What does pda profile look like when they are adults?

[primesuspected]

Dd has ADHD and autism with PDA (pathological demand avoidance)
I can’t possibly imagine what she’ll be like as an adult as she’s only 13 but I don’t know what her future looks like.
She will find a job excruciating, and the boredom intolerable.
She can be quite unpleasant when she’s criticised by authority, often retaliating with personal attacks.
I see a side to her that nobody else sees, a vulnerable girl, crippled with anxiety and unable to cope, exhausted by trying but unable to change because it’s a lifelong condition that she doesn’t choose to have but I don’t know how she will manage in the working world when workplaces are literally everything that triggers her PDA.

Hoping someone can come along and tell me of children who’ve strived at work despite their struggles with PDA.
I know working for herself would be the first suggestion but she struggles with processing information and working memory, along with attention and isn’t doing very well academically.

I see it as a movement from 'nurture' to 'nature' rather than a more kinder and balanced perspective overall. I agree however both profiles are quite similar, and that anxiety may come across as anger or oppositional behaviour.

Teen school years were pretty horrific but honestly now at 20 DD is doing brilliantly. She's at uni and I don't personally have to place any demands on her so our relationship has improved beyond measure. In her part time job DD does find it difficult with authority but she's proactive enough to manage herself fortunately and I've no doubt she will end up in a senior position telling people what to do eventually! She's had quite a lot of counselling and coaching however....Don't lose hope.

That's really interesting! I'd thought of paramedic or mortuary worker for DD but prison officer might suit also. She's unsqueamish and unshockable, energetic and very good with people.

I'm going to steer her away from anything requiring much admin.

I sometimes employ a very happy gardener with ADHD who by his own account was useless at school but likes the outdoors, weeding like a demon with his Airpods in. Ditto an osteopath who said he can only deal with humans in 15 minute blocks!

I don't know how helpful this response will be, but I am an adult with ADHD and PDA traits, but I would consider my PDA traits to be on the milder end of the spectrum, and they were/ are mitigated to a significant degree by people-pleasing tendencies I have developed as a trauma response (do not recommend, just my situation).

I have held down a series of good jobs (I am a lawyer) because the work I do gives me a lot of autonomy and I'm trusted to make my own decisions unless I actively seek input from others. Sometimes the mental burden of this can be significant (perfectionist control-freak) but it hasn't got me fired.

If your daughter isn't especially academic then something like law won't suit her but there are many jobs out there where she will be left to get on with things in her own way to a large degree. I hope she finds her path, and is happy.

Definitely don't underestimate that 'very good with people' element - it's one that I constantly refer to with my dh. Indeed, I always knew that my stepdaughter, who takes after her dad with her people skills, would be absolutely fine in life - despite a bit of a rough patch (academically mostly, but she also became a bit of a party girl). She also went back to studying as a mature student and is now a primary teacher. People management skills are massively advantageous in all walks of life.

My DD has tried counselling and could not engage with the therapist because she didn't know or trust them. She is much younger so perhaps it'll work in the future but I wonder if there's anything you can suggest from your/your DDs experience which might help?

The root is seen as anxiety and an attempt to gain some control over their lives by avoiding any demands. some of it can be linked to comprehension difficulties too.

@Hollowvoice sorry I didn't get notified you'd asked me something. For my DD it really was about finding the right person. She'd tried a couple of free sessions with counselling before she found the right fit for her, she's either immediately comfortable with someone or she's not (& never will be!). She didn't talk much about the sessions but from what I understood the counsellor was able to hold a mirror up to her behaviour and allow her to understand herself more. Her 6th form were amazing too, she would often just get up and walk out of a room if she was asked to do something but they offered her a mentor and small group counselling sessions with young people with similar issues and it really helped her feel less isolated and more understood. And finally, I think increasing maturity is key. I still see PDA behaviour at home during uni holidays but in the most part I can ignore it because I also have learnt how to manage her to avoid conflict.

@NoKnickerElastic thank you. I don't think we're at the stage where she'd even do trial sessions so it seems I will remain her counsellor for the foreseeable!
I think you're right about the understanding though, we had a difficult day this week which resulted in a long emotional chat about what I understand PDA to be and how/why it manifests. We actually made a bit of a breakthrough and the rest of the week she's been so much calmer.

@HollowvoiceI'm glad you've had a calmer week. When DD was at her most challenging when she was younger, my DH and I researched so much because we just couldn't work out what was going on. This was prediagnosis and we were completely ignorant to ADHD. We stumbled across 'love bombing ' and honestly it was a game changer. We showered her with so much attention, we'd take it in turns to give her undivided 1:1 activities that she chose. It honestly made such a difference. We still had difficult times, but I felt much more in control of how we were handling her and it somehow felt like light at the end of the tunnel.

This is an interesting and reassuring thread, thank you! I often wonder if DS aged 7 with ADHD, signs of ASD will remain at home with us.
Since his diagnosis, its crystal clear DH has the same. DH is successful in his field, works outside and has never ever taken a day off sick, he's the first one in and clearly thrived off the routine.

He stepped back from a big group of friends when we first became serious and it all makes sense now. He couldn't give energy to both friendships who were still very socially active and a relationship. He'd finish work at 2.30 and have a nap, now I see this as regulating himself. It was only when I took maternity leave id start to see what he was up to as id normally be at work until 6.

I am so glad you posted this thread and thank you to all that have responded.

My DS has just been suspended from school again, at least once per academic year so far…… I am so worried for his future and though he would just end up like his dad (my ex) bouncing from job to job getting fired from each one, can’t hold down a relationship or a home.

I am honestly tearing up here to read that so many go on to have happy settled and productive lives.