Ex leaving child in car

[Howdoyoulikethemapplesnow]

AIBU to think it’s not okay?

Two DC ages 6 and 8. Ex keeps leaving them in the car when he goes to shops, collect a prescription, etc….car is not visible from either and DC say they panic.

I can get petrol station if it’s really busy and you can see the car at all times but do I raise the rest?

10 minutes or 2 hours?

10 mins

On road parking if that makes a difference

My exh used to leave 3 x dc under 10 home alone every Saturday night when he went to the pub..
Judge deemed it different parenting styles...
Encourage dc to lock the car door and sit still. Or not. Letting the alarm go off will alert people to what he has done. Might deter him.

If the kids have talked to you about it and said it makes them panic, you have to advocate for them. He may not even realise the distress he’s causing.

I agree. Get chat gpt to help you write a message along the lines of ‘I’m passing on what the children have said as I thought you’d want to be aware’ rather than a ‘I’m telling you what to do.’ Keep it biff brief firm friendly factual or something like that!

I'd mention it to him but ultimately there's nothing you can do about it.

10 minutes aged 6 and 8 is perfectly fine imo.

Non issue for me, I think this is just a parenting preference. You can express to him that you prefer they aren't left in the car but you can't really dictate what he does on his own time.

Why are 6 and 8 year olds panicking about being out of sight of a parent for 10 minutes?
Do they usually have any independence?

Yes this.

Kids are all different, couldn't have left my eldest at 6, at 8 he'll play a game or listen to music while I pay for fuel or literally pick up a prescription. I'd have to be parked right outside so he can see me go in the shop. Youngest almost 5, wouldn't leave, is in a pushing boundaries stage and would jump in front of a car just to be funny at the minute. Definitely wouldn't leave both together.

If they said they were worried being left j also wouldn't leave them, I've o ky started leaving eldest as he begs not to have to get out of the car (autistic, transitions are hard, getting out the car, in the shop, to the till, back to the car, back in the car, seat elt, it's a huge number of transitions he prefers to avoid

They are old enough to understand that he’s just popping into the shop?

I don’t think it’s a huge issue. I have always left mine as it’s just easier than dragging them out of the car and into a shop/chemist. At that age it’s fine.

The only thing I worry about leaving young kids in the car is the handbrake. Some kids won't sit still and be more tempted into fiddling with things in the car and see it as a game.

Why would they panic?
It’s overkill to take 2 slightly older children out of the car to pick up something like a prescription, they should be fine waiting in the car.

Feels like there's another issue here if they are panicking to this extent in a few minutes. Did something happen to make them so scared?

They’re 6 and 8. Leaving them in the car for a few minutes to collect a prescription is absolutely fine. They’re not babies.

Completely fine
let ex know they are upset and advise you will work with them in building confidence and resilience on your end and he can also if he would like to. The end

Although they are fine to be left if they are unhappy with it why cant they go with him? Do they mess around?

I also get intrusive thoughts about spontaneous combustion so rarely do it but that's just me!

Lol, this place is hilarious! A 6 and 8 year old feeling anxious, they cannot see their parent for 10 whole minutes, does not make them defective!

If the OP had said she leaves her kids unattended in the car for 10 minutes, she'd be lynched 🤣

OP, not sure if you can do much, but I'm pretty sure leaving younger kids in cars for extended periods (ie 10 minutes), is illegal in Australia. Maybe it's the same where you live?

They're not defective, but it's unusual to children of that age to have such an extreme reaction?

I think it’s a borderline thing.
I think you’re right to listen to how the kids feel.
Ideally you should be able to speak about these issues but I can imagine you don’t want to create friction.
It is also important for us to build our kids resilience and faith in their parents so if you are confident they may feel reassured.

But you are not wrong to feel as you do; this is one of the countless agonies of sharing childcare after relationship breakdown. It’s very tough and I feel for you.
I was a child of divorce who hardly ever saw my dad after he left. I would have been delighted to see him even if he was half arsed and a bit neglectful!

Why wouldn’t you leave a 6 and 8 year old in a safely parked car for 10 minutes?

I think it’s too young to leave young children in a car out of eyesight for so many reasons. My brother left my eight year old nephew in the car when he went into a shop. When he came out a couple of minutes later, the car had gone. It had been parked on a slight hill, my nephew had released the handbrake, and the car had sailed off down the road and crashed into a parked car. On Sunday, I stopped to get petrol and realised there was a commotion on the forecourt. Not only had the stupid driver left her small toddler in the car while she had gone in to pay for her petrol, she had also left her keys within reach of the child, who had managed to lock the door. The car was surrounded by people trying to explain to the child how to unlock the door but it obviously didn’t work as they were all still there when I went past again 20 minutes later.

I’m with you OP I would never do this.