To worry about second kid syndrome?

[OliveBee26]

I know so many second kids who have gone off the rails or are unhappy compared to their successful older sibling. Like Prince Harry but in normal families, often with mental health issues or low self esteem.

DH and I are both stereotypical eldest children (he was even head boy) and we have one DC. All fine so far and another on the way but I want to avoid second kid syndrome.

Is it possible? I still remember my parents being so busy and stressed with my younger siblings. And there was a lot of rivalry.

I am scared that our second child will suffer whatever we do. Any advice or opposite experiences welcome. TIA

I have never heard of this being a thing. I don't know anyone that this would apply to either.

Never ever ever heard of this

Never even heard of it. I’m the second child and I have more/better qualifications, “better” career (more senior, earn more), live a more rounded life.

I'm a second child and I turned out great :D

My parents weren't great though, they idolised my older brother and treated me and my sisters as skivvies, therapists and emotional (occasionally physical) punching bags. I feel like I've done well in spite of them, not because of them.

I have two children, pregnant with my third, love them to absolute pieces. I try to treat them equally. It helps that there is five years between them so they generally need different kinds of support and aren't competing for the same attention. Maybe that's the key.

I really don’t understand where you are going with this and where you got this from. Are you able to explain.

In my experience my 2nd born is spoilt rotten by everyone (including her older sister) and she has very high self esteem and is loved and secure.

Perhaps you can explain more where you got this idea from?

Do you not have anything more important or realistic to worry about?

My second child is far more intelligent (naturally) and focused (personality type) than my eldest.

Either you want a second child or you don’t. Anything else is just noise.

FWIW, I am a very happy only child. Don’t have another one just for the eldest - siblings are great but not the be all and end all. I’ve never had any problems socialising and have tons of friends

Prince Harry is a very extreme example due to inheritance of the throne! Personally I think the problem comes from comparison and the attempt or expectation of following the elder siblings footsteps but if you ensure you treat them as individuals, help them indulge their own interests i am sure you can raise two or more healthy children. Exam results can be difficult if the second is less academically able but reduced pressure and recognition of strengths outside of academia will help.

Have a third child, then the second one will be fine and the youngest one will be the diva. If that worries you too, have a fourth.

Seriously though, although birth order does make a difference in personality to some extent, we all know people who don’t fit the mould at all, chances are your eldest child will go off the rails with anxiety from all the pressure and the second one will sail through life.

I'm a second child and DH is a third child. We are, both of us, the designated "adults in the room" amongst our siblings. Need a loan? That'll be us? Career advice? Also us? Screwed the pooch and had to close your business down so can't afford your mortgage? Welcome to our spare room etc etc etc.

It's definitely not a given that the first child is the successful, together one.