DHs health taken more seriously than mine

[Momrage]

I've had over a decade of back pain issues. I've spoken to multiple Drs across several clinics. When it's serious I'm bent double like a pensioner. The most support I've had is double strength ibuprofen and a heat pack. After ten years I finally got one Dr to take it seriously when I reached my limit, and they had some tests done. They ended up just shrugging it off as "mild" degenerative disc disease and hypermobility, and it's just something I have to deal with as I age. So I've just learnt to live with it. I'm in pain daily.

In contrast this week DH strained his back pushing the pram. So far 111 fast tracked him to an out of hours Dr first thing on a Sunday morning. He has been given naproxen and fairly strong cocodamol dose. He's also got instructions to go back to them if it doesn't improve. He's still mobile, still working etc.

I empathise with DHs back pain, it is miserable. But AIBU to feel put out that his seems to have been far more seriously than I ever have?

Yours is a serious longstanding chronic issue, his is a sudden onset acute issue. They are going to be treated differently

Medical misogyny is not new or a surprise. It's pretty well documented that men and women are treated differently for the same issues - Naga Munchetty wrote a whole book about it: "It's Probably Nothing".

Yes, I think it's this rather than the fact that you're a woman and he's a man. Chronic back pain is a really different thing to a sudden injury - you're comparing apples and oranges.

I had an incredibly painful and movement-restricting shoulder issue for about 18 months and it took ages to get proper treatment and resolution for it because it was gradual and the pain ebbed and flowed and there was no obvious cause. But if I'd injured my shoulder falling down the stairs I would have been treated immediately for that at A&E because it was a sudden injury and a short-term acute problem.

You do have a diagnosis for your problem. It's a completely different diagnosis to your husband's. That is why you're being treated differently.

I definitely do think there are some areas of women's health that are much more likely to get ignored and dismissed (and not just by doctors - if I had a quid for every time I've seen someone on Mumsnet say 'it's probably perimenopause' or 'could you be peri, OP' in response to posts about any conceivable ailment, I'd be a rich woman by now) but I don't think this is an example of that.

It's bloody rage inducing isn't it. Don't know if you have already tried them but boots do an own brand Ibuprofen with 12.5mg codeine that you can get over the counter. I find it brilliant for relieving pain with inflammation.

Your husband first issue with his back and he’s treated straight away but I’m sure on your first issue you were told just to take painkillers and get on with it…

Maybe if you were treated in the first instance the same as your husband you wouldn’t have chronic issues but instead a better pain management plan.

Similar here. Have long history of back pain but then developed hip pain. Was diagnosed without X ray or MRI. It took 18 months to be referred for X Ray. Partner hurt his finger and was sent for X Ray immediately

He’s very unlikely to get any more of the strong pain meds prescribed. They will be to ensure he gets through the acute stage and keeps moving. If he doesn’t keep mobilising the area where he’s on pain, it could develop into a more chronic issue.
I absolutely do think that there is unconscious misogyny in way pain in managed. But I think in this case, they are treating it as an acute injury, not a long standing chronic problem.

When I was working at a GP surgery we were told that men sometimes don't contact the GP as they are scared.
So in which case if a man who hadn't seen a GP for over a year or more than it must be serious and to give him an appointment.
This was 10 years ago so the info might have changed.

I get my husband to call the doctor and come with me to every GP appointment now. It's changed everything - they actually listen to him. It's incredible. Hes happy to do it because he's loved finally getting help for me.

This is correct. Perfectly healthy, just turned 30, went to get out my car after driving home from work and couldn't stand straight or move. Dr gave me ibuprofen. And it took ten years to be acknowledged as a chronic condition. I had to pay to see an osteopath to finally get confirmation of hypermobility

I injured my knee several months ago, it began hurting the day after an activities day I attended, I must have done something to it as no prior issues. I limped along for 7 weeks taking painkillers before going to the doctors - although it was a musculoskeletal specialist not a doctor. He waffled on about age-related wear and tear despite me clearly saying this was new and a sudden onset. I asked about getting a scan and he dismissively said that any knee over 50 (I’m mid-fifties) will show signs of normal wear so there was no point. Go away and take paracetamol, come back if it’s no better in a couple of weeks (which is what I had already been doing for nearly two months).

I guarantee if I was a man who had hurt his knee playing football, and was in as much pain and with limited mobility like I was, I’d have been straight in for scans and physio appointments! I’m seeing a private physio now and after 3 months I’m finally seeing very slow improvement, but still in a fair bit of pain, and mobility still limited. Totally dismissive attitude from the medical professionals based purely on my being a middle aged woman 😡

This sounds familiar. I've been of the opinion for a while now that men's health issues are taken more seriously than women's. An example of this was when my DD had a kidney stone several years ago. At the hospital,the only thing they would give her for the pain was paracetamol. They said they 'weren't allowed' to give anything stronger. Then when her DH had the same thing a couple of years ago,he was immediately offered a shot of morphine in A and E at the same hospital! My DD couldn't believe it. Another example was when I had an incarcerated umbilical hernia 13 years ago. I was in severe pain and couldn't stop vomiting. I was told I was constipated. It was only when I insisted on another doctor examining me that they realised what the problem was.Otherwise,they had been quite ready to send me home,which could have proved fatal. Yet when a male relative of mine had the same thing 4 years ago,it was taken seriously immediately. No fobbing off with 'you're just constipated'.

Went to Dr with palpitations and exhaustion. He asked if I was feeling anxious and sent me home with no investigation.

4 days later I collapsed as my heart briefly stopped beating.

Yes, I complained and was then completely fobbed off.

I get it OP
I've had a large ovarian cyst since 2022, 2 more large ones have appeared alongside it which means I'll now loose the whole ovary when it comes to removal (not great as an IVF patient) and one of my tubes has a hydrasalpinx thats swelled and filled with that much fluid, its taking up most of my pelvic cavity area. I look 9 months pregnant, in agony everyday and have been on morphine for years because of the pain. Hospitalised multiple times and told everytime they need urgent removal, then I'm sent home around a week later to be seen by outpatients. I'm still waiting.

Partner had severe stomach pain late December, GP sent him A&E, scanned there, Sent home and referred for follow up 5 days later, which included 2 scans and a surgery slot booked in for that day pending scan findings. Scan was fine, referred for endoscopy which happened a week later at the start of January, found the issue and dealt with it. All in the space of 3 weeks.

And here's me 4 years later still waiting. Couldn't make it up.

it’s absolutely rage inducing.

in my case I woke one day with numbness in my face. Saw gp. Told it was migraine. Numbness and pins and needles in other parts of my body followed. This time gp said stress. I saw a different gp who decided I needed therapy. Probably because I was now becoming very upset and worried about my health. Then the vertigo hit. Virus they said. When it didn’t pass I was told anxiety. I asked for an mri. It was refused.

a year on and I woke up unable to move my right leg. Taken to hospital. Doctors there saw I was now on anxiety meds and said stress had caused hemiplegic migraine. Sent home. Then I saw a migraine doctor who diagnosed FND and I was sent for almost a year of psychotherapy where I had to dredge up a traumatic childhood . Then my bladder went into retention. Finally a doctor from urology listened and requested a brain and spinal cord MRI with contrast. That showed lesions and after more tests I was subsequently diagnosed with MS. By this time I’d lost use of my leg, arm and bladder. If I’d of been taken seriously earlier I’d maybe still be mobile with the disease modifying drugs that I could have taken.

in contrast dh went to the gp with neck and shoulder pain, pins and needles in hand. Immediately refered for mri scan and shoulder ultrasound. He had a trapped nerve.

I take him with me to all appointments now. It seems to help.