t a good enough mum. Been thinking about it loads lately and my partner is clearly a narcissistic, love bombing, gas lighting bully and now I think of it I don’t believe I had post natal depression I struggled with how I’m treated and he allowed myself to think I’m mentally ill to cover this tracks. Even when I start to take medication he said he would tell social services if we split up I was on meds and mentally ill! Was that the narcissist behaviour? Am I going mad?

Talk to your GP and Women’s Aid. I found both incredibly supportive. Sorry this is happening.

I second calling Women's Aid. They can talk you through things and are incredibly supportive.
I was told by my ex i had post natal depression after our first. With my second I started having daily panic attacks while pregnant abd stuck at home shielding (covid). Again, told it was depression and anxiety. During on the phone counselling everything came back to my now ex... once you start to see the patterns of negative behaviour you see more of it. Only when I split up with him and the police told me it was an abusive relationship, and then a new counsellor, did I really see it.
Get counselling.
Ring Women's Aid when you are alone and can talk.
My ex tried to use my mental health in court as an issue, my GP said they had no concerns about my parenting and it wasn't considered.
Threatening to use your health to take your kids away from you is not a safe, loving relationship.

Well there are two separate issues going on here - you say yourself your mental health hit the gutter after your second child was born. So that is you acknowledging you do have mental health issues - just maybe not postnatal depression which is what your partner suggested. When discussing your mental health with the GP did they suggest otherwise?

Separately it sounds like you have concerns over the controlling nature of your partner (which is likely to contribute to your mental health). He might not want you to get better or make it sound like you can't cope, so agree talking to women's aid on advice for this could help.

The father of my first two babies was an absolute A hole. Lying, cheating, bullying lunatic. I had two babies 15 months apart. I spent months in therapy and being filled with drugs before he was arrested and remanded and I was free. 2 years later I remarried and was DREADING post natal depression. Turns out when you are with a fantastic man that values you, adores your children and he’s understanding and loving, it’s much much less likely that you will feel the same way. I didn’t have any pbd with my second 2 and my DH supported me fully in therapy to repair the damage the a hole caused. Still together and happy 26 years on! He’s the best choice I ever made.