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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Expected some help from DH

27 replies

Justforonce88 · 08/03/2026 19:52

I have a job interview tomorrow morning, before lunchtime. Its an internal one but in the office. Monday is my usual.working day in anyway so I nor ally get the kids up and take to breakfast club before going into the office. Co.mute is about 45 in good traffic and am normally at my desk for 0830. Interview isn't long after and there are some reports I need to do first thing etc

Dh normally starts work for 7am which is why I generally do all school runs. Tomorrow he is working nights as something has come up so doesn't start work until around 8pm although will be trying to sleep during the day.

I asked him the other day if he would do drop off for me on monday so I could get in early, do my reports and get prepared for the interview etc he said he would think about it.

Today he mentioned he will probably go to the gym late morning then try and sleep etc so i'll do pick up (again standard for a monday as the kids go after school club) so I asked if he could take them in

He practically laughed at me and said why would he. He doesn't want to give up his lay in and i'm up and out anyway (missing the point about wanting to be up and out early)

For reference he is encouraging me to go for this job as its potentially more money and an additional day WFH (I do 3 days in the office at the moment, new role is 1-2 in which would help with childcare etc)

It's fine and I will manage etc, will probably get up early and do the reports but I just thought he may help a bit more

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 08/03/2026 19:53

He is treating you insanely bad. Sorry.

CrocusesFlowering · 08/03/2026 19:54

Christ - another shit husband.

Ohcrap082024 · 08/03/2026 19:57

He’s not on your side, is he @Justforonce88?

You are meant to be a team. He should have your back. He’ll be happy with the extra money and the extra childcare that you cover. Think very carefully about what his actions are telling you.

Figcherry · 08/03/2026 19:57

How are so many women shacked up with selfish idiots?

Dont ask him @Justforonce88 , tell him.
‘I’ll be leaving early in the morning. You’re dealing with the dc.’

TeenLifeMum · 08/03/2026 19:57

He laughed when you asked for bare minimum help? If anything ever happened to dh I’d just be single rather put up with such an uncaring partner. Seriously, what’s the point of him other than to help pay the bills?

Hatty65 · 08/03/2026 19:57

He practically laughed at me and said why would he. He doesn't want to give up his lay in and i'm up and out anyway (missing the point about wanting to be up and out early)

I'd have ripped him apart. Asked him why the fuck he thought I should be going for an interview for extra work/money just to make his lazy ass life easier. That he either pulled his weight or I'd politely tell them in the morning that I was no longer interested.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 08/03/2026 19:58

When he laughed and said why would he, what did you say?

Id be saying ‘because I’m your wife, and I’ve asked you to pitch in towards the family. If that’s not where you are at in this relationship, then thank you for letting me know, I’ll keep that in mind and think about where I am in this relationship.’

And I’d really mean it and think is this what I want the rest of my life to look like.

Loloblue · 08/03/2026 19:59

And you're with this jerk why....?

Evaka · 08/03/2026 19:59

How depressing OP. Good luck with the interview. I'm very sorry that he's so unsupportive.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/03/2026 20:00

It’s not even “helping you out” it’s just doing what needs to be done.

You obviously need to prepare for the interview. He isn’t doing anything else. He can skip the gym if he needs more sleep.

Timeforabiscuit · 08/03/2026 20:01

"hey, I thought about what you said earlier that you aren't going to drop off the kids tomorrow? Is that how you see our lives are now? Because I thought we were more of a partnership where we got each others backs, but from this, I feel really let down"

Then wait for his full reply, and do not interrupt, add or prompt

His response will tell you what the next phase of your life will look like with him - pay attention.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 08/03/2026 20:02

Id be looking in really closely at the housework and childcare demands and split them absolutely down the middle.

User415373 · 08/03/2026 20:05

The husband threads tonight are depressing. Sorry OP but this is just awful. Why do you put up with it?

Justforonce88 · 08/03/2026 20:25

Thank you for the replies, refreshing to kmow I wasn't expecting too much as I was beginning to think I was

Unfortunately this isn't the only argument we have had about work this week and his inability to help when I ask. Which is not very often

OP posts:
Hoplittlesbunnieshophophop · 08/03/2026 20:26

What a twat. Sorry, OP

somanychristmaslights · 08/03/2026 20:38

I really don’t understand why women are with this shit “men”. What an awful attitude to have towards you. Do you actually like each other?

WhatNextImScared · 08/03/2026 20:43

You will manage, but it is NOT fine.

And I say this as someone who has recently posted about my own relationship woes. There are many things not perfect about my marriage, so I get that it’s not easy.

BUT this is a fairly black and white one from my perspective. It’s very unfair of him not to do it. Why is he actively making a tricky day harder for you?

Abd80 · 08/03/2026 20:44

What a dick
So I would just get up and get myself ready for work. Just before leaving I’d poke my head round the bedroom door and say- “husband ! I’m off to work. The children are downstairs. Byeee! “
And dash off

Dunnocantthinkofone · 08/03/2026 20:53

Stop calling it ‘help’.
its his responsibility just as much as it is yours and you aren’t helping yourself at all to phrase it as your job which he might occasionally deign to become involved in

Pinkelephant66 · 08/03/2026 20:55

one word… cunt

Oblivionnnnn · 08/03/2026 20:56

CrocusesFlowering · 08/03/2026 19:54

Christ - another shit husband.

I opened MN today and the first…6-8 active threads were about shit husbands. It’s so dispiriting on all sides.

Bonkers1966 · 08/03/2026 20:57

You married a prince amongst men.

nomas · 08/03/2026 20:59

What an utter, utter dick head he is.

What does this man add to your life? Because he is not providing even the most basic support to you.

Cosyblankets · 08/03/2026 20:59

Guarantee he's one of those who refers to looking after his own kids as babysitting

canuckup · 08/03/2026 21:35

Cos it's easier for him to stay in bed than help his wife

That's the crux of the matter