To be snubbed?

[YourTicklishOchreBiscuit]

I've exchanged hundreds of messages with a mum friend who goes to the same nursery who I meet via a mutual friend. We've gone to events together a few times etc and friendship has been about 2 years.

She's just told me I'm not invited to her son's birthday party. She's having a couple of parties, some with nursery buddies but she said he's not invited. She stated her child is having a party and x,y,z from nursery but not my child.

Told her I thought we were closer and they are in the same room at nursery.

She's not responded.

Aibu

Yes, she’s snubbed you / your child for some reason. See it as a plus though, 1 less person to help out.

Yes she has right?

Doesn't matter. My kid isn't the one with a relationship with the mum

You expected to be asked as a guest to a child’s birthday party? Are you actually 4?

Yeah why not? Children attend the same nursery, a couple on months apart. We message lots and hang out.

Bit of a snub to then tell me she's having party and i..not invited. I didn't even ask fmif she was having a party

what are you on about? 😂

It makes more and more sense why YOU are not invited to a 4yo birthday party.

OP, are you quite well? You’re coming across as deeply odd on the thread. Nowhere do you say whether you even like this woman?

I'm so sorry the parents of Mumsnet appear to be having an extremely slow day. Sometimes they need to be explained to in simpleton terms, very slowly, and loudly. You also need to clap between words.

Allow me:

OP has been supporting another school Mum with disabilities. She has formed a close bond with said Mum, gone out of her way to help her, and the other Mum sends her hundreds of messages a month, because she is disabled and needs help.

The mother with disabilities also has a child in the same class as the OP.

The Mum with disabilities meets the OP, outside of school, their children play with one another in and out of school.

Today, said mother with disabilities has voluntarily offered up information to the OP. This is the following information;

"Hello, OP. My son is having a birthday party/several parties, but you and your son are not invited."

Now, as someone with autism I do understand the need for specifics and pedantics, but it's irrelevant if you're just being a nose-dabbing Karen.

The OP is justified in snubbing this other mother - Disabilities or no. The OP has been used, more than likely because it was cheaper than paying for a carer. The OP has been kind to this woman and this is how she treats the OP and her child.

Yes, OP - You are 100% justified in snubbing this woman. Cut her off. Let the kids play in school, but stop it at that. Don't invite her child to any of your parties- That will be a consequence of his mother's behaviour, not yours. She will create his own losses.

You don't deserve to be treated like dirt after helping this woman. Don't give her a second thought, OP.

Thank you

I love how people get so over-invested in a thread 😂😂

You are spectacularly missing the point and ignoring the OP's posts but bonus point for using the "Karen" insult to embarrass yourself even further.

Except that's not what is in the OP's posts and you sound v patronising towards people with disabilities. The OP has offered help that the other mum has not acknowledged. This means she is not taking the help. Just because someone is disabled does not mean they need endless offers of "help". Perhaps she's just fed up of the OP patronising her.

I hope I've simplified that enough for you. Or do you need me to clap?

I can't understand why people are being deliberately obtuse about why OP is hurt. She thought this woman was a friend, okay maybe not super close but
close enough to meet up, for OP to help her with things, have their children play together and to message frequently. She then unprompted tells OP that she is having not one but several birthday parties but OP's child (and hence OP because it is a nursery age child) is not invited. Of course OP is hurt and there is nothing odd about it and I can't see any grounds for posters to suggest that OP is some kind of offensive social bully or having mental health problems. I wouldn't be offering any further help or having anything to do with the other mother in the future.

Yes and they are in the same class at nursery.

All I did was message happy birthday to her child as she put a cake up.

I agree OP, I would be upset and disappointed at your friend's message. It's rude. Maybe she does find you a little too helpful but as you've been exchanging all these messages and the children seem close it's a massive snub. There are kinder ways to deal with cooling off a friendship.

I wonder about posters who edit their posts with the last message being the most unkind. Sometimes it is easy to forget there is a real live person receiving these messages - you know a person with actual feelings. I suppose I am actually criticizing too but some of the posts on this thread are a bit vicious.

She says her parents don't help her. She's got no support. She's a sperm donor so no family on the father's side. Why even tell me you are going to hospital unless you want support or acknowledgement? She says her friends also don't see her.

Not like I forced myself upon her

I think it's just her. She doesn't realise, maybe autistic

She doesn't seem to want ot be your friend anymore so now you have come up with she is autistic

Why is this always the go to label when people dont get what they want

What did the message from the other mum say.
Was it something like
" my son is having a party but the numbers are limited and I let ds choose which 6 friends he wanted to invite. Just letting you know your ds wasn't one of the 6."
If so she was probably letting you know so it didn't come as a shock and so you could explain to your ds if he asked. Children that age are fickle and choose different friends from one day to another its not about your friendship with the mother.
If the message was along the lines of ds is having a party and your ds isn't coming because we don't like him or if everyone from nursery is invited apart from your child that's a different matter.

Yeah, that was unkind to tell you her ds is having several parties but your ds is not invited. Seems unnecessary to even mention the birthday if your little guy isn't invited.

OP you sound kind and thoughtful. Some horrors on this thread tonight. I completely understand why you are upset. You have been treated appallingly.